5. Enter The Vortex
6. Pharmaceuticals
8. Go To Prison
9. Rip Vert
WNIA CH
Bottom line: nobody cares. If you just
skate vert you could have quit in '92
and no one would have noticed.
When a young man turns 13 years old, his fancy
turns to thoughts of lust. At this volatile age many
fall prey to the pleasures of the flesh and as a result
the pursuit of members of the fairer sex takes pre-
cendence over the pursuit of the perfect skate spot.
Users are losers and losers are users, or they at least
lose any semblence of board control.
10. Become An
"Artiste"
first his girlfriend started with-
holding sex if he came home
with a little unsightly road rash.
Any other red-blooded ripper
would have put his foot down
and given the bitch an ultima-
tum of "kick down or get kicked
out," but instead he got
repressed and became terrified
to attempt anything that might
result in him getting kicked out
of bed. Then the girlfriend
became aware of the evil power
she had over him, and naturally
things only got worse.
To make a long story shorter,
she started whining for marriage
and threatened to move on if he
didn't tie the knot. Next thing
you know he bought a ring and
popped the question. Here's
where the story gets really
twisted. She agreed to marry
him on one condition: that he
quit worrying her by playing
with those "useless wooden
100 THRASHER
toys." It came as no surprise
when that worthless wimp sold
all four of his setups to Play It
Again Sports for $43.00. I still
miss the guy he had a big car,
and was down to drive to all the
out-of-town spots for little or no
gas money.
Every day people ditch the
board in favor of things like
going to college, becoming a
rock star, or chasing after drugs.
It used to piss me off when.
someone I skated with 'through
the wonder years lost the will to
ride, but then I realized it was
just one less person to get in my
way at the next session.
Before I wrap up this rant, I'd
like to offer a bit of advice to
anyone who's thinking about
kicking the habit. I urge you to
blow your kneecaps off with al
shotgun so you can't change
your mind.
-Jesse Driggs
7.
Join A Band
This goes hand in hand with number 5. Let's face it,
chicks dig rockers. And everybody knows that a
dude with a guitar is ten times cooler than a kid
with a board. So get together a couple of your bros
and convince yourselves that you're rock stars.
You don't even have to go so far as killing somebody to put
your skating career on permanent hold. With the advances in
today's law enforcement technology, you could surrender your
freedom for something as simple as a traffic violation.
4/146 "est in heat"
Some of the best quitters have found out that
being wacky and philosophizing about ink
scribbles at coffeshops can be a lot safer
than hucking yourself down a triple-set, and
a hell of a lot more lucrative to boot.
101