OF LOAF
ARCHERS CE TO
have been serving up
their potent, innovative, and thor-
oughly addictive rock concoctions since
1991, and if you never got a taste of them live,
you may be out of luck. Rumor has it they're giving
out the final "last call for drinks" at the end of their '98
tour. Luckily for those of us with a serious Archers habit,
they're leaving behind a music wet bar stocked with seven
albums, including their latest masterpiece White Trash Heroes, a
smoother, slow-sipping nightcap compared with earlier shots of Southern
Comfort like Icky Mettle and Vee Vee. I recently had a beer and made small talk
with the band's head bartender, Eric B, and, with the help of a drunk groupie
from Texas, may have finally found the true meaning behind the elusive title
"Archers of Loaf." Drink up, everyone, this bar's closing soon.
I saw that big sexy red tour bus parked out
front. Have you guys been up to the devil's
business in that thing or what?
Eric B: Yeah, I've always been working with
the devil, though. If you're behind on that
then you're dumb. I've always been working
with the devil.
Is there a heart-shaped waterbed in that
thing?
EB: No, I don't have a heart-shaped waterbed.
I just have a pitchfork.
I know this is a dumbshit question,
but what's the origin of the name
Archers of Loaf?
EB: It means the interviewer is a dumbshit
for asking.
Yeah, that's kind of what I figured. I was
wondering if you knew about Eastern
Exposure 3, the skateboard video that's
named after your song "Underachievers"?
There are also a bunch of your songs in
various other skate videos.
EB: Yeah, I know all about that. Skateboarders
are hyperintelligent people that no one really
understands. That's what I've discovered. I
know about forty of them. In high school we all
used to listen to Minor Threat. I didn't skate
personally, but all my friends did.
Has anyone ever mixed you up with Eric B
from Eric B and Rakim?
EB: No. He's black. I'm white. It's pretty obvi-
ous. He raps and I bark.
Now I don't want to pry here, or be a
rumor monger, but let's say that hypothet-
ically, this is your last tour. On the very
last tour date, what would be the last song
on the last set, hypothetically speaking?
EB: That's a good question. See, that's the
opposite of the band name question. I don't
know. That's so good I'm too stupid to answer;
you just ruined me. Maybe "Slow Worm" or
"Web in Front." One of those two, maybe. Or
maybe we'd just do an hour of feedback or
something stupid and cliché like that, just to
embarrass ourselves.
Mark: You know what's sad? It's so sad that we
drank two cases of beer and an entire bottle of
Jack Daniel's. Whoa, what's this? Did some-
one throw up on the wall?
EB: No, Eric J threw salsa on the wall
because his amp broke.
M: Is there salsa on my back now?
EB: Yes.
Drunk Groupie: My name's Anna. What's your
name? I know a lot of people probably know
your name, but I don't.
EB: They don't, actually.
DG: Oh, you guys are doing an interview?
That's no fair.
EB: What's no fair?
DG: Because y'all are like rock stars and I'm
not. Where are you guys from, anyways?
EB: North Carolina.
DG: So, what's, like, the definition of "Archers
of Loaf"?
EB: Will you tell her for me?
It means you're a dumbshit for asking.
DG: Really?
EB: Yeah, basically, loosely. But he was more
eloquent about asking it. He's all right, this guy.
DG: So Archers of Loaf means I'm a dumbshit?
EB: It just means that it's a stupid question to
ask, because it doesn't mean anything.
-Justin Hocking
"SKATEBOARDERS
ARE HYPERINTELLIGENT
PEOPLE"
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