BEAT IT
Turnabout in unfair play
scenarios continue unabated
in the NeverNeverLand dis-
trict surrounding Michael Jackson's
Santa Barbarian estate. Are "deserving
local kids" being sponsored to skate free
equipment by an anonymous benefactor
who is none other than El Jacko? Will the
mega billionaire performer so famous for
his youth work now subsidize public
skate facilities? Odder yet is a much
heard report that the gloved one's limo
motorcade showed up at the long-gone
Bones Brigade Skatezone only to dis-
cover the new, vastly different Skate One
Corporation. Did his eminence actually
travel in disguise to Ventura's Skate
Street to peep the "positive and safe
environment"? Were his agents not pre-
sent at the Santa Barbara City meeting
where Jim Fitzpatrick begged the pow-
ers that govern "not to wait another 10
TRASH
to-heart talk with some
skaters who had come to
spectate convinced Ed to
continue. Apparently, the
questions raised by
Templeton were too difficult
to be addressed in the
assessment of the ESPN
accountants rumor that 1
million dollars alone went
into perfecting the correct
liquid-nitrogen-to-oxygen
ratios for the snowboard
ramp. Despite the often
heard Network claim that
they are losing money, many
years" to finally open the city's public Networkers. Our unofficial
park? No one is sure just what's going on
with the $16,000 design fee and the addi-
tional $150,000 construction fee that City
Parks Director, Richard Johns, said SB
has set aside for the public skatepark
project. It is excessively ironic that
Fitzpatrick and other skaters began lob-
bying the Santa Barbara power elite over
10 years ago for this facility and it has
yet to be built. They admit that the
need and the money to do it are both
there, yet they still don't move. In other
quixotic maneuvers, Mr Fitz the
Association leader has lately reportedly
been daily sending Sacramento law-
makers 1,000 pro skate letters. The IASC
leader is so committed to his attempt to
influence the government that he has
dispatched over 100,000 such letters in
the last 6 months.
MEDIA MONGERS
In this pay for play world, the odd-
ity of the ESPN Extreme Games
amateur athletic orientation
appears to be again drawing
inquiring skate minds into the
debate over exploitation. The
best pure moment of the
week-long video barrage of
advert sport had to be when
Chris Senn informed the
TV witches and personality
boys that "skateboarding.
was an impossible thing to
judge." Equally provocative
was Ed Templeton, who
insisted on asking ESPN offi-
cials just how much money
everything cost. At one point,
Templeton was going to
walk out on the whole
deal, but a heart-
entertainment professionals
claim that the Extreme
extremely
Games now are extremely
profitable due to extensive
corporate sponsorship. How
successful are they? The
unsubstantiated figure of 26
million bucks is one that
repeatedly comes up. And for
those politically-inspired
individuals, how much atten-
tion did the broadcast extrav-
aganzas' environmental
HOT DOG
A very young Rodney Mullen poses in front of his
air-conditioned dog house. Ah, the good ol' days.
impact on the
delicate
Mariner's Point contest
area receive? Wasn't
Brian Howard is recovering well
after a BMX accident.
it the nesting site
of the endangered
Leaf Tren? Did
the Audubon
Society at one
time threaten to
block the entire
gig due to the
Games' extremely
detrimental impact
on these defenseless
birds? And what
allegedly might have
happened if a particu-
lar environ-
mental advocacy group found out that the global busi-
ness presence Disney actually owned ESPN as well as
ABC, etc? Now what could then have occurred if the
Save the Birders discovered that Disney Co was in fact
their biggest single financial contributor? Would the
environmental protest suddenly vanish in the face of
"improved network cooperation and awareness"?
PULP FRICTION
Heckler magazine intimates are said to be talking up
their alleged separation from the TransWorld Publishing
empire. The claimed scenario is that the content of the
boardsport lifestyle chronicle was too revved for the cor-
porate leaders of the big Times Inc, so its noble creators
bought it back in the interests of promoting peace and
freedom. All of this newly independent posturing has
created an undercurrent of questioning amidst industry
insiders. Is TWS now completely controlled by the Times
Mirror syndicate? Are Tracker Larry, Brian
"Maelstrom" Sellstrom, and Peggy "Morality
Mama" Cozens now comfortably sold out and
retired? What's extremely obtuse is that Heckler.
according to some, appears to still be distributed by
TWS. Meanwhile, the Large Professor clambers
up the ladder to international prominence at
Snowboard Life while disavowing all knowledge
to J Grant, Kinnear, and King James
POSERS OF THE MONTH
Poser: Richard Morgan
Crime: Member of NMBLA (National
Man-Board Love Association)
Punishment: Nightm-air
Poser: Justin Sucara
Crime: Overacting
Punishment: Life as Jason
Lee's understudy
Cassimus. Didn't media design guru D David
Carson recently dispatch a comely Gotham bitch to
petition contributions from El Professor? Was the
Prof serious when he asked her if the title Blue was
a porn gig, or was he just a snake in the grass,
slick-ass working up the ticket price on his scene?
Meanwhile, over at the other Lower Cal pub con-
glomerate Surfer Inc, are certain higher ups so taken
with Glen E Friedman's recent MTV host gigging,
and Tony's on-camera, Extreme Gamès interviews
that they're privately considering pairing Hawk and
GEF in some sort of TV series of their own?
HOLLY WOULD
As for Mr F's next media appearance, watch for
Glen in Russell Simmons One World mag along
with Louis Farrakahn. Mr H's next cinema show-
ing comes in an upcoming BMX movie where he
allegedly stars along with Tony Alva as a silk-
suited, slick-haired businessman.
Also breaking the In Living Color barrier is Steve
Berra, who is said to be set for 13 episodes of a
Damon Wayans-produced telenovella entitled
something like 912 Hope Street on the Fox
Network. Berra, who is co-starring with Shaft
Richard Roundtree, is also rumored to have
arranged to have incorporated a studio-sponsored
ramp into the series' Youth Center set.
SLAMMER TIME
Injured for so long that it probably doesn't
affect him on a psychological or physiological
level any longer, Mike
Carroll repeatedly
breaks form with the
usual. His continuum
extended itself further
into absurdity with his
latest astounding move.
The decision to throw
down with his running
mate, Nick Tershay.
ranks on the all-time MC
list, and those who
recall their previous
bout can verify the
bizarreness of it all. In
the re-match, a one-
armed Carroll hit
Tershay hard enough
three times that the
impact made Nick "see
white. Realizing that
Mike was punching with
sufficient force to knock
SNOW JOB
Macines
When towns complain about funding for
skateboard parks show them this shot of a
simulated Himalayan Hideaway.
him out, NT responded with a clench head face
flurry that left visible swelling for days afterwards.
And to prove that their genius didn't entirely
come from a bottle, the pair called it a draw,
because they both figured "drinking might have
had something to do with it."
Bob Burnquist is said to have become the latest
to Just Not Do It. In saying no to an offered Nike
sponsorship, Bob opined that he "wasn't
cut out for life in Niketown."
Mountain Dew soft drink vending
machines are being stolen from coast
to coast. Could the reason be that they
feature an illuminated photograph of
Matt Fields doing a nosebone?
FEET FIRST
Simon Woodstock is now active-
ly networking in the hopes of obtain-
ing employment as a MTV Sports
host/video personality. The possibility
of 24-hour satellite simulcast Simon
on a global level is enticing
beyond belief. All clown, all
the time, every place,
everywhere.
And around
the corner in shoe biz, DC was report-
edly offered premier positioning and
an individualized display area in the
Foot Locker chain of stores. If you
don't see them there, you'll know
their answer.
Further permutations on the shoe
world have Karma Tsocheff hooked
up for a Vans signature model shoe.
Which shoe manufacturer is so clue-
less that they actually are running an
ad which unintentionally features an
assembled skateboard set-up with
backwards trucks?
IN LINE
"The only thing that's a slight problem is that
our show is on at 9 o'clock on Thursday
evenings opposite Seinfeld, which is the #1
show in the country. Of course, our show has
better transitions." -Steve Berra
"Skaters have a right to know how much
money is being made off of their
participation."-Ed Templeton
"What good is a doctor? He's
just some guy who's gonna
try and grab your balls and
then try and charge you
money." -Tim McKenney
Keenan Milton fighting back
the crowds for Ted Turner.
138 THRASHER