The Inventor
A
very long white limousine pulled to the curb side. The
door opened, and a young man got out. His name was
Thunderbolt, although that was not his real name. However, it
was the name that he went by. Thunderbolt was a young inven-
tor. He wasn't a happy man. Most of his life he spent working
on new inventions. Hardly ever did he have time to himself or
time to relax or goof off. Tonight was somewhat different from
most other nights. Tonight he was going to meet with some
other inventors and collaborate ideas. It was not Thunderbolt's
idea, it was his owner's. Well, his boss' idea. Of course every-
body knows that nobody can be owned. Thunderbolt walked
calmly and coolly to the front door of the house where he was
to meet the other inventors. He knocked on the door. While he
waited for the door to be
answered, he took a look up to
the beautiful moonlit sky. The
door was answered by a but-
ler, a very normal-looking
man dressed in butler attire.
"My name is Thunderbolt."
"Oh, yes," the butler said.
"Right this way. They have
been expecting you." What
Thunderbolt assumed he
meant by "them" was the
other inventors. But
when he got to a room with a big screen
and flashing lights and monitors, he
wasn't sure what to think. The butler
paused at the door and gestured for
"Me, the Lexus TriStar; The Believer; Infinity; and Mr
Automatic." Thunderbolt could hardly believe what was hap-
pening. He had thoughts of leaving. Just turning his back com-
pletely and pretending that it was a mistake. His boss was a
rich woman, who had profited well from his inventions. He had
only met her a few times. His dad was an inventor, and he
worked for the woman's parents, and as far as Thunderbolt
knew, both her parents and she had been very pleased with
their services. But this was Thunderbolt's strangest assignment.
At first he expected to meet up with some old men with grey
lab coats, smoking pipes, and acting oddball. "Hello, my name
is Mr Automatic. Would you please come in and have a seat so
we can get started?" Thunderbolt did not move. "So, you all are
computers? The four of you, huh?"
AUTOMATIC
Thunderbolt to enter. But Thunderbolt did not enter. He was
frightened. "This is Thunderbolt," the butler announced. "Good
evening, Thunderbolt," a computer-like voice said. Possibly the
sound was coming from a speaker. "We, the four of us, are very
pleased that you could make it." Thunderbolt's voice was a bit
shaky, 'cause he was frightened. "There's four of you?" asked
Thunderbolt, while still standing at the entrance to the room.
"Yes, four of us," a different-sounding computer voice said.
"Not computers!" a
voice said. Suddenly, in
bright green letters on a
gigantic monitor it said:
"Lexus TriStar now
speaking. We are data
bases." The voice con-
tinued, "Functionaries.
We, I, are presently
working on a program to
help
humans.
function
more properly
amongst each other." Thunderbolt lifted his right foot a
tad from the floor and let out a pretty nice-sounding
fart. It was a long fart that kind of held for a few seconds.
It was almost as if it, itself, had its own identity. The fart,
that is. "Excuse me," Thunderbolt said. "I farted." "We
know that." Up on the wall now in red letters it said: "Mr
Automatic speaking. Do you think it's funny?" "No,"
Thunderbolt said. "Then why are you smiling?" "OK,"
Thunderbolt said. "Yeah, I think it's funny. Not hilarious, but a
tad bit funny." Next on the wall in yellow letters it said:
"Believer now speaking. So, you thought it was funny. Do farts
make you laugh?" the insensitive voice asked. Communicating
with computers made Thunderbolt feel strange. "Yes, farts
a story By Mark Gonzales
surrounded by the four computers. He
sat there for a moment thinking, then he
spoke in a very clear voice: "Take the
four of you, for example. You all four are
capable of working amongst each other
with no friction, no tension. Since I've
was now speaking. Thunderbolt said, "I
think it's because you're all inhuman.
None of you have any feelings. I think
that's the problem. As long as people
have feelings, they will always operate
with conflict." "That's an interesting
"Which of you
can emulate
the sound of
make me laugh." All four computers had
their own screens, but in the center
where the gigantic monitor usually said
the name of which computer was speak-
ing, it was kind of like a large community
screen which all four shared. Right at the
moment they were trying to
figure out what it was about
farts that made Thunderbolt
laugh after a short moment of
silence, Thunderbolt spoke up.
"Which of you can emulate the
sound of a fart best?" For half an
hour straight, the computers
kept making farting sounds, each
computer trying to see which
could imitate the sound of a fart
best. This made Thunderbolt
laugh hysterically. As long as he
laughed and seemed to be
amused, the computers contin-
ued. Some of the farts sounded
very human, while others sound-
ed very inhuman. Finally, all the farting
and laughing came to an end. "So, our
proposed assignment is to find out a way
for humans to operate more effectively
with less strain, less tension. More har-
mony in the workplace. That's precisely
our goal," Infinity said. Thunderbolt only
knew that it was Infinity because it said
so on the big screen. In Thunderbolt's
mind, he felt that it was not too compli-
cated an assignment. He took a seat in
the center of the room. Now he was
a fart best?"
been here, there has been no fighting
over who gets to use the big screen." Mr
Automatic corrected Thunderbolt. "The
main monitor, you mean?" "Yes, the
main monitor. Do
you guys
ever fight
over who
gets use of
it?" "No."
Infinity
thought, Thunderbolt." Now it
was TriStar that was speaking.
"We all four have decided that
you're right. If humans can be
made to operate with less
feelings, less emotions, they
might function more properly like
us. So, what we need to do is try
and get people to emulate our
behavioral patterns like data
bases, functionaries-more work
with less emotion, one gigantic
network of people." There was
quiet. Thunderbolt feared that
this was already happening.
People all around him had already lost
their human spirit. In fact, these four
computers... whoops, I mean data bases,
these four functionaries had more human
spirit than a lot of people that
Thunderbolt knew just by the way they
enjoyed making him laugh
with their computer-like fart-
ing sounds. That was it for
the evening. Thunderbolt sum-
moned the butler to show him
to the door. He said his good-
nights to TriStar, Infinity, Mr.
Automatic, and Believer. He
walked out of that house,
across the lawn, and into the
long white limousine.
64 THRASHER
65