96
Hollywood.
THE HUFFS
Jollywood. The
Muffs are playing at
a little joint on the
strip. The table
that Hal is sit
ting at catches
on fire. It is plas-
tic, so it begins to
melt, dripping hot
Story and photos by Andrew Harris
molten liquid onto his hands and legs. Hal knows that The
Muffs are a hot band, but tonight they are apparently hot
enough to cause inanimate objects to spontaneously
combust. Hal jumps up, firstly out of pain and shock, but
secondly out of a gut feeling that it is time to rock, that
The Muffs are never gonna get any more blistering than
during this particular set. Funny thing is, Hal is way more
than half drunk. Shit, he's three sheets to the wind and
doesn't realize that while he thrashes about on the dance
floor as The Muffs sear through their little ditty "Lucky
Guy," he is actually fanning the flame coming from a small
blob of plastic that dripped onto his shorts. Yes, he is on
fire. He feels the heat, but at first figures it's a combination
of the smoky, sweaty club and the intensity of the noise
coming from The Muffs' ferocious musical attack. He's so
enthused with his surroundings, the music, and
Kim's black stockings that he doesn't sense the
fire even as it climbs up his back, engulfing his
brand new T-shirt. The kids dancing around him
notice this fact before he does, and they back
away in fear and amazement. Hal sees the flames
now, he smells it singe his hair, but it's too late.
He's a human inferno. The dance floor clears, Hal
the fireball dances wildly about as The Muffs burn
Hal before the burning.
through their last number "Stupid Jerk. As they finish, he too is finished.
reduced to a smoldering pile of ashes waiting to be swept up by the late
night janitor. He is dead, but if you could ask him about his feelings on the
matter, I surely don't think he would be pissed off. He was the kind of guy
that stuck to the credo 'shit happens. Anyway, he really dug The Muffs and
what a better way to go than by being burned to bits compliments of your
favorite rock band? I mean, really.
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ALFREDE NEUMAN MAD Magain reed characters, names and indicia are tra of EC Publications, Inc. © 197