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As demonstrated above, shooting burning objects at other people is a dangerous and foolhardy pastime that is best left to army men, cops, security guards and other criminals.
HOW TO STARTAWAR PISSING OUTSIDE
by Richard Milhous Nixon
Every red-blooded American kid has felt the urge to play war, but When you gotta go, you gotta go
GATS and AKs are a bit rough when you're just out to have a little fun.
Some counties allow the use of fireworks to help celebrate the birth of
this great nation, and the temptation to fire off just a few can overwhelm
anyone. More than anything else, great care must be exercised when
handling any explosive or flammable devices. Get too careless and your
friends might end up calling you "Lefty," "Fingers" or "One-Eyed Jack."
SPARKLERS Wimpy. Recommended for beginners.
SNAKES Good for smoke effects. Crunch 'em up and stuff 'em in
quarter rolls to make cool diversionary devices.
LADY FINGERS Totally gay.
SCREAMERS These come under different trade names like "Piccolo
Petes," "Whistling Petes" and "Screaming Meanies." Break off the
stand, hammer down the middle, and they'll chase random pedes
trians around and explode.
GROUND BLOOM FLOWERS Perfect for simulating alien UFO inva-
sions. Light 'em and huck 'em.
BOTTLE ROCKETS Bust off the stick and watch out.
SKY ROCKETS Killer for open field warfare and as salutary salutes to
commence the battle.
ROMAN CANDLES Great for late night missions and assaults from mov-
ing vehicles.
M-80s Better for booms, but watch out for those fingers because you
only get ten to start with.
QUARTER-STICKS Great for under cars and buses.
TNT Best for schools and police stations.
Other things that enhance any battlefield could include flags, symphony
music, road flares for lighting and effects, but most of all, a reason to
fight. Remember that all is fair in love and war. May God be with you.
16 THASH
by LP. Freely
The call of nature does not always
wait for the nearest sanitary rest mo
It can sometimes demand immediate
attention. A critical survey of outdoor
bladder bleeders provides helpful hints
for times when there ain't enough time.
Find a good tree or other obstacle to
conceal your jet stream. Old people,
geeks and police tend to freak if they
catch you wringing the dew off the
branch. What they
don't see won't
hurt them.
Don't pee in
the wind. A
big gust
could rain
parade.
Drain your main vein in an open, well-
ventilated area, or else it's going to smell
like piddle for a long period of time.
Avoid community water supplies.
Don't tinkle on targets that could be
detrimental to public health. You
wouldn't want to drink it, would you?
Be careful how you fart, you may draw
mad. Miscalculated flatulence in the
wild can result in a messy situation i.e.
pudding pants or skid marks).
Don't step in the widdle, especially if
you aren't wearing any shoes.
For added excitement, try leaking the
lizard off buildings or other cliffs and
watch how long it takes to splatter un
the ground.
If you must piss on subway tracks,
watch out for the third rail, or you might
get some electrifying results.
Remember to close your barn door
lap your fly), but tuck it back in first.
Shake it real good. Nothing's worse
than feeling the post-wee-wee dribbles
running down your leg, But remera
ber, more than two shakes and you're
wankin' it.
7
WILK
GET DOWN FROM THERE ARE YOU CRAZY?
NO, I'M A SNIPER!
YOU BETTER RUN, HE GIVES WARNING SHOTS
I HEARD THE ONE ON ATLANTIC &
YOU MEAN AT THE JACMAR HOTEL?
YEAH, HE'S GOT A PERMIT
FUCK, TIMES ARE CHANGING!
FIRESTONE
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