NEW
WORLD ORDER
CRAP
PREMIUM
SAME OLD
...step out of line
BE A PLAYE
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Back
Matt Dove (above), wood if he could. Dream on (below), she's mine. T-ed
HOW TO GET LAID
Ten Sure Fire Steps
by Robert Goulet
1. Sport a funky name. Osgood, Trent, or Chad is cool so they will think about
your name and remember it. Bill, Biff, Greg and Dave are out.
2. Cruise shopping malls. Chicks love to shop, so learn to live with it. Get a
drink with a straw and slowly meander you way through making eye contact.
3. Be sensitive. Chicks dig sensitive guys, if you are not afraid to show emotion.
even better. If they see you give candy to a little kid or cry, they will be your slave.
4. Get a puppy. Nothing melts a chick's heart like a playful puppy. They just have
to stop and pet it. You say. "I just got it at the shelter, they were going to kill it."
5. Own a car. Everyone needs to get somewhere, so even if you are butt ugly and
you're driving, you score. Trust me, it works.
6. Show cash. See above. Money talks and bullshit walks.
7. Compliment them. Nothing works better. You say. "That
blouse looks beautiful on you and that color really accentu-
ates your skin tone."
8. Be a vegetarian. Chicks hate thinking of three-legged little.
calves getting slaughtered. And salads, well, they love 'em.
9. Get a cool job. Work at a movie theatre and get people in
for free, or work as a bartender or DJ at the popular club, and
bro, you are in there.
10. Have your own place. Throw a kegger at you house
every Friday night and there is no telling what gets left behind.
Staggering Statistics
Total Damage
Amount in miles of video footage shot
for the Plan B video: 636
Number in years since the ollie: 16
Number of people starting skating today: 2,705
Number of people who have quit skating today: 3,107
Number of skate companies with one-word titles: 37
Number of deaths attributed to skateboards
since records have been kept: 4,569
Number of skateboarders in the world in 1987: 2,463,983
Number of skateboarders in the world today: 1,967,539
Amount of grinding in miles it takes to get
to the axle of a standard skate truck: 6
Number of bricks in Justin Herman Plaza: 42,597
Number of steps in the EMB 7:6
Number of times that Danny Way has spun 540: 342
Chances that someone you know will be a pro: 1 in 6,793
Average age of a skater in 1987: 19
Average age of a skater today: 15
Number of decks in a thirty-foot tree: 5
Amount in miles that Frankie Hill has handrailed: 22
Percentage of tricks tried switchstance in 1987:9
Percentage of tricks tried switchstance today: 63
Average wheel size in 1987: 66
Average wheel size today: 42
Number of pools that have been skated as a result
of the Oakland Hills Firestorm: 17.
Amount in metric tons of skateboards and accessories
delivered by UPS in a year: 925
Chances that someone you know paid for their hat: 2 in 3
Number of entrants in an average 1987 vert contest: 63
Number of entrants in the last vert contest: 18.
Number of entrants in an average 1987 street contest: 42
Number of entrants in the last street contest: 93
Number of flip tricks tried daily in the USA: 1,698,984
Number of flip tricks made daily: 994,628
Square yardage of pant leg material discarded in 1992: 17.564
Percentage of skaters who wore belts in 1987:8
Percentage wearing belts today: 92
Figures cited are the latest available as of January 1993.
Sources are listed on page 96
Spot Check
Handrail From Hell Vancouver, BC
A cold steel handrail awaits potential victims in North Vancouver
at 817 Pine Street. Reportedly, Dan Rogers flew in to attempt
this seven-kink anaconda and was returned in a body bag.
Who's next?
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