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BAD POETRY
NO PARKING
There once lived an old lady on
the next street. She was a 93-year-
old drunk. I spent my days harass
ing her and pulling occasional ollies
off her front step. She's dead now
and I'm bored.
Kakamanie
Avon Lake, OH
Find out where she is buried and
skate on her grave. T-ed
BLOW JOB
In the August 1992 Mail Drop,
some cocksucker's mother wrote
how she thought this magazine was
full of shit. She couldn't be more
wrong. Personally, I love your mag-
azine and think you're doing a good
job. Besides, her son probably
doesn't skate. Chances are, he's rid
ing a girl's ten-speed and using
hand signals. She may wear the
pants in her family, but something is
shoved up her ass!
Pissed-off Dave
Schroon Lake, NY
It's probably just constipation. T-ed
NO TIP
Last night we were in Denny's
reading your article about Mike
Carroll. The waitress came up to us
and asked us if she could take our
order. We looked at her and said,
"Yes, we'd like Mike Carroll, and a
side of ranch dressing." The wait-
ress looked down at us and said,
"Sorry, we are all out of ranch dress-
ing." So, we left.
Those two girls,
Jenna and Stacy
Should've gone to Carrows. T-ed
EASY OZZY
T-ed, you're a fucking dick. You
don't know bullshit about skating or
anything else. The only reason you
do this column is to make fun of the
real hardcore skaters because you
have apprehensions about the size
of your penis. Quit your pussy-
whipped desk job, move to Texas
and raise ground hogs. Because if I
find you before the vampires do, I'm
going to slit your throat, burn the
meat off your bones and drink vodka
out of your empty skull.
Brimstone
Over There
A real man would sign his name
and address. T-ed
JESUS INC.
Are there a few out there who
skate for Christ? I'm not a Robert
Tilton fan, but I do think Jesus is a
cool and rad dude. I was just won-
dering if anyone is down with Jesus.
That's fine if you're not. I'm not
going to shove it down your throat
and ask for your paycheck.
LEFT NUT
Tim Curtis
Mesquite, TX
What is the problem if my 40mm
wheels are bigger than my balls?
Troubled Balls
Chattahoochee, FL
Maybe it's your Plan B genes. T-ed
RIDE ON
For about the last nine years I've
skated by myself and have been
called a "freestyle faggot" by all the
burly street skaters around my town.
Now I'm taking this opportunity to
tell them to eat shit because I'm now
the best "street skater" in town. I
have tons of skate friends now and
even chicks dig me. All I had to do is
buy baggy pants and a little bigger
board, plus let my underwear hang
out. I owe it all to Primo and his wife
for their Sea World show.
A Big Furry Woodland Creature
Platypous, OH
How does the name "street faggot"
suit you? T-ed
TACO TIME
I have been skating for four years
and recently found this cool hotel
parking lot to skate. It has curbs.
banks and even a quarter-pipe in
the back. It also is next to Taco Bell
and I love tacos. My problem is I got
kicked out. The manager took my
name and everything. This is old
news to any skater, but the problem
is that my dad works for the hotel
doing landscaping. The manager
saw that our last names were the
same and made the connection. My
dad almost
got fired and
told me hei
would beat
my ass if I
skated there
again. All my
friends still go
there and call me a pussy because I
don't. What should I do? If my dad
MIKE V.
ED T.
DRFBOARDING
Televicim
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