Skarfin' Rude
Material
GRAVEYARD GRUB
Food
Death came easily. It washed over him like a
warm liquid, flooding his nostrils and filling his
throat as he drank deeply of its
sweet calm. For all the bad things
he had done in his life, death was
alright. It was like Hawaii. Slowly
he opened his eyes, expecting to see
crystal waves crashing over the sand.
What he saw made him choke. Instead
of a serene ocean sparkling in the sun,
he saw a sea of blood bobbing with
pieces of chewed meat, fat and gristle.
It washed onto the sandy shore where
vague shapes were milling in the distance.
Something told him this was very bad.
The forms came closer and he realized
they were millions of animals: chickens,
cattle, pigs, lamb and fish flopping on the
beach. In the back of his consciousness,
something clicked. The carnage marching
forward represented every creature he had
ever eaten. And now they would eat him.
On his right he saw an army of mutton, on his left
he saw...
BLOOD SUCKER'S NIGHTMARE
.8 chicken wings
5 cloves garlic (minced)
• 3/4 cup soy sauce
1 tsp. holy water
1/8 to 1/4 cup of vinegar
1/4 tsp. sugar
1
cup bamboo shoots
1 cup sliced water chestnuts
1/4 tsp. cornstarch rue
• 2 cups rice
Pour a little oil in a pan. Cook chicken lightly. Set
chicken off to side. When done, mix soy sauce,
holy water, 3 tsp. oil, vinegar, sugar and garlic. Stir
and set to the side. Put 3 tsp. oil in pan
and fry veggies for 2 minutes at high
heat. Put veggies to side and pour
garlic mixture in pan. Boil. Add 1/4 tsp.
corn starch. Stir until thick. Add chick-
en & veggies, stir for 1 minute. Serve
over rice. This recipe makes for excellent
munchies and is a great vampire deterrent.
Don't forget to eat with mini wooden
stakes! (Recipe submitted by Scott
Hoffman of Hot Springs, AR)
LINGUINE FROM HELL
- 1 box linguine
1 can tomato paste
2 cans tomato sauce
⚫1 can all-white crab meat
+2 tbs. garlic
- 3 tbs. salt
1 tbs. pepper
Cook the linguine so it resembles
you drowning Madonna in boiling
water. While it is simmering down, take a large
bowl, and mix the other ingredients. It looks like
something really bad at first (and at last) but then
you mix it and it looks worse. Take Madonna out
of the pot and put it on a plate. Pour a big heapin
helpin' of sauce on top! Best when served to
Sean Penn. (Recipe submitted by Seth Henderson
and Fred Glordano of Chippewa Falls, WI)
THE FLYING SPACE BISCUIT SHOOTER
+1 bag of tortillas
+2 hefty cans of chill with beans
1 small can of baked beans
⚫1 package of seriously hot taco seasoning
1 large piece of sharp cheddar cheese
1 cup sour cream
1 large glass pan
Stuff the bottom of the pan with tortillas so you
can't see through the bottom. Cut the cheese.
Throw chill and baked beans in a pot and throw it
on the stove at full blast. Stir well. Pour in the taco
seasoning and stir. Pour chili shit on tortillas.
Throw knifed wounded piece of cheese on top.
Grab a plate and some grub. After about 5 minutes
of eating this "space biscuit shooter stuff" you will
see (and smell) how it got it's name. (Recipe sub-
mitted by Andy "Static" Jacobs of Wayne, NJ)
PORCUPINE MEATY BALLS
-1 beaten egg
+1 10 3/4 oz. can condensed tomato soup
+2 tbs.finely chopped onion
1/8 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tbs. snipped parsley
1 tbs. Worcestershire Sauce
• 1/4 cup long grain rice
+1 lb. ground beef
Combine egg and 1/4 cup of the soup. Stir in
uncooked rice, onion, parsley, salt and pepper.
Then, add the beef and mix well. Shape meaty.
mixture into 20 small balls and place in a 10-inch)
skillet. Mix remaining soup with the Worcestershire
and 1/2 cup water and pour over balls. Bring to boil,
then reduce the heat. Cover and simmer for 35 to
40 minutes. Stir often. (Recipe submitted by Dayna
Cramer of Oakville, WA)
Fling all flatulent platters to Skarfin, c/o Thrasher
PO Box 884570, SF, CA 94188-4570.
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