reigns
supreme
of the
kum
Skarfing
Material
with
Globules of sweat glistened on Lalo's
fortuitous lattisimus dorsi as he reclined
on the pine bench, hands behind his
Boy head. "Ya know, Lance, there's nothing
Chef
Am I
Hungry
better after a maxed-out speed rep ses
sion than a real steamer of a sauna."
Lance bobbed his hefty head in swollen-
veined agreement. "Oh, definitely, dude.
I power-burned those last thirty slant
presses with an extra fifteen pounds
man, my tris and bis are so pumped. I
need to break a serious sweat and real-
ly bake it out now. You can take a little
more water on the rocks can't you?" Lalo
snorted and reached for the ladle. "Ha!
Can I take more? I crave more. You know
what I say about saunas: If the walls are
in sight, you're not doing it right." Steam-
billowed off the rocks, obscuring most of
Lalo's buffed (and now crimson) body
from Lance's view. "Heavy duty. man. I
agree one-hundred percent. There's
nothing I hate worse than sauna sissies
who sprinkle a few drops on the rocks,
sit there for five minutes, then head for
the showers and let all the heat out when
Edi
they open the door-they really make my
blood boil. Pass that ladle my way, bro.
Oh, hey, have you checked out the new
aerobics instructor? Definitely hot to
trot. Lance felt a satisfying tension in
his bulging trapezius as he raised the
brimming ladle from the water bucket;
he didn't notice the blisters bubbling to
life on his neck and eyelids. Lalo grinned
and his lower lip split in two places. "Hey
buddy, I got a date with her tonight. Ow,
my damn lip split." "Ohhh, poor baby.
Come on Lalo, no pain, no gain. I mean.
my lungs are still burning from all those
v-ups I did, but you don't hear me
compl...cuuugh...cuuugh..."
Seeing that Lance was too busy
coughing up parboiled cilia to finish his
sentence, Lalo reached for the ladle. His
elbow glanced against a wall shingle in
the process, leaving a flag of pink,
melting flesh. "Damn splinters. Here ya
go buddy, a little more steam oughtta
cure that cough right up." Lance was too
busy trying to kick-start his failing
respiratory system to notice Lalo's hair
as it curled up and turned to a heap of
wire-thin ash. Through a miasma of
steam and simmering vitreous fluid, Lalo
saw the sauna door opening. Matt
Mobley gasped in amazement at the two-
welt-covered hulks slumped on the
bench. Lance's voice was a muffled
croak of fricasseed larynx and distended
tongue as he muttered. "Hurry up and
get in here, wimp, you're letting all the
heat out."
Summer's here, kids, so break out the
Weber and the Slip 'n Slide. Here are
some grubbin' recipes to get you through
the 90 degree-plus dog days of July and
August
THAT GOOD DRINK
12 sprigs of fresh mint
4 Lipton teabags
4 cups boiling water
• juice of 3 lemons
1% lemon peels
1 cup sugar
2 cups boiling water
Steep the first three ingredients
together for about ten minutes (don't let
the tea get bitter). Steep the last four in-
gredients for about ten minutes also,
then strain both batches together and
store the concentrated liquid in the
refrigerator. When you're ready to sluice
the juice, mix the mix 50/50 with some
wa-wa and chug it on the rocks. This
should last in your fridge for at least two
days of hard skating. Recipe submitted
in memory of Vivian Carlson, Cherokee
Village, AR.
HOMEBOY FRIES
at least 6 potatoes
⚫olive oil (liquid, not sveite animated vixen)
garlic sait 'n' pepper
Wash those spuds, then slice 'em in-
to hefty one-inch-thick fry-like logs. Ar-
range in layers on a large sheet of oiled
aluminum foil, add mucho g-salt and
pep, spurt down some more oil, then
wrap it up. Add two more coats of foil and
slap the package on the barbecue grill.
Flip the fat pack every five minutes or so
(for at least thirty total) until it's a done
deal. Get your homeys and grub hard.
Recipe submitted by El Yerba Pero Verde
Zapata, Lima, Peru.
STEAK OF MEN
•1 choice top round steak at least 3" thick
+1 economy-sized jar of French's mustard
salt 'n' peppa
Get your 'cue coals white hot-no
black showing then flatten them out..
Snow the beef with coarsly ground pep-
per and as much salt as your blood
pressure desires. Trowel on a layer of
mustard at least 14" thick on the top and
along the sides of the slab. Stick a fork
on either side of your round and flip it.
mustard down, right onto the coals. Let
it fry for twelve to fifteen minutes, remove
from the coals and stir those puppies up
a bit. Slog more mustard on the other
side, slap it back down for seven to ten,
and you're ready to jaw. Recipe submit-
ted by Deep River, Matolius River, OR.
JOHN LUCERO
IS A MAN
WHO KNOWS
HOW TO ENJOY
A FINE RIDE.
SPITFIRE WHEELS
P.O. BOX 884234 S.F., CA 94188
ALMOST HUMAN...