ED
ERIC DRESSEN
SKATE WeAr
КАТЕ ШЕПГ
MAXIMUM IMPACT
1701 Novato Blvd #201 Novato CA 94947 415 898 2400
Sig. His mother was diagnosed with Slamese
twins in early pregnancy. But bolore the birth,
one fetus died. When Sig was bom he ap
peared to be a normal healthy baby boy. It
wasn't until Sug leamed to talk that they real
ized he was different. The doctors performed
a CAT scan on Slig, and broke the news on his
parents. Sug was unique. He had two brains
Inside of one cranium. Rarely did the opinions
of these two brains match. Psychologists shake
their heads at this phenomena. Slig now is an
average young man in today's society and he loves music,
and this is the introduction to Slig's technique of music jour
nalism. No it isn't. Yes it is.
Understand. Don't. My brain hurts. No it doesn't. Two views for the price
of one. Charge 'em double. Stop talking. Start thinking. Writers always babble. Get
to the glory.
(WARRIOR SOUL Last Decade-Dead Century Geffen): I see half-naked chicks screaming
with hairspray layered in their locks. What does that say about the music? I hate pompous
rantings. Rhythmic guitar notes float away in metal luxury. Gimme a break, who you trying
to be? This is wimpy. How can pop metal be appealing? What do you mean pop metal? This
ain't pop, this is like a tame Black Sabbath. Oh, what bat hit you in your side of the head?
Maybe the guy wants to sound like Ozzy Maybe he wants to be Robert Plant. It's so dreamy
and eerie in parts, real crafty chords. Siesta-time I wager. Buzzing guitars stinging like a swarm
of bees. Oh no, your brain is swelling up, you're catching the flu on the intensity. For a debut
act, this has elements to storm it up the charts: real power, real excitement, bluesy yet rockin'
while still being very trippy. The only thing you'll trip on is the backstock when everyone misses
it. Are you finished yet?
(MINISTRY The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste Sire): Oh, catchy title, how clever, how
annoying that anyone can tolerate this abrasive garbage can banging. What do you mean,
banging? This is straight forward aggression, metal-meets-hardcore-meets-industrial. Industrial
what? You'd need an industrial strength cleaner to get this out of your system. Hey, when
I come home stressed out and I need something soothing, this disc would be perfect fodder
a distribution of grinding guitars eats away the tension. Look at these liner notes-what's
all this programming? How do you program noise? Sounding similar to Killing Joke, Ministry
continues the path started with their last outing "Rape & Honey" to a more nervous beaty
grinding sound. Much better than that wimpy disco-type trash they used to beat out. How
much longer must we listen to this? Face it, this is spontaneous rhythm combustion that some
would perceive to be violent in behavior. The only thing spontaneous about this is when I
hit the leg below the knee and the leg kicks the stereo off to end this headache inducing
garbage. You're a wimp, you can't handle anything that doesn't bring doves flying over your
head in spectacular flight. Grab me an aspirin.
(THE MISSION Carved In Sand Polygram): Back on track to the first Lp, Wayne and Com
pany are kicking out another hummer. No way, this ain't possible. You like this? I can't believe
it. I like it too. We never agree on anything. Maybe I should change my mind so I don't have
to participate in your going on and on. "Amelia" is a cool track, a father/daughter story about
a daddy who abuses his little girl. Great that the Mission take a stand, got to bring this sickness
cut to the public. Still can't believe you like this. "Deliverance" and "Hungry as the Hunter"
are two moving tracks. What do you mean? "Into the Blue" is a much better track than
"Deliverance." Hey, we both like it, what's the difference? Of course the Mission know how
to write songs, not really pop, not really rock, ain't metal brainbash stuff, just good riffing
and melodies, enchanting singing. Mom would like it. Uh oh. Take it off, quick. Don't want
that to happen. She'll want to move to San Juan Capistrano then. The Mission video "From
Dusk to Dawn" is really enjoyable too. Hey. We're listening here, not watching. If you're gonna
start watching, then I'm playing Tetris.
(OUTBURST Miles To Go Blackout): I thought this phase of childhood adolescence called
hardcore had long faded into the darkness. When was the last time you had a brain scan?
You think the youth will let the anger die? Hardcore...why did they name it that dumb term?
Maybe they thought they were so tough. Who's they? This Outburst unit is raw, really NY
style. Duh, did you look at where they are from? Gritty guitars, mean ass singer shouting
in hoarse tones, none of that Napalm Death noise destroys stuff. Just thick power. Brutal.
Watch me make the needle skip, would you notice the difference? Hey, cool the hand. Oh,
touchy, aren't we, with your little hardcore playthings. These five young'uns do not do too
bad for a start, Sounds like a lot of other NY bands, but it's a good sound. What's happening?
I thought it was stereo. Hey, cool it, take that earplug out. You think I want to listen to this?
I can't even be negative, I would be wasting my time. Oh and your time is so valuable, you
can't do anything without me, and I choose to listen to Outburst and sweat, okay? Oh, the
sound of the
matrix skip, how I love.
the end of that record. I think
maybe I'll listen to that again.
(WHITESNAKE Slip of the Tongue
Geffen): Damn, it's a CD, if it was a record we
could turn it to 45. David Coverdale sounds so good
speeded up, like a cat being swirled by the tail. Hey, c'mon,
there are animal lovers out there. So, Axl Rose does it and
all those idiots love it, I think of all the battered cats every
time I hear old W. Axl's voice. This is pretty decent for pop
metal. Forget it, don't even try to say something good about
this malarkey. Let's talk about how Steve Vai is wasting his
time playing guitar in this unit. Probably just to get his pics
in those worship mags. Can I say something here...shut
up. Hey, turn that back on, gimme that remote, I hate fighting
with myself. Whitesnake, forget it, Redsnake now, a car
drove over it on the road-you want to scrap your pop metal
fluffsters off the highway?
(IT BITES Eat Me in St. Louis Geffen): It bites what? Into
my neck and blood pours relentlessly out? This band has
been around for quite awhile, Lucky for me I didn't get
polluted sooner. They're sort of a cross between Genesis
and Yes, with the vocalist really sounding like Peter Gabriel
at times. You mean the guy who did the soundtrack to "Last
Temptation of Christ? That was a cool film. It's weird, this
US. version isn't the same as the English version. Figures.
doesn't it? No, this is like a compilation of stuff and some
of the actual "Eat Me" release. What's the matter, the label
afraid to take a chance? I heard they dropped them already.
Really creative stuff venturing from pop to progressive rock,
with lots of mood swings and composition changes. That's
what you think, I'd have more fun listening to the sound
of my hand searching through the Captain Crunch box for
the prize. I hate that stuff. I love it, give me a spoon and
I'll show you what it bites. Munch all you want, I'll just turn
up It Bites and smile with that crap in my mouth-at least
know my brain will be happy and healthy!
(TANGERINE DREAM Lily on the Beach Private): Sigh time.
Just love to finish it all up with this soothing dose of beauty.
Perfect flow into relaxation. How did you sneak this by me?
This is New Age yuppie music, Peter Pan with a shotgun
at his head, death to the world as we know it. Isn't it nice?
Great keyboard stuff, Edgar Froese knows how to compose.
This is movie soundtrack music, I didn't see the film, how!
can you do this to me? What if it's a death scene? Maybe
I'm blind. Feel the arms flowing, the body arching. What
do you think you are, an angel or something? Friggin' New
Age music makes him think he can fly. Well, I ain't letting
you. We're going to the can. Don't add stress and pressure.
enjoy, float, let the harmonios bounce into your brain. When
It hits the water it don't bounce, c'mon we're finished for
now. No, just one more. No way, I've had enough, you'd
pull up another "pretty" music release, gimme the hammer,
I'm destroying all the promos except for maybe this new
Prong Lp. No way, no way, gimme that hammer Get on your
own side. Excuse us while we struggle for awhile. Bash.
Boom. Crash. Now apologize. Okay, go to the mirror. You
don't need to see yourself to apologize. Is it hot in here or
what? Call the doctor again. Busy. Confuse. Do.
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