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Clockwise from Upper Left: Massive tikl neck. Ray "Tenacious" Underhill
tries to get a nut. All-out mind-blowing maniac trick o' the day-Gonz
and his monumental mega-channel ollie. Better than the Goodyear blimp,
Thrasher's exclusive high altitude contest overview. Rampaging rookie
Danny Way rotates a 360" fresh blood air. Eternal madman Micke Alba
proves his mettle as he crosses the spine into fourth place.
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off-broadway play in 1968). Rubberneck
grabbed the device away from him and
soothed the person on the other end. It was
the doorman, wondering if we intended to
move the Rolls Royce which was still idling
in the driveway with Rick Wakeman's "Ex-
cerpts from Six Wives of Henry the 8th"
blasting on the five-thousand dollar stereo,
not to mention the Bosche external speakers
we left out on the roof and hood.
"Uh, no. Turn it off for now, but warm it up
every ten minutes because we might have
to go somewhere and we might have to get
there real fast."
The crew of necks and Loud found
themselves wandering around the sandy
hotbed beaches of Waikiki. Everybody was
the leader. "Oh, when I was here, right after
Pearl, there was this swingin' officers club
strip joint out by the end of that plate lunch going to lay any mainlander shit on us richer-
factory."
"Yeah Chief, the haps is being out on the
WhinePeePee strip, wit all dem tooreest
broad, man."
It was the third or sixth beachfront cocktail
lounges we'd attended without getting at
least an attempted '86'. One Hawaiian,
waitress was even named Norma Jean. At
least an hour was spent trying to figure that
one out. Suddenly, a new game was invented
and everybody knew the rules except Fats
McNeck. The object was to get Fats to pay
the tab. We played this game at least twelve
more times and the funniest thing occured;
Fats lost every single time.
Hanauma Bay-No Arizona-Atheletes
Foot-Puking in the Rolls Royce.
How we ever got to drive our Rolls Royce
down onto the beach at
Hanauma Bay was any-
body's guess. The fact that
multi million dollar mega
mogul extraordinaire B.W.
Airneck had a larger than life
portrait of Elvis Presley
tattooed onto his back may
have persuaded the local
authorities to let us hot rod
our Rolls down the long
pedestrian-only access road
at speed in reverse. It was
either that or it was the fact
that Ringneck, corporate
mogul, was shoving one-
thousand notes into the
hands of any approaching
authority figure who was
than-sheik types.
Banter-Ranter-Raver-Give Me Your
Beer Or I Will Make You Dead.
I thought it was pretty funny when the first
thing I heard in the morning was that the
latest in a long line of transvestual sessboard
editors had his lips nearly separated from his
face by some overzealous tit-flappin', pelvic
thrustin', thunder thigh crushin' nubile ready
for some healthy Catholic oriented social surf
ego thruster waiting to have his cherry.
popped. After the ambulances laughed their
way into the sunset, our real heroes were on
the prowl, putting razor blades in the palm
trees just like we did in the old island war-
fare days.
Somehow, and for no reason explained in
my official itinerary, the sun came up. Next
thing I knew, I was cruising with the Big
Necks on the sands of Hanauma Bay.
Bowneck, our token rocker, had opted for full
tourist fashion and was adorned in penny-
loafers and squarish Ray-Bans for maxi-
incognito. Death would stalk us for sure, and
I hoped the Mafia gods were on our side. It
had six Brotherhood marks on my 'dermis'
guaranteeing my survival in tribal land.
Ivory Chest made the natives think he was
some kind of Presley blood-relative, since.
Hanauma is the beach where they filmed
"Blue Hawaii." Us novice oceanographer
tough guy city slicks sure looked tough out
there in snorkel and fins, crawling across the
sprawling reefs.
"Oh look! There's a black and yellow one!"
"Ow shit, the water lowered and I slam-
med down my ass on a rock."
"Jesus Christ, look
there's a big ole'
Parrot Fish!"
"Parrot Fish nothin'.
There's a nerd shark
with tape on its.
glasses."
"I hope I find a
blowfish."
On the beach, the
necks were talking
jabee, and the events
they be expecting that
evening.
"I think it's going to
be a helluva event,"
Fats McNeck admon-
ished. "The ramp Tim
Payne slapped toge-
ther looks like a solid,
multi-lined mechna-
monster"
"I'm tossed as to
who I think's going to
win. It's a total Hosoi
dream ramp, the kind
he, Cab and Gonz
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