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Thick Necks-Big Rhino-Stopping Drinks-Norma
Jean-I Paid the Bill Last Round.
I don't know why, and I gave up trying to figure out why
about four years ago, but somehow weird shit always
comes back to haunt you every few millenniums. The
people I am supposed to meet are uglier, greyer, fatter
versions of a nightmare I once had at a skateboard
championship about fifteen years ago.
The rental car of choice was a Rolls Royce Silver Cloud,
complete with bar, TV, video machine and about forty
Swedish and Danish adult tapes. The inhabitants of the
Rolls included Thickneck, Turkeyneck, Swivelneck,
Noneck, Rubberneck and myself. They call me Loud.
First stop, Ala Moana Hotel, the sixty-five story mega-
structure painted as white as lizard spit. This place is so
damn bitchin' they don't even put their name on the front
of the building. Or the back or the sides, for that matter.
The doorman/bellhop popped the trunk and immedia-
tely pulled the luggage out to the curb. Unaccustomed
to cultural elegances such as this, Rubberneck instantly
apprehended the guy and threw him into the carp pond
across the driveway. Thickneck passed him a Ben Franklin
and said, "Sorry brah. My friend here just got back from
the Belgian Congo. Tiger wrestling, y'know. He's not too
accustomed to civilization, but he's the most recom-
mended bodyguard this side of Borneo. I'll tell you what,
brah, here's another Franklin, why don't you keep an eye
on our Cloud?"
"Mahalo! Mahalo!" said our new friend.
I shared a room with Turkeyneck on the thirtieth floor
overlooking the swimming pool and a gigantic blue ocean,
the name of which escapes me. T-neck and I elevated
up to Thickneck's room. He was waiting for Ringneck to
arrive the next day for some real Rolex fun. Thickneck
had a visitor who's name
was Fats McNeck and
they were occupied with
talk of the new and im-
proved N.S.A.
About two hours of this
posturing, "mine's big-
ger than yours even in at
blizzard" boisterousness
droned on before more
thick-necked mongoloid
esoteric proverbial lead-
ers of the pack began to
fill the room. The phone
rang and someone who
used to speak English
answered it, but the only
words he could remem-
ber were, "Fuck you
pinch forced tweaks with
a thorn bush," (a line he
was famous for in some
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Eric D. floats a method to
fakie in front of a packed
house. Sequence: Christian
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Top to Bottom: Massive-
Impressive local talent. It's
ejection time for Mike
Vallely and his female
acquaintance. Reese on the
loose. Neckabees wallow in
the Blow Hole.