WRASH
Stacy and Lori showed up at Civic Center, S., looking
very incog, except for heavy police protection.
SUDDEN IMPACT
The wrath of Hurricane Gilbert dealt at least
one major blow to the skate world by spoil-
ing the itinerary of skate history's largest,
most successful pro skate show, the Swatch
Impact Tour. On September 16th after leav-
ing Dallas, TX, the show headed west. The
eighteen-wheel trailer rig lost control on a
freshly-oiled, rain-slicked, wind-blown stretch
of interstate 20 near Abilene. It broke through
the barrier and flipped several times before
coming to rest in a ditch. The 13-ton, $65,000
mega-ramp specially designed and built for
the tour was declared a total loss. However,
the show must go on. Although many West
Coast dates were postponed, the Irvine
Meadows and San Diego shows were big hits
on a back-to-basics wooden ramp hastily
constructed in a matter of days.
104
TUMOROUS RUMORS
Chuck Treece is said by some to be the
new man in Odd Man Out. Cab, meanwhile,
is rumored to be "man out."
Tony Hawk is rumored to have been doing
an autograph gig in a NorCal Macy's depart
ment store when Mo told him about the Sacto
mini-ramp contest slated for the following
day. Fact has it that Hawk showed up, flayed
and won thirteen hun. Another persistent
tale: MoFo reckons he now deserves a
finder's fee.
Johnny Ray Bartel is rumored to have a
new girlfriend-a Playboy Playmate, in fact.
Apparently, the new mate is so fresh that she
hasn't even been printed yet. Photos
rumored to be the work of one Brad Bowman
are the talk of the town. (Rumor mongers
shouldn't confuse these photo-documents
with the fabled, fine-art photos taken by
Potato-Head of Olson and his she-friend's
Gotham City birthday party antics.)
Vince Klyne is rumored to be turning into
a motion picture producer. While the world
wonders, Klyne is said to be engineering a
modern Hawaiian-style
screen epic covering life
from Wallows, to Pearl
City to the Pipe.
QUINTESSENTIAL QUESTIONS
Did Red Dog actually call out Mad Dog
and the entire Alva Team in San Francisco?
Were Muir and Alva (two boyhood "friends")
serious or was it merely theater of the ab-
surd? Paradoxically, why were Mr. Muir and
the entire Dogtown team absent from the
Alva video premiere? Why was Jay Boy
(father of Jayson Adams) laughing so hard?
Does brainstormer Jim Gray actually net
$150 per hour to test urethane formulas
under combat conditions? Has Gray scored
the ultimate consulting gig?
Is Keith Cochrane sporting nickel-plated
knuckle busters as a drunk at a party recently
claimed? Does the Venture man really need
a platinum-plated beeper to keep up with
orders? Is Cochrane actually opening a
men's fashion emporium in the Fillmore?
Has Joe Lopes' rubber fetish now become
so extreme that he constantly walks around
with odd-looking, abuse-avoidance devices?
Is he perhaps merely road testing Rector
Wear? (Consult photos elswhere.)
Does Stacy Peralta now employ full
FRACTURED FACTS
Americans treated for skateboard-related injuries
in 1981: 24,423. In 1986: 81,067
Number of people 65 and older treated for skate-
board-related injuries in 1986: 162
Clothing magnate and
artistic impresario Jimmy
"Z" Ganzer is now ru-
mored to be cancelling his
hillside pool-ride environ-
ment due to harassment
from local building author-
ities who claim his private
skate palace sits atop an ancient landslide.
An unsuitable site? Always in motion.
Figures reprinted on MPPOCRATES-
The Megasin of H
September October 1900
Carl Ekstrom, rumored mold maker for the
T.D. Mank building concern, is further alleged
to be shaping asymmetrical cues for those
lucky initiated few.
Mike Smith, the effervescent wonder of
all wonders, is rumored to be going heart-
break hotel with some occupied
territory.
Following the much-discussed
emergency surgery that Mörizen
Föche underwent due to
a laceration, Becks
Brewery is considering
letting him on the factory
team.
Fabulous Skipper Boy is
rumored to have acheived cult
status in Australia. Furthermore,
certain Oz media magnates have
allegedly been observed docu-
menting Engblom's every word.
Left: Public skate facilities in San Juan,
Puerto Rico.
LLS
The latest skate-
related Injury fig-
ures have been
posted. Unofficial
spokesman Joe
Lopes has an extra
message to put
across, "Use 'em
when you do it,"
and "Don't do it."
Right: Tony Hawk
got writer's cramp
signing his name
at Macy's, totally
unaware that the
following day he'd
take the cash at
Sacto mini-comp.
time security enforcement
specialists? (See photo.)
Is Jef Hartsel writing a
college textbook on
Rastafarian theory?
Is some guy from
Culver City now the archi-
tect of Australia's move
into professional skate-
boarding? Has an Aussie
world skate champion
been rashly predicted by
some down under?
Does MoFo actually
spend $250 an outing on
forays to used book
stores? Has Mo enlisted
the help of Jimmy Fitz-
patrick to obtain rare
hardcover John Fante
books for his personal
liking? Was not Jimmy Cracked editor Michael Delle-Femine
Fante seen packing an skated into Mad publisher William Gaines
entire set of autographed office to have his Mad/Nash stick signed.
first editions of Dago Red, Ask the Dust,
Brotherhood of the Grape, Full of Life, West
of Rome, et cetera, for shipment to the guru
of the gutter? Will all skaters now search their
libraries for these books and send them to
MoFo who will in exchange send them
signed skate/art photos?
Is Tony Hawk's new ramp complex now
being called Mecca? Did not the Bones
Brigade film crew spend several days there
with exotic equipment? Was this for the video
that everyone knows nothing about?
Is the upcoming Hosoi birthday party at
the Palace Hotel also going to be an unstated
premiere for the legendary Christ vid?
Did Tracker Larry hire architect Louise
Ravera to build a highrise structure for a
recent trade show? Did this building only
exist for three days prior to demolition?
Is Chip Morton perplexed at the rash of
Limpies imitators? Have they slavishly dupli-
cated Morton's every move? Will nipple rings
ON BOARD
now adorn the chests of
the garment district?
Did a certain manu ac-
tually send out a paper
admitting that he was sell-
ing a product he wasn't
supposed to?
Was the recent industry
trade show in Long Beach
the site of even more top
level NSA reorganization
meetings? During all
these negotiations, did
the skate types actually
session blocks away at a
pool? Does this mean that
Hackett, Hosoi, Hartsel,
Johnny Ray, etc., are
non-political in nature?
Has skate-journalist
Tony Friedkin been ob-
served painting NO OIL
on walls around Santa
Monica? Does this mean
A.E.F. is political in nature?
Can a Cracked mag spoof of a skate mag
entitled TRASHER be serious? Why did the
Mad mag man William Gaines autograph
the Alfred E. Newman skate?
Did the Brigade tour Italy on Malvino's
Am-Ex card? Why is T. Guerrero laughing?
Is Amblin Inc. now making a sequel to
Back to the Future? Is the possibility of more
skate stuntwork the cause of anx-
iety for more than a few riders?
Will Big Balls follow Slime Balls?
Is Metiver now minister of Capitola
culture?
Is Britt Parrot quitting his editor-
ship to market a line of t-shirts with
Russian novelists' photos on them?
Was the Alva Boys video pre-
miere in a prestigious uptown S.F.
hotel an excercise in Rastafarian
symbolism? Did the warriors come
to Babylon? Was the hardcore ex-
plicit backyard pool footage so raw
that some lightweights couldn't
digest it?
Are Australian types promoting a
$40,000 contest? Does it have one
of the biggest ramps of all time? Is
any of this real? Does anyone care?
Is Ollie Avenue and Skater Street
the intersection of the universe? Do
hot Winters, CA, (pop. 2,500) locals
like Dylan Warner, Shawn McKim,
Dorrick Minnis, Jesse Bates, Mike
Kovach, Keenan Cassas, Jesse
Dodge, Matt Larson, Charles
This mini-skatetown report courtesy of
Noel Manners and the crew at Winters
Bike Shop.
Dawson, Glenn Drumright, Clayton Bent-
ley, Scott Foster, Juan Vargas and Dave
Pinkston hang there?
Is former Brady Bunch star Susan
"Cindy" Olsen now designing glow-in-the-
dark shoes for Converse? Is Tony Converse
definitely not involved? Does Scott Oster
wear them?
Is Henry Hester going to appear on the
Dating Game?
Did Steve Schneer actually ring an
amusement park "High Striker" bell with his
head? Was this Fun-Zone sponsored by
Powell Peralta? Were love monkeys Cab,
Lance, Thiebaud, Novak, Billy Ruff, Swen-
son, Dorfman, Ridge, Sarge Carter and
countless others all nearby? Was this satire
or promotion?
Did someone cut off Adrian Demain's
head in a tradeshow booth?
Were Brian Pennington, Dave Nielson,
Mark Roach, Bill Fergueson, Mark Erick-
son, Mark Heintzman, Jesse Neuhaus, Sal
Barbia, Brian Koffee and Paul Schneider
all on fire at the NSA Eastern Regionals in
Columbus, Ohio?
Is the Alva Team in Oz? Have they found
Dorothy yet?
Why did half a dozen menacing authority
types bust Paul Schmitt's birthday party?
Could it be that some of Paul's several hun-
dred close personal friends allegedly stole
the hotel bar? Did Big E. Rosecrans bark
OLLIE
SKATER
STOP