RASH
REVENGE OF THE VENICIANS
In the immortal words of Jay Adams,
"There's more V. Boys than ever." The
implications of this are staggering. We're
talking son of Jay Boy, son of Jimbo and
child of Jesse Martinez. (Did Mondo
start a trend with Wes Humpston?) Are
all V-Dog ragers now on the reproduc-
tive warpath? Can a Red Dog Junior be
far off? Meanwhile, Jimmy Ganzer,
father of the neoprene board short, is ac-
tively moving his design studio back to
Is not the kid in custody Lee Danzie,
heir to the throne of downhill speed
king John Hutson? Was he not
officially cited travelling in excess of
70 mph? Check the quiver if you
doubt his motives.
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Is Barry now accepting tips for medical services?
the V-Beach environs. (Since he's
already a father, we can only assume
that he will be functioning in a coaching
capacity.) More distressing yet is the
rumor that the Fabulous Skipperboy
has redone his varrio mansion from top
to bottom. Can it be true that Engblom's
new interior design reflects a certain
woman's touch? Or will those legendary
SMA clubhouse parties continue
unabated in front of the 200-watt stereo
big screen?
SPEAKING MORE BOYS WILL BE
BOYS
...What else? Is it possible that the
same Steve Rocco, who has from time
to time alluded to red ledgers and claim-
ed to be legally harassed and perse-
cuted, is now sporting a brand new
cellular car phone? Does he use this
high-tech instrument to be in constant
touch with his bankers, a la his one time
mentor Louis B. Dorfman? Is Steve
repeatedly phoning his brilliant team of
legal advisors as he plots yet another in-
tense tort? And what of the rumor that
Brad Dorfman's new ultra-slick, ever-
expansive new manufacturing complex
allegedly costs about 80 thousand U.S.
dollars per month to
rent? Is Rocco now
frequently calling
real estate agents
searching for an
even bigger factory
for himself? Worst
of all, is it true that
noted film producer
and art afficionado
Alaric Valentin
was the first guy to
get Steve's new
mobile number?
Is Dan Gesmer, "the first person to
develop skating methods based on a
thorough understanding of human
anatomy and skating mechanics," now
poised on the verge of a screen career?
Gesmer, who boasts a Yale philosophy
degree and has reportedly been under
consideration for a national arts endow-
ment, is now scoring an unbelievable
amount of air time. Is he, as rumors
relate, close to appearing on the David
Letterman Show? (Will the philosopher
be able to top the staccato tempo of
Danny Kramer's Late Night rap?)
Gesmer, who continually attempts to
meld skateboarding and fine art, is also
appearing in a new feature-length film
called Radical Moves. Word also has him
doing a cameo spot in the world's best
known top secret skate video.
On line-Vans Skateboard Park. See
photo of proposed facility.
But what of this shot of Jim Gray and
McGill? Is it the ready room at Park
McGill or the reception area of the
Blockhead factory, or is it the Bones
Brigade clubhouse, or is it Team
Tracker's training facility, or is it the
storage room at Brainstorm?
MORE BOARD BURNING
What can you say when your area's
largest supplier of skate equipment
decides to burn up his inventory? Accor-
ding to Toy Warehouse owner Phyllis
Cobb, "My story is that it's really gotten
Above: Is this Mike McGill's new
training facility for pre-pubes?
Laft: Did Mr. and Mrs. Tony Alva
preview their new video in S.F.?
Below: Does the layout for the Van's
Skatepark seem a little tight to you?
ARM YOURGAL
ON BOARD
out of control...you can tie anything in
with satanism if you want to...kids
started asking for all kinds of weird
things." Get the picture? We don't. Ac-
cording to an article in the Pocono
Record, skate symbols such as
serpents, bones and skeletons are par-
ticularly popular. "They don't want
anything that's down to earth, they want
stuff that's way out." Last May the local
Stroudsburg Council banned skate-
boarding on the streets, sidewalks and
alleys in town. Sound like extreme skate
harassment yet? Are good skateboards
to be punished for their paint jobs? Is this
not a ridiculous waste of natural
resources? How long does it take to grow
a tree? And what of burning skate stuff,
doesn't that cause air pollution? Who
are the criminals here? Are not skaters
entitled to their transport of choice? Is
it not against the law to pollute? And
what of skulls...isn't everybody born
with one?
Local ripsters of Delaware Water Gap,
such as Todd Mastrobouni, Niam
Neissner and Chris Wimpee are
bucking heavy harassment. It's
amazing that the adult power
complex refuses to recog-
nize the rights of several
hundred kids who just want
to roll. Could this be the
story of your town? Penn-
sylvania is the place this
time.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Mr. and Mrs. John
Cousins and Mr. and Mrs.
Keith Baucom invite you to
Left: Does Sam Cunningham read
Japanese? Above: Is that a coveted,
all-access NSA wristband or a
hospital ID tag? Right: Does this
need further explanation?
share their joy since their children have
united in marriage. Can it be true that
Kelly and Chris have tied the matri-
monial knot? The Rude Boy married?
In a Catholic church? Did Bruce Walker
play the wedding march on a kazoo, as
rumored? Is Alan Gelfand now an or-
dained priest? Did he perform the
ceremony as Kona Park locals allege?
Santa Cruz, CA, skater chicks have a
network: cheap skates and a reality link.
Drop a note to Mare at Network, PO. Box
1476, Soquel, CA 95073.
For those of us who doubted the rise
of skate-republicanism, consider the
document on this page. Yes, once again,
here's visual proof that Fausto has gone.
around the bend. Okay, so Peralta was
right. (Now he claims that the SMA crew
were having TV parties during the
Republican Convention.) What's next?
Will Richard Novak run for Congress on
the Republican platform? (After all, he's
been observed windsurfing on what
appears to be an elephant emblazoned
board.)
Alex Warburton, a business card-
carrying Ontario, Canada, snowboarder,
has now labeled Billy Runaway as a
"dork" for his crime of misreporting the
sport of snowboarding. Besides Alex's
moral outrage at such decidedly yellow
snow journalism, could he be motivated
by the fact that his photo on page 66 was
identified as someone else? ►
Ronald Ringan
Priedent of the United St
hamby presents this
Certificate of Appreciatio
MR. FAUSTO VITELLO
inition of the
Republican National Ce
1988
th day of Jus
WHO?
Ronald Reagen
مرسان الاسم الان
Saint of the Writte
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