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I was very surprised to see that there
was a lot of skating there. There's a
pretty strong scene and everything. Just
like whenever I visit Southern California
and hang out with the Dog Town boys
and Natas and all that, you know. All
skaters have a camaraderie.
How did you adapt to the food and the
climate?
Oh, I stayed in my hotel room the whole
time, except for when I was skating.
which was in a sealed off area within the
American Embassy.
To what other towns, cities and
countries has your skating taken you?
I did a seven-state tour for Mary Kay,
travelling through small suburban towns
in the Bible Belt with a group of other
performers-none of them skaters-
religious evangelists, gospel singers,
Drexel Heritage furniture salesmen...
You've never had a sponsorship
through a major skateboard manu-
facturer. Does the Salvation Army,
YMCA or any other general assistance
group help you in your travels and
skate scene?
Well, when I started my career, I worked
Vegas a lot and the majority of the
casinos were sponsoring me. They liked
me and they thought I was a fresh kid
and all that, so I kind of got my break in
Vegas. The first time I met Wayne
Newton and Englebert Humperdink they
took me backstage where they were
People will be running to the beach and
glueing sand to their boards. This better
not make it to the National Enquirer.
Has skateboarding helped you in life?
Yes, definitely, in all aspects: physical,
mental, sexual, and spiritual.
Tell us about the time you made Rit
dye balloon bombs to quickly empty a
killer pool.
When I was young in Manhattan's Arab-
ian ghetto, I was the only white-l mean
caucasian. There was a perfect four-leaf
clover pool. We threw black Rit dye into
the pool because we thought they'd
clean it out. Actually, they liked it that
way. They thanked us for it. So we never
got to skate the pool.
Is it true that all those Hollywood
skate-stuntmen are one person, and
that is you?
No one's supposed to know that.
What do you recommend for skate
arthritis?
playing around on a little kickturn ramp.
Nothing heavy, but still they were really
into it. So, after doing a few demos for
them I eventually assumed such a high
status that I had absolutely no use for
sponsors. At 400 G's a demo, for only
forty-five minutes of skating, I'm "sitting
pretty" Hey, I have a great agent. Even
Ronald Reagan, the President of the
United States, wanted me to come out to
his ranch in Santa Barbara and do a
demo. I rapped with him for a while. He
had no idea about anything in regards to
skating. I mean, Nancy was oblivious to
the word "boneless." It was ridiculous, so
I denied them. They couldn't afford me,
basically. I don't have time for that.
Did you ever go to a skateboard park?
Skateboard park?
You know, where you paid, went
behind a fence to skate with rules.
I've heard about them, but never really
chanced to go because there wasn't any
money in it for me.
Tell us one of your most secret of
secrets.
Well, my fiancee, Esmarelda gives me
wonderful massages. There's no better
cure than strong hands.
Many of your friends say you always
had your head up your ass, but since
you began skating, your head swelled
and now you can't get it out. How do
you react?
Well, basically, uh, I can't hear a word
they're saying.
Is it true that your right leg is seven
inches shorter than your left? And
does it make it quicker for pumps?
Well, no, it's my left leg. I'm goofy-footed
and, yes, it helps out a lot. I can beat the
average guy with symetrical leg lengths
in the fifty yard push dash on a
skateboard. You can really notice it when
I do handstands. Besides, the girls like it.
Is it true you worship the number 96?
Nope! I only worship elephant wrenches.
With your Hollywood-type reputation,
how are you able to avoid AIDS?
Well, I just got one this morning from my
agent. All the manufacturers that make
grip tape are running out of compounds
and materials to make the stuff. This year
there's gonna be no grip tape. Skaters
are gonna be lost, slipping. Elmer's glue
is going to make a lot of money this year.
In the sequence at left, Joey demonstrates his
super-Houdini-evangelist-quick-change Bertleman
on a grassy bank.
I avoid contracting diseases by never
coming into physical contact with any
other person.
Are you saying that you're a loner?
Oh, no, I've got friends. I share good
times and laughter, but I've never
touched another human being, skin to
skin. As for my fiancee, well...let's just
say I have to buy Plastic-Wrap in bulk.
Your father is best known for his
morning radio show on Long Island.
What does your mother do for a living?
Well, Mom is North America's most
highly renowned corned beef con-
noisseur. She imports corned beef from
other countries. She caters my demos.
Wayne Newton hired her. Right now she's
on vacation in Iowa.
What is your opinion of the recent
surge in skateboarding's popularity?
Never heard about it. Skateboarding
doesn't belong in public and shouldn't be
on the streets breaking little boys' elbows
and ankles. There's only a few people
who really know how (Continued on page 123)
7-boy
Danny Pena
Z-RolleR
TRUCK
Z Products P.O. Box 5397 Santa Monica California 90405 (213) 476-4857