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INTERVIEW
He's the guy you'll never see coming up your street. He's the guy
you don't want to introduce to your family. He's the guy who won't look
your way when you scream his name. He's the fashion victim, feared
throughout the land. He's the most underrated professional
skateboarder in the world today. He's the Las Vegas and Hollywood glit-
ter crowd's best friend. He's loved an Oscar-winning actress, only to
leave her in a pool of her own tears for a glorious lady of wrestling.
He's your biggest success fantasy, and more. He's-Joey McSqueeb.
Interview and Photos by Bryce Kanights
What sort of name is Joey McSqueeb?
Yiddish and Scottish. It's 'Ish.
How old are you?
Umm, I can't rightfully say. There's no
record of my birth. I was born somewhere
in the woods, outside of civilization. I
once heard I was born in a barn.
When did you make your first acquain-
tance with a skateboard?
Well, see, the subway station where I
lived was behind a skateboard manu-
facturer, whose name I won't mention.
They used to throw out old blanks. I ate
off old skateboards. Used them as place
mats for at least ten years of my life,
before I even thought of riding one or
attaching it to wheels and trucks. But
that's another story.
Describe your first skateboard.
It was perfectly round, completely round.
No defined nose or kicktail, just a circle.
It only had three wheels. I think it was
called a Skircle.
Your style definitely differs from all the
older skaters. When did you develop
your current form?
I was sent to rodeo clown school at the
age of six. When I got out at the age of
ten, I started skating. So I suppose that
clown school substantially influenced the
way I skate.
How long have you been skating?
Since the "Summer of Love," basically.
Are you saying you're a product of the
hippie era?
No, I've never been into trends.
Do you have any influences?
Religiously, I credit two men with shaping
my self-righteous attitude: Wayne Newton
and Alfred E. Newman. They are basic-
ally my mentors. Roy Orbison is a spirit-
ual leader. Oh, there are skaters, like Alva
and Peralta. We taught each other basics
in the old days. It's good to see those
guys have finally managed to succeed.
Of those who were in the original
underground skating scene, you are
undoubtedly the most elusive. Your
career seems to have been promoted
the least. Why?
Well, (grin) I always leave early.
Left: At a Houston Texas apartment complex, Joey
leaps across a mild canyon section of the rodeo
clown banks.
What have been the high points in
your skating career?
Let's see...A few years back I was
called to do a demo at Wayne Newton's
mother's funeral. Most of my clients are
rich. I demand lots of money. That's why
a lot of kids don't know who I am. I only
cater to the stars actually. I raked in
$400,000 for Wayne's demo.
That's a hefty profit. What did you do?
Well, Wayne likes skating. He doesn't
want it to be known, but he likes it a lot.
Anyway, I had this huge cake, shaped
kind of like a launch-ramp, put at the foot
of the casket. Wayne requested a few
tricks, like ollie to tail and so on. So I
cleared his mother's casket and landed
to tail, slamming the casket shut. They
carried her off and placed her in the
ground. Another high point was driving
through the Sierras.
Tell me about the low points?
Um, one of the only low points is having
to wear my hair back during these
demos, because, well, rich people don't
really understand my hairstyle, y'know, so
I have to conform. I've heard tell that
some kids copy my hair style. Some have
even named it after me.
What do you think are the key moves
in skating right now?
I've been working on some stuff,
Christies and high speed handstands off
the roofs of vans. I like to do tricks.
without shoes, because shoes interfere
with the board-to-aura contact I like to
achieve. We're talking hamburger feet
most of the time, but you gotta pay dues.
Pirouettes, low-pivotal slash-backs on flat
ground and walk-the-dogs. I've been
doing a lot of barrel jumping.
Do you feel you've been denied your
share of coverage over the years?
Well, you see, my clientele are in such
high places that I never appear in the
popular skate magazines. I did have a
double page photo last month in Field
and Stream doing a nose wheelie near
Lake Saskatchewan. Also Popular
Mechanics featured me in their lock nut
maintenance and various small repairs
articles.
What about Better Homes and
Gardens?
Yeah, I had a column for a couple issues.
Joey believes doing this daily skate-ritual-thing.
in front of his mansion, helps his "body to
skate contact."
They didn't want me to write. Well, they
called me illiterate. I don't know, they
used the term loosely.
Do you think of yourself as a star?
Oh yes, definitely. I seem to appeal to
women in their late thirties to early for-
ties. Probably because I do a lot of make-
up gigs, y'know. Mary Kay Cosmetics has
me do a lot of demos. I'm pretty big in
some people's minds.
Do you ever think about finishing
school?
I never went to finishing school.
What do you do when you're not
skating?
Well, I go to the tanning salon and also
do a lot of work with unwed mothers, just
getting them their start. I also moonlight
as a Hyundai test driver.
Do you worry much about skin cancer?
Funny you should bring that up. Every
night before I sleep I read the same little
pamphlet I've read for twenty-five years
on how to prevent skin cancer.
What's the best skate spot you've had
the chance to skate?
There was this one curb-metal edged
curb. I'd never seen one. I know that no
other civilization could have one. I was in
Beirut right near where Terry Waite got
nabbed. Probably gone now, but it was
the best.
Do you agree with the belief in
function before fashion?
Uh, no. Hey, I wear really uncomfortable
clothes whenever I skate. What really
counts is that they look good.
What's your favorite food?
Oh, mango chutney-and corned beef,
the way mom used to make it.
Any nicknames?
No, definitely not.
You were recently visiting New Dehli,
India. How was the skating there? ►
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