Layback danger
play, eight inches
from a sheer fifteen-
foot drop to concrete.
Spidey at the Con-
course, San Diego
remember what happened.
It was hard. For years I couldn't find
a job. I felt like a bum. I had no drive.
Finally opportunity struck, and I
reached out to it, grabbed it and
refused to let go. I've been workin' in
that hardware store for near thirty
years now, raised two kids, set them
off into the world and began savin'
up for a dream vacation for the little
lady and myself.
I've had very little time to socialize,
my hectic class schedule practically
prohibits it. Still, I've managed to
make a few casual acquaintances.
One new friend, Hillary, is a real
crack-up. She and I went out last
week to a really modern dance club
and had a real ball. Hillary has lived
in San Diego all of her life and seems
to know almost everybody. Even the
66
man at the door, and we got into the
club for free! We ran into a friend of
Hillary's, Mike, who was with a
friend, a guy who for some reason
seemed to be followed by a dark
cloud. I couldn't see the cloud, but by
looking at his face, you could tell he
knew it was there, following him. He
sort of made people feel uncomfor-
table without even doing anything. I
wish I could tell you what this guy's
name is, but I'm not so sure myself.
Every time Mike addressed him, it
was by a different name. First it was
Joe, then it was Ralph, then Jimmy
and once it was Big Nick. It was im-
possible to get a straight answer out
of him. I asked him what he did for
a living, and he said he was a
"photo-anarchist who tracked down
thieves."
When he excused himself to the
mens room, I asked Mike about him
and he told me that the mystery man
worked for a magazine and was in
San Diego on assignment, that
mystery man didn't like talking very
much, especially small talk, and that
he doesn't like people that much
either and that you never know what
he's going to do next. Mike made him
sound dangerous. I got the chills.
I tell ya, Maynard, the day finally
came when we left New Jersey for
them Hawaiian Islands. But on the
stop-over in Los Angeles, a group of
funny lookin' kids got on. They was
carryin' them whatchacallits,...er,
skateboards, that's it. Anyhow, they
spread out all over the place then
they all put on headphones for them
there,...er, portable tape player
things Soon they started beating on
the fold-down tray tables like drums.
Me and the missus couldn't stand it.
It's a dam good thing the cocktails
were served when they were or else
I would've strangled one of 'em,
maybe two. My metal plate began to
pound.
But by the time we touched down
on Oahu, I'd practically put the brats
out of my head and had begun think-
ing of the good time me and Dorothy
were gonna have on the Sandwich
Isles. That's another name for
Hawaii, y'know, Maynard. But dam-
mit, Maynard, we meets up with them
kids again at the baggage claim.
They were loud. They acted like rac-
coons, y'know, gettin' into every-
thing. They started ridin' them damn
contraptions all over the sidewalks,
the hallways, the curbs and up the
walls. Up walls, Maynard! It just ain't
natural. A friggin' nightmare,
Maynard. Then I started noticin' fun-
ny little decals beginnin' to appear all
over the place. Decals with skulls on
'em, Maynard. SKULLS.
Before we left they invited us to join
them for dinner the following even-
ing. The restaurant we met at was up
the coast, in a town called Encinitas.
You'd just love this restaurant, Sis, it
has everything you'd want in a place:
culture, beautiful art, beautiful food
and the best personal service I've
ever seen. The food is exquisitely
prepared, and they have a wine list
that won't quit. After we ordered (1
ordered some venison, fresh, im-
ported from Switzerland), Hillary got
Mike into a deep conversation about
some personal gossip. If you ask me,
I think they are or once were lovers.
Anyway, she leaves me no alter-
native but to make "small talk" with:
Mr. Sunshine Personality, himself. I
start off with one simple question,
"What did you guys do today?" and
he began a tirade in what sounded.
like a strange new language, kind of
like English with new words, even
some regular English words, but with
some sort of new meaning. I could
understand most of what he had to
say, they went to a backyard swim-
ming pool, an empty one, and he took
photographs (Not pictures. He said
pictures are taken by people who
don't know how to look through a
camera.) of a professional skate-
boarder named Crockadile, or Ali-
gator or Lizard. I know it was some
kind of reptile. This is how he describ-
ed the beast, "He aired over the bot-
tom of the slide." "He ground where
the coping was gone." "He acid drop-
ped the squared hip." "A big front-
Hijo de Loco
riding atop a low
rotational, pivotal-tail
scraper-grinder, at
speed, at the little-
publicized "Off the
Wall," a few miles
outside Waikiki,
Hawaii. How many of
you guessed this is
really Stacy Peralta?