TRASH
ON BOARD
RETROFIT
When last heard from, that major mover
and citizen of the world, Brad Dorfman, had
graciously stepped forth to offer leadership
and much needed cash in the effort to max-
imize the NSA's final effort in Anaheim. In-
formed sources state that Mr. D. has hired
legions of skilled promoters and crack video
technicians in his effort to professionalize
the endeavor. Can it be possible that assort-
ed social mutations such as Dickvak,
Fausto, Peralta, D. David Morin, Tracker
Larry and Bad H have volunteered their per-
sonal assistance in the spirit of the sport?
Elsewhere, strange NSA rumors persist.
Such as: our favorite skate control organiza-
tion was so low on operating funds that one
of the board of directors allegedly dipped.
into her own pocketbook to keep the circus
going. Or how about the bizzare tale alleg-
ing that certain prime NSA functionaries ac-
tually hold secret private meetings follow-
ing those well-known NSA meetings with
manufacturers? And the sickest slur of all
is the purported plot being promoted by
some severely anti-organizational south bay
skate outlaw types. It has been claimed by
members of the underground that a few
thousand well-placed stickers in the
Anaheim concourse could permanently
bankrupt the NSA. (This is no doubt a
reference to the much ballyhooed regula-
tion that a fine of 15 bucks each sticker will
be levied against the contest promoters by
the convention center.) For our part, if such
an agreement was actually entered into by
whomever, we can only question the sanity
and legality of such a stipulation. If memory
serves us correctly, at the last major
Anaheim contest, held in '66 or so, they had
to level the slalom course because it was
too steep and very few could make the
gates. Hopefully we've all come a long way
since then. Anyhow, twenty or so years later
we see history repeat itself. See you at
Anaheim. Fun, not fascist artificial flavoring.
SKATE OF THE UNION MESSAGE
Is it time for more distressing political pro-
paganda? Word has it that certain fast buck
seeking bicycle dealer types are now de-
claring skating to be dead. The reason? It
seems that those crappy cheapo Taiwan
sleds aren't moving. Can this mean those
double dealing types are going to leave us
soon? Not surprisingly, reputable manufac-
turers of real, hard-core equipment are ex-
periencing record high sales.
WEDDING BELL HELL'
Steve Rocco, that once-married, reluc-
tant bachelor and psychic advisor to the
stars, is at it again. Rocco, who once top-
pled his own sponsor's empire in a firestorm
of advanced intellectual constructs and pro-
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motional mayhem is now apparently con-
ducting an international dating service. His
latest social link-up allegedly involves Mr.
Mutt, the greatest innovator known to man
or beast. Is it really possible that Rodney
Mullen is getting married? Were Rocco and
Gonz really seen skating through New York
City's most fashionable clubs searching for
the ever elusive Zebby Day? Can it be true
that Zebby and Gonz are going through
with their much threatened marriage plans?
Will Rocco tie the knot with a certain blonde
lass who lives around the corner from Mike
Vallely? Will Rodney, Gonz and Rocco
have a triple ceremony? No one's talking
although Gonz did describe Vallely's street
attack as being "just like freestyle only up-
side down."
ALL CULT, NO CULTURE
somewhere on the European continental
land mass, eight-wheeled attacks are very
much in vogue. Even Alley Oop 'Zine is
devoting coverage XB. And we quote a cap-
tion here for our reader's perusal. "Hey
lonesome cowboy porno, porno, porno
agression alter, Bleib locker! Lars Langutin
skates while Helge Tscham shoots." Other
assailants cited for bravery under extreme-
ly hazardous circumstances include Reto
Matter Schweiz, Thomas Kalak, Thomas
"Friedel" Friedrich, Stephan Oerder
Koln, Arne Lagguth, Martin Broich and
Klaus Richtoffen.
What did Mr. Gray say to the sheik types at Park Del Mar?
Talking too cruel to comment Did the
legendary Swank walk away from a well-
known slick skate mag's offices late one
night, leaving the lights on, doors open and
stereo blasting? Todd has no comment;
however, some BMX'ers turned skate
documentarians claim to have crashed the
editorial boards.
Former editor of Skateboarder Magazine
Warren Bolster and surt/skater Willie Mor-
ris are deep in the heart of Red China. Great
Wall photo sessions are reportedly the rage.
The illustrious Potato Head is now
employed by Red Dog and other Muirs
deep in the heart of Dogtown's industrial
complex.
And from our Keeping Up with the
Balmas Dept...Tracker Larry's acquisition
of the month is a massive $32,000 Volvo
diesel truck. Balma and Per Welinder
reportedly hit eighty driving it downhill in the
Rockies.
Eight-wheeled spies are rolling. Recent
talk has Fred Blood supposedly retiring
from BMX to return to eight-wheeled vertical
aggression once more. Meanwhile,
Gotcha reportedly is considering putting
out 100 grand to organize a team USA skate
tour.
Also making inroads into major skate
sponsorship is Airwalk. Many major pros are
reportedly considering.
And for our strangest potential sponsor-
ships, how about the three shiek types with
the long Lincoln limousine who allegedly
talked big bucks to Jim Gray? These camel
jockeys camped outside of park Del Mar
hoping to meet Mr. Gray.
MORE QUESTIONS
Is it true that skate afficionado Billy Sharp
became the latest boy to pass on being.
editor of Bodyboarder Magazine?
Is it true that media magnate Bernie
Baker is passing on ramp sessions in order
to chance 15-foot go-outs at Sunset accom-
panied by international art fave Julian
Schnabel? After all, isn't Julian just another
surt/skate rat from Texas?
Is it true that long time Santa Monica
skate artist Dean Edwards has gone up-
town to art stardom? Is he showing painted
surfboards along with former Orange Coun-
ty Curb skater Kenny Scharf at the Kohn
gallery in glitzy L.A.? Did California
Magazine once call Dean the Polyethelene
Picasso?
Is a prominent manufacturer now telling
all those who'll listen the sad tale of having
one quarter of a million dollars embezzled
from him?
Is it true that the Moscow Circus features
8 skaters as a main attraction? Are Keith
Stephenson and Billy Runaway going to
Russia to find out if two of the skaters are
girls?
Is S.M. Air ace Tony Converse aka Slim,
the New York graffiti artist, designing new
skate shoes for the company of the same
name?
Is there a Jesse Martinez model in the
immediate future? Is the world ready?
Did a raghead operating out of England.
misrepresent the facts on a recent major
transaction? Were the goods that were sold
for export to India actually headed for an in-
famous discount chain? Are a couple of
manufacturers whose goods are now
reportedly being sold in Captain Cheapos
stores more than a little pissed? Is legal ac-
tion being contemplated? Is the president
of Captain Cheapos actually the golfing part-
ner of another competing manufacturer?
Was it all an inside job? Did not the offend
ed manus turn down another five-million-
dollar deal, stating, "We do not put handles
on skateboards"?
Is the Quicksilver company going public?
Is Spidey buying large blocks of stock?
Was the Powell-Peralta video crew kick-
ed out of a two-thousand-dollar per day
video editing facility when the owners
witnessed Guerrero, Caballero and Mount-
ain doing bomb drops off several million
bucks worth of video equipment? Or was
Peralta skating alone, testing trucks? If so,
what kind were they? As a sidebar to this
item, let's tag on another tidbit about the
Bones Brigade. Evidently the extensive
room service tabs left behind by the
Powell/Peraita skate act in Toronto during the
Police Academy IV shoot were such a cause
for concern that studio bookkeepers were
supposedly trying to ring the PP boys in
Honolulu to sort out the giant-sized billings.
And where are they now? Is Jim Good-
rich now selling pool supplies and Her
balife? Is Larry Gordon now selling car
phones and organic pep pills?
Which manu dressed up as GSD at a re-
cent Halloween party?
Has perennial wanderer Britt Parrott
signed on for five more years in California?
Is Dennis Martinez serious about a Mex-
ican government-sponsored 40-foot ramp in
Mexico?
Did a skate tech sponsor actually go to
Taiwan in November rather than finance his
riders' boards for December, thus making
certain pros much poorer in January?
Is Paul Schmitt designing the first poly-
vulcanized snow ramp in history?
Did Psycho show up at a skate shop only
to find that no one knew who he was?
Is Tony Alva preparing a Dogtown
nouveau history for a certain slick mag?
Have certain shops actually tried to order
cases of Joe Lopes Own B.B.Q Sauce?
Is Rob Roskopp being groomed to take
over the Santa Cruz Empire? Will Dickvak
soon retire to raise apples?
Are Hollywood movie mogul types at-
tempting to find Christian Hosoi? Is it true
Christ returns none of their calls? Or do they
just have the wrong sponsor's phone.
number?
Is Magnusson pioneering a new board
technology in Canada?
Is Jeff Newton actually attending a
biblical college in El Paso?
TRUTH IN ADVERT DEPT.
Yes, there was a Day Of Gonz. In the
classic promotional maneuver of the cen-
tury, the lucky Schwary clan of Woodland
Hills, CA, actually won the Gonz for a day.
(as a bonus they got Rocco and Natas as
well). Word has it that the family is rebuilding
their living room as a result of the fracas.
Meanwhile, the Academy of Motion Pictures
is searching for the culprits who allegedly
stickered Mr. Schwary's Oscar. Stephen
Spielberg's office was unavailable for com-
ment. However, the lads did a ferocious ses-
sion at the Parkman Banks where Adam
Sarkissian, Brian Schwary, Neil Schwary.
Rick Sharp, Christian Sharp. Ron.
Schwary, Chris Kwun, Susan Schwary,
Buster Schwary, Mary Shoffner and Babs
Schwary all shredded unbelievably. The
magnanamous Mr. Eric supported the two
hundred and fifty buck lunch bill while Roc-
co, Gonz and Natas gave product to the
masses.
BUST OF MONTH
In the annals of Santa Cruz lore there is
one legend that outstrips the rest. Back in
skate pre-history, some slimy toad burned
down NHS founder Doug Haut's factory.
Co-founder Richard Novak heroically
fought the flames but managed to salvage
only a couple of Haut's "For Pleasure Only"
stickers. The story of this fire, accidentally
started by a long-forgotten employee, has
been recounted hundreds of times. But
what happened to the energetic soul who
ignited the legend, so to speak? Was he ac-
tually the brother of rag editor Kevin Kin-
near? No wonder everyone sent Ms. Peggy
fire extinguishers for X-Mas.
QUOTES OF MONTH
"Sorey de jubun dusu" (Just enough to
impress).
Bruno Peters
"I miss college life and pressure and
girls."
Bryan Ridgeway
COMING EVENTS
April 18-19
WEST END SKATE JAM
Richmond, VA Street and ramp contest,
3 divisions & sponsored ams. Pros
welcome to demo. Contact Joe Pintazalle,
9343 Gildenfield Ct., Richmond, VA 23229
(804) 270-0968.
1987 SNOWBOARD CALENDAR
February 13-15
PURGATORY PRO-AM
Durango, CO Events T.B.A. For info call
Mike Mayner (505) 757-6238.
February 22-March 1
NEW ENGLAND CUP SERIES
Lincoln, NH East Coast contest series at
Loon Mountain. For more info contact Chris
Karol at (603) 745-8111
February 28-March 1
TIMBERLINE SNOWBOARD CLASSIC
Mt. Hood, OR Slalom event to be held at
Timberline. For more info call Howard
Weiner (503) 223-0245 or write 213 NW
Couch St., Portland, OR 97209.
March 6-8
U.S. OPEN SNOWBOARD
CHAMPIONSHIPS
Stratton Mtn., VT Slalom and downhill
events, pre-qualifying on 6th, qualifying
and finals 7th-8th. Contact Burton (800)
448-0100.
April 3-5
WORLD SNOWBOARD CLASSIC
Brekenridge, CO Slalom, giant slalom,
halfpipe events. World class event, 200
riders from over 7 countries last year, more
expected this year. For more info call (303)
453-2368.
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