SKATER
22
KATER'S EDGE
By Bob Denike
"Caveat Emptor," is a concept that I heard
repeated in school time and time again, but
never really sunk in. It's a Latin phrase
meaning, "Let the buyer beware," and it
sank in deeper than I wanted as I stared
at another bad investment in my life. My
roommate, in an attempt to console, offered
me a beer and said, "Man, if there are scam
artists out there, you're the canvas of their
dreams." In her own straight-to-the-point
off-key way, she was right. Burns, scams,
bad investments, pissing money away on
total garbage; it happens everyday and I'm
the leading offender.
Well, I felt pretty low that day, real low,
laid on the floor to be exact, as I drank
another and reviewed in my mind some of
the worst scams in skateboarding, in an
attempt to enlighten you on the meaning
of "Caveat Emptor."
Scam #1-Buying what you think you're
buying but you're not.
Scam #3 - Non-skateboard related
skateboard companies
A few companies really get off (get rich)
on imitating, copying, or plain and simple
ripping-off a name, logo or design so that
the unaware consumer will think they are
buying the real thing. Some go for the simi-
lar design game with products that, ounce
for ounce, are exact in every dimension.
Some play with names, like the deck with Don't get burned, bro.
a bird on the bottom that just happens to
share the name with a #1 competition ska-
ter-an amazing coincidence. And the
safety equipment which looks the same,
but doesn't protect the same, again with
the exact dimensions of the original. Then
there is the prime example of a few years
back: thousands of decks bearing an orien-
tal flag logo, again a coincidence because
the #1 selling deck was from a legitimate
skater carrying a similar logo. Just keep in
mind, if the product is hot it will be copied
and the copies, no doubt of lower quality,
will be purchased. I assume skaters today
are sophisticated enough not to be pulled
in by this, but be aware. Look for brand
name products and go to a real, live
skateboard shop. Finally, educate the pa-
rents around Christmas time, they are prime
targets for this scam.
Scam #2 - Funky advertisements
Well, not really a true scam but I'm sure
it pulls in a few and gets people to buy
things they may not really want. Words like
"the fastest wheel made," "the finest wheel-
bearing combination available," "quick
change this and that." Don't fall for this stuff.
Performance is the #1 reason to buy a
product and if it works for you then buy it.
If you can try someone else's deck with the
product you want on it, better yet. Don't let
heavy words, numbers, formulas or claims
to fame pull the cash out of your wallet.
Multi-meaning, rhetorical verbage has
never once improved a product.
This is an interesting concept: companies
that have no real reason to be selling
skateboards other than the fact that they
can get them made cheaply and can push
them with a large advertising budget. Some
are related-type of sport companies, like
surfing, snowboarding, and water skiing (?)
and a few have worthy products. It's the
few that push the crap and push it effectively
that really scare me. Again, purchase brand
names that are solid, have been around
awhile, or are at least owned and run by
someone who really knows what skateboard-
ing is all about. Your better skateboard
shops and mail orders can help you sepa-
rate the men from the toys.
Scam #4 Crap, scum, garbage, and
slime in the form of a skateboard or
related product
Although this scam really relates to all
the others, it does warrant its own complete
description. Most of this stuff is from Taiwan,
carries a low price tag, and is sold every
day to the tune of some heavy dollars. Sure
signs of this make up a long list: soft, brittle,
poorly laminated decks, non-abrasive
"sparkling" griptape, trucks that weigh a
ton, with poor workmanship, poor quality
metals, non-locking hardware, shiny plas-
tic-looking wheels, semi-precision bear-
ings, and really funky graphics that are
more at home on a pinball machine. If you
CAVEAT EMPTOR
still are asking, "How do I know this is
crap?", I'll let you in on a sure test. Pick up
the board in question and look at each
component. Now if each component on the
deck is sold separately, that is, piece by
piece, with replacement parts being readily
available, then 9 times out of 10 the product
is of worthy quality and you'll be satisfied.
Stay away from the 'one of a kind" products
with no chance for replacement if a part
should break. This is the trash I'm trying to
describe.
Scam #5 Mail orders
Although this medium for purchasing at
board has improved greatly over the years,
some scams still exist. To start, if the phone
number for the mail order outfit is listed,
use it. An investment in any phone call toll
is well worth it. All your questions can be
handled, you can see that they actually
have the stuff in stock, and most import-
antly, you can sum up the place to see if
they really have their act together just by
the way your order is handled. Are they
friendly and helpful or are you dealing with
a stoner who doesn't give one iota worth
of concern about your order? The remaining
tips on mail orders go like this: 1) Ask them
if the stuff is in stock and when they will
ship it. "Today or tomorrow" is a good answer,
"six to eight weeks" means they don't have
it and may never get it. 2) Ask then if the
griptape, hardware, riser pads, bearings,
and any plastic accessories are of high
quality. These are little things that a mail
order can cut corners on to increase their
profit. 3) Make sure everything you order
is proportional in size (i.e the truck/wheel
combo is right for the size deck you want).
4) Ask about substitutions. If it has to be
substituted maybe you don't want it. 5) What
occurs in the event you are not satisfied
and you want to return the merchandise?
Can you return it for a full refund? And who
picks up the shipping costs? 6) Have them
fully explain any fine print you may not
understand. Ask them what exactly they
mean by "includes high speed wheels" or
"semi-precision bearings. Don't be sur
prised.
All in all, mail order houses are a viable
way to get your hands on a skate, just take
the necessary precautions. It's always bet-
ter to physically purchase a board at a skate
shop, even if it means a trip across town
or dealing with slightly higher prices. After
all, you are seeing what you are buying. If
this is impossible, the buck spent on a
phone call is much cheaper than being
disappointed.
So there you go skate fans, the top five
scams lurking out there ready to pounce
on your pile of cash. Hopefully by now you
have a good understanding of the phrase
"Caveat Emptor" and are going out into the
world to live a scam-free life. Well, if that
isn't possible, at least know what you're
buying, watch out for the top five, and make
sure you aren't on the wrong side of a
beautiful scam. Take care and skate safe.
QuiksilveR
"TAKE IT TO THE BEACH!"