THIS TAFE CONTAINS
MTV GET OFF THE AIR
DRK DRIEM presents
DEADRA
KENNEDYS
JELLO BIAFRA
VIDEO DOCUMENTARY
Tha DEAD KENNEDY
16,
ading of San Francina's DMPO ON BROADWAY
Angry Gard RT and Night Director Dirt Data s
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313-736-6868
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OBOZ
GULLWING VARIFLEX
★ MADRID
RENT-A-COP CRAP
Talk about skate harrasment. We
can't even be safe in our little spot of
the woods. While on a skate trip to
7-11 we were bothered by a couple
of rent-a-cops (security guards). After
loading up on junk-food we went out
and sat down to skarf when the cop
comes up and says, "Are you through
doing what you were doing?" So we
say, "We're just sitting here talking...."
This skate-hating, redneck, night-stick
justice rent-a-cop says, 'No you're
not, you're leaving..." Then he makes
a motion toward his night-stick skater-
beater like he was making a threat.
We couldn't believe it, this pig' was
acting like we were planning mass-
murder. So we left without a struggle
but gave him our unlicensed birds.
Couple of Hardcore
Hicksville SKBERZ
SUEDO JUSTICE
My folks are out of town so I just
had wine and vodka with my TV din-
ner. A friend came by on his bike and
we smoked a silly cigarette. I found
my copy of the new THRASHER and
read Mail Drop. Now I'm trying to
use my dad's word processor to lay
down this letter. About the dude who
had his boards destroyed by cars:
My dad is a lawyer and I know what
I'm talking about. Forget the board.
Get the license plate of the guy that
wrecked your board and write to the
Department of Motor Vehicles in
whatever state you're in. Get his
name then go down to the court-
house and file suit against him. But
before you do that call him up and
tell him unless he pays for another
board just like the one you had you
will sue him. You see, he is supposed
to stop for you. If you were on that
board when he hit it he would be
guilty of manslaughter. He was driv-
ing recklessly, that's why he killed
the board. Tell him to take it up with
his insurance company. Don't let him
get out of buying a new board for
you. You can sue him and his insur-
ance company in small claims court
and he has to pay all the cost. You'll
win it. Don't let them kick your ass
around. Also, it's fun to make trouble
for assholes.
Billy Awesome
Apple, Macintosh
ST. LOUIS SPIRIT
The skate scene in St. Louis is
pretty weak. There are a dozen or so
hardcore skaters but way too many
Take" skaters. You know the type I'm
talking about. A guy asked me if I had
ever heard of "Pearl-Pallor" I think
he meant Powell Peralta. Back in
August of 1985, there was a "Summer
Beach Blast (in the midwest?) held
at Six Flags Amusement Park. There
was a killer half-pipe set up and
skaters, rollerskaters and BMX rip-
ped the ramp. The skaters were:
Christian Hosoi, Allen Losi and Bob
Schmelzer. Christian pulled off an
8 foot backside air in the highest air
contest. 1000+ people witnessed
some of the best skaters in the world,
and St. Louis got exposed to the best.
Bill Stinson
St. Louis, MO
YOU LOOK, MARVELOUS
I wanted to state how much I agree
with Todd Muskopf that "rad" should
not be said anymore. Skaters are
supposed to be creative and innova-
live. There are numerous other words
to replace rad, such as: splendid,
magnificent, wonderful, excellent, fab-
ulous, amazing...the list goes on.
Or, better yet, make up new words
and inject them into your vocabulary
KEEN SCENE IN REEN
Willy
Palo Alto
I'm writing to clue in all who don't
know about the SKEENO kids. Just a
bunch of kids in adult bodies who
could care less about what you look
like as long as you have fun. We have
lotsa ramps, ditches and a few good
bands. The latest band on the
SKEENO horizon is Informal and
these guys are cool. If you get at
chance to venture here...take it. One
more thing: we all started out the same
and we've gotta live together so why
not unite???
Skater, Just a Kid!
Reno, NV
UNDER-EDUCATED
EDUCATORS
There is a large body of skaters
who attend my school. My friends
and I decided to form a skate club
and see if the school would build
us a ramp. We passed around a
petition and kids signed it. We got
about 75 signatures, making it the
2nd largest club in the school. Wow.
we thought! I handed the petition in
with ramp plans and information ex-
plaining how the club would operate.
Our major concern was whether or
not the school would give up its
money to build a ramp. To our sur-
prize it was approved and the school
was willing to construct a ramp under
the condition that a teacher from
the school would have to supervise
us while we skated. No problem,
we thought, that will be a piece of
cake Boy were we wrong. Not one
fuckin' teacher wanted to supervise
"a bunch of kids horsing around
on skateboards." They would rather
spend their time watching "a real
sport, like football or soccer." I couldn't
believe my ears, what ignorance. I
talked to the co-ordinator of activities
about it. He said he wasn't surprized
since skateboarding "isn't thrilling
and isn't physically or mentally in-
tense. I tried to get the bastards
to change their minds by inviting
them to watch us skate a local ramp
in town, right down the street from one
teacher's house, but they "had better
things to do." What I really want to
know (and I'm afraid I already know
the answer): Is such ignorance con-
fined to N.J. or has this disease
spread around the country?
Bagel Boy
Chester, NJ
Ignorance hasn't spread at all. It's
always been everywhere. The only
boards those people know about
are the 2x4's lodged firmly up their
B-sides. At least you made some
progress. Tod
Skarfing
Material
Strange Chew Crew.
The rock, with a patient idleness common
to the rocks of this region, sat waiting. Wait-
ing to be kicked, ignored possibly stepped
over or maybe shit upon by a defecating
bird. This particular rock sometimes played
host to an occasional thin layer of rain-
water upon its eroded surface, only to have
it roll off or evaporate away with the even-
tual passing of times. Not that other rocks
in the vicinity weren't capable of the same
purpose, it's just that if rocks had per
sonalities, the initial rock mentioned above
would be on a level matched perhaps only
by someone like Grace Jones, leaving the
rest of the rocks at a McDonald's night man-
ager level of brilliance.
The rock that could possibly pass for a
Grace Jones type (if such things were pos-
sible) also frequently played host to a
lizard's love life's length of warm saturating
sunlight that, if the rock possessed a heart.
would surely have been warmed by this
activity that lasted no more than a portion
of a global revolution at a time. It was during
this sunlight time that the rock did the only
thing it could really do that was visually
noticeable besides perhaps rolling down a
hill or falling off a cliff...but, the chances
of something like that ever happening was
highly improbable because the rock resided
nowhere near any hills, or cliffs.
It could be assumed that a hill or cliff
would completely change this Grace Jones
styled rock's existance.
If faced with the situation, this rock could
probably careen through the air if hurled
by a very strong man, or perhaps by a good
healthy explosion. A series of explosions
could probably get this rock a jumpin
But until these sorts of events present
themselves, this rock merely casts a
shadow when it is confronted with the deep
warm sunlight. A handsome shadow it is
too, which is probably the only thing that
sets this rock apart from Grace Jones,
whereas her shadow is slender and
geometrical at times.
With Chef Boy-Am-I-Hungry
The shadow of the rock changes gradu-
ally with the coming of the seasons, and
with the overhead passing of the sun's
course. If this series of shadow activity
were spliced methodically together and
condensed it would appear that the rock
had commited one swift and agile move-
ment In reality the rock just sits, unmoving
with no way of knowing Grace Jones even
exists. It is everything else that moves
around it. So, there you go, the rock com-
mited to setting right where it is. On some
dirt.
If out of some hideous miracle of nature
the rock could feel, it for sure would've felt
the commotion above it as a shadow crept
across its weathered upturned surface,
until the object casting that looming shadow
plopped itself on top of the rock. The object
just happened to be some sort of a Vietnam
vet. Perhaps, if at this precise moment the
rock, for any number of reasons, sprouted
eyes and looked, it would've seen, as the
first thing it had ever seen in its non-living
form of existance, that the man sitting on
top was trying to write a bogus cooking
column. The rock would've seen that the
man couldn't write at the moment because
he kept thinking about a Johnny Carson
show he witnessed, where Johnny's special
guest, Shelly Winters, displayed her fat,
scraped-up shin to the T.V. cameras for the
world to see. For the life of this man he
couldn't figure out the implications of this
strange form of entertainment.
If the rock had a mind and could think,
it wouldn't of thought of watching Johnny
Carson in the first place. It would've prob-
ably been thinking about the material for
it's next album.
Let's pretend, just this once, that this rock
could sleep and that, right at this moment,
the rock fell into a deep sleep, content with
the load on its back, and dreamt. Instead
of a pleasant dream of a world-wide tour
Including Japan, China and a successful
sold out stint in Russia, the rock had a night-
mare that it was beside the road some
where near Santa Cruz, and got run over
by a black Mercedes Benz. This startled
the rock and was the last time it went to
sleep or dreamed ever again.
Meanwhile, the guy on top of the rock
began to scribble a recipe while alternately
looking at another rock, maybe thirty feet
away, and thinking that perhaps he
should've sat on that rock instead before
quickly dismissing it as he began his recipe
for a simple...
ROCKLESS OMELET
2 eggs
½ cup non-fat milk
1 tsp. minced garlic
cup diced tomatoes
1 cup diced onions
1 tsp. cayenne
1 tsp. black pepper
¼ cup chopped green onions
1/3 cup cottage cheese.
No rocks
Crack open the two eggs and toss them
two-unborn chickie embryos into a small
mixing bowl along with the milk, garlic,
cayene, black peppers and the chopped
green onions. Whip it up real good with a
fork, being careful not to look down there
because it's pretty bad looking.
OK, now you meit some butter in a
Teflon pan that you have sitting over a low
flame. Making sure the pan is well coated
with the butter, begin to slowly pour the egg
mixture into the pan's center, then, slowly
pouring the remainder in a circular motion
out towards the edges of the pan. Cover
the pan and allow to cook slowly, making
sure to check the flame, keeping it low. After
about 1-2 minutes, softly shake the egg
loose, so it is not attached to the pan and,
in a straight line, just off center of the egg
pancake looking deal, place the tomatoes
and onions, then top that with the cottage
cheese. Now here's the tricky part, with
your spatula and whatever else you can
find fold over one edge of the egg thing.
covering the ingredients. Turn off the flame
and cover the pan, letting it sit while you
get your cutlery and plates. Now you're
ready to start skarfing.
GUTLESS
The man closed his notebook, got up
and strode off towards the horizon in search
of a mailbox. What he had just written
wouldn't have been of any importance to
the rock, if in fact that there ever was any-
thing important to a rock. Food would be
meaningless to this rock because it had no
internal organs to do anything with the food.
The rock was gutless.
EPILOG
When you eat, sometimes you might
tend to slob out and get food on your new-
wave, day-glo, surf-lifestyle and (or worse)
paisley shirts. Well this could all end if you
were smart like me and wore your very own
SKARFING MATERIAL t-shirt when you
ate, and got food all over it (because that's
what it's for). Order yours now, don't delay!
Only $9.65 (shipping and handling in-
cluded). Send check or money order for
your SKARFING MATERIAL T-SHIRT to:
THRASHER MAGAZINE, P.O. Box
884570, San Francisco, CA 94188-4570
Show the rest of the rest of the world
evidence that you eat weird food.
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