Skarfing
Material
WITH CHEF-BOY-AM-1-HUNGRY
SOMEWHERE IN OR NEAR SPAIN
There was once a man who was known
to have said, "Some people don't and will
never drown their sorrows. They teach
them how to swim." When I heard that, I'd
wondered to myself. This guy has probably
survived some heavy shit in his life to be
saying something like that.
Europe is a mind blower. I've pulled off a
few odd jobs, am doing fine and have been
able to maneuver around this whole conti-
nent with relative ease. The food is bad.
Hard to find places that don't specialize in
'deep-fried only' cuisine. I've managed,
successfully, at maintaining a good vege-
table diet (ala midnight raids on a few back-
yard gardens), getting to know the several
different languages and the magnitude of
adrenalin boiling women, some of who are
enough to turn any man inside out.
One day, out of mild curiosity, I sat down
and began to think. Thinking is one thing I
normally do not do and I really don't recom-
mend it for anybody. But anyway, there I
was, sitting down to do a rare thing in my
nature and recollected on a point or two of
life in my younger days. The time I went to a
place called "The Reservoir" in Escondido,
and saw, for the first time, "Hot-dog"
skateboarding by the likes of Ty Page,
Marty Smith and assorted other hot locals.
Old style ripping it up. The loose-bearing
days, gone forever.
Another time me and my brother were
throwing dirt-clods at the windows of a
newly constructed retirement home com-
plex. When I ran over for a big clod and
hurled it indiscriminately into the air, it
landed a direct hit on top of my brother's
head. It was only a few months earlier that
I shaved off his eyebrows to see if it looked
o.k. enough for me to shave my own, which
I decided against
SNAP BACK GNARLER
Then I remembered last night. She was
only nineteen, a Danish fashion model who
spoke perfect English. We'd met in an ele-
gant city park, where I was practicing Tai-
chi and she queried as to, "what in the hell
I was doing? Well, one thing led to another
and when she found I knew how to cook,
she was beside herself. "Impossible!", she
thought, "that an American male could
make such a claim." The next thing I know,
I was in her hotel penthouse suite, power-
ing the best red wine I'd tasted in years and
whipping up a little dish I affectionately call,
DYSTOPIA CHICKEN
3 chicken breasts, halved and boned.
lb mushrooms, quartered
1 large clove of garlic, minced
2 tbap. butter
onion, chopped
tap. poultry seasoning
O.k., for this philantropists special meal,
you melt the butter in a skillet and add the
minced garlic. Brown the chicken and mus-
hrooms in this and add the remaining ingre-
dients. Cover it up. Turn down the heat and
simmer for 15 minutes, until the chicken is
tender, also being sure to stir occasionally
Serve this tasty combination with some of
your favorite rice and your lips will be drool-
ing with saliva as you raise the first forkfull
towards your mouth.
After that, I totally blew the lady-Dane
away with my famous...
LADY-KILLER PAN-FRIED OYSTERS
24 oz. freshly shucked oysters
2
eggs, beaten
2 tbap. milk
1 tap, sea salt
1 dash pepper
T½ cups dry bread crumbs
1½ cups flour
some lemon wedges
Drain them oysters. Combine the milk
with the eggs and seasonings, then grab
the crumbs and dump it in with the flour. Get
your oysters and twirl 'em around in the
crumb mixture. Flip 'em from here into the
egg mix, then back into the first mixture for
more crumbs. Fry these crumb covered
mucoused-out mollusks in hot natural
cooking oil, at moderate heat, til the critter
gets brown on one side. Delicately turn
over to brown the other side. Total cooking
time should be about 5 minutes. Drain on
some paper towels or something like it and
then serve with the lemon wedges. Goes
great with vintage champagne on a terrace,
at sundown, on a warm summer's evening
in an out of the way ancient city.
So I leave you this month, wondering
"what the hell?" And remember, if you don't
live your own life, someone else is gonna
do it for you.
HEY KIDS, A SPECIAL OFFER
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WITH CHEF-BOY-AM-I-HUNGRY T-SHIRT
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Stand proud and proclaim to the world
that you are one of the world, one who eats.
THE BURTON EXPERIENCE
HAM C
BAAT
ATS
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