JUAH DRAWER
A
featuring Polonius Reap
t first I was worried about the new look, but I realized it has
some benefits: It's a convenient solution to my shampoo
phobia. No more lice-related medical suspensions from school.
And people have stopped confusing me with down-and-out
late-'80s heartthrob reject Corey Feldman. Let your dome shine.
KERRY KING THING
The Headblade
Zima-fueled
sausage-fest
Kegger with
no cover
I haven't sported the chrome-dome since Lil' P replaced my shampoo with Nair.
But after a lighter fluid mishap left me with a bald patch, I decided to go for it
with the help of this finger-razor trinket. Chicks dig it cause I look like Rob Halford
from Judas Priest, before I found out he goes after male tail, that is. Make sure
to take this thing off though, or you might open your jugular by accident.
RICKETY RIDE
Boardrunner Racing Boards
Those goddamn scooters are everywhere, aren't they?
Some lucky schmucks have undoubtedly made a
pretty penny off those lame rigs. So, you can't blame
a guy for trying to come up with his own "rush ride"
to sell to brats and yuppies worldwide. However, this
guy may be on to something. If you're going to risk your life and plunge head-first
down hills riding on some sketchy wagon-
wheels anyway, this thing might as well be
marketed as a kamikaze dive-bomber
cart. Explosives on your back, detonator
on your helmet, and your worst enemies
at the bottom of a hill. All systems go.
Write Derek at 2151 Honey Dr. #99,
San Diego, CA, 92139.
After-hours b
with the Crü
WHO WANTS TO BE A KOOK?
HOW TO BE A
teenage
AIRE
How To Be A
Teenage
Millionaire
This book seemed lik
it was gonna be sick
Easy instructions for
making big bucks?
Forget about it, I'm
there! I was picturing
myself rolling down
the highway in a so
gold convertible
Corvette with snakeskin seats, blasting Van Halen
1984, Anna Nicole Smith in the passenger seat han
dling the stick shift (if you know what I mean), and
lighting up my bong for me with $100 bills. But then
remembered I don't know how to read. Fuck! Oh we
maybe it could work for you.
13
MIDWAY
www.midway.com
BRAINS
LESSONS LAMEST VIDEO TITLE EVER
SHREDDING REPISTON THE
GNAR GNAR RAD
Shredding Repis on the Gnar Gnar Rad
Back in high school, all I wanted was to kick ass
on drums. So, when I got this instructional drum
video with the guy from Primus, I was stoked. I was
hoping it would unlock the secret to the Tommy Lee
stick twirl, but all I got was a stick in the eye. I like
Primus but I still think the drummer from Def
Leppard could kick this guy's ass with one hand
tied behind his back.
E
3-IN-ONE
LUBE JOB
3-In-One Oil
This 3-In-One stuff came the same
day that Lil' P brought home a copy
Star Whores Episode 1: The Phantom
Penis perfect timing. We tested the
viscosity (in separate rooms, dude,
c'mon) and neither of us suffered from
thermal breakdown.
Destruction Derby Raw. Coming soon to a skyscraper near you.
The highly anticipated sequel is here at last. With even more of those metal-shredding flips, spins and
roof-crushing rolls we've all grown to love. One to four players can race, crush, and completely
annihilate 18 different cars, on 31 tracks. With frame-bending jumps, tunnels, crossovers, and all kinds
of glass-splintered routes, including one that ends kind of abruptly on the sidewalk-about 90 stories below.
OOTED
Animated Violence
PlayStation
PlayStation
DESTRUCTION
DERBYKA
42 THRASHER