#THATRACKS
Words and illustration by True 54
TOUGH BUSINESS DON'T HAVE
RAPPING CAN BE A TOW Glennium, it's obvious that stacking scilla is the one true goal of any self-respecting
rapper, and the tried and true way of gettin' money is to act like you already got money. We've compiled the folllowing
quiz to let you, the aspiring rapper, determine if you are getting jiggy with it and have a bright future in the industry or
if you'll be relegated to the ranks of backpackers who would rather be broke and have a whole lot of respect.
1. You make your money in:
A) The pimp game
B) The dope game
C) The rap game
D) I spent it all on PlayStation games
2. The only gear you wear is:
A) Versace
B) Polo
C) FUBU
D) These used to be my brother's drawers
3. Your favorite rapper is:
A) Puff Daddy
B) Trick Daddy
C) Daddy-O
D) My baby's daddy
4. You just made your first G slangin' them thangs. Do you:
A) Invest in the real estate market
B) Reinvest in the crack market
C) Buy some rims at the flea market
D) Get a crack-whore on Market Street
5. The first programmed number on your cell phone is:
A) The Wall Street Journal stock connection
B) My Colombian connection
C) My baby's momma's celly connection
D) Disconnected
6. Bitches ain't shit...:
A) But hos and tricks
B) But problems
C) Is an excuse for lack of game
D) Is an incorrect Ebonic grammatical construction
7. Your favorite magazine is:
A) Fortune
B) The Source
C) Thrasher
D) Martha Stewart Weddings
8. The medallion on your chain is:
A) A platinum dollar-sign flooded with diamonds
B) A white gold ruby-encrusted .45
C) A gold nameplate that says, "I wish you would"
D) A peace sign
9. Your watch:
A) Is an iced-down custom-made Rolex
B) Is an iced-down presidential Rolex
C) Is a $20 bootleg Rolex
D) Now belongs to my ex
10. You floss through the hood:
A) In a Bentley
B) In a 6-4 Impala
C) On a skateboard
D) On rollerblades
Figuring your score:
For every question you answered with A, give yourself 187 points; for B, 40 points;
C, 9 points; and if your sorry ass answered D, you don't get any points.
1,870-1,800 points: Your jiggitude is off the heezy. You are obviously both shot-
callin' and big ballin'.
1,799-1,000 points: You are well on your way to a degree in jiggynometry.
999-100 points: You show some promise, but try renting Bill Bellamy's How To Be
A Player 10 or 20 more times.
99-11 points: Have you even been watching Rap City? Get at me dog, you need a tutor.
10-0 points: Player-hater.
PRIORITY FREIGHT
146 THRASHER
Big L The Big Picture
Part of the tragedy when an artist dies is that
people all of a sudden have a lot more interest in
them and they can't put out any new material to
meet the demand. Unforunately, this is the
major problem with The Big Picture, Big L's sec-
ond and final album. Much of it is old and pre-
viously released material, so it ends up being
more of a best-of album than a new one. And
since Big L's body of work wasn't that extensive,
it comes up short of really representing the
incredible lyricist that Big L was.
KERADO
Kool Keith Matthew
Maybe you can have too much of a good thing. I used
to be one of the world's biggest Kool Keith fans, back
when a new verse from the Rhythm X was as rare as a
Rakim guest appearance. But, in these PO (Post
Octagon) days, Keith Thorton drops songs like Ol'
"MAN THEW Dirty Bastard is droppin' babies, and the quality is suf-
fering. Don't get me wrong, Matthew has a couple clas-
sic Kool Keith moments, and it's better than Dr. Doom,
but he needs to hook up with someone like Automator
again to help him wade through the muddle of
mediocre beats that plague his solo projects.
www.loudrocks.com
LOUD
ROCKS
KOLOUDO
Tom noreli
Chad Smith
Sevendust
Everlast
Sick of it All
Mobb Deep
Wu Tang Clan
in stores everywhere
september 5th 2000
Xzibit. Tha Alkaholiks
Incubus
Sugar Ray
Big Pun Shooty Groove
PARENTAL
ADVISORY
EXPLICIT CONTENT
•
Static featuring the ultimate in rock/hip hop collaborations from
System Of A Down Dead PWu-Tang Clan Ozzy Osbourne Static-X •
Ozzy
Osbourne Tony to Incubus Mobb Deep ⚫ Tony Iommi MOP
Grunge is Dear
Sevendust Sugar Ray Xzibit System of a
Down Everlast Dead Prez Sick of it All⚫ Big
Pun Endo
LOUDI
ROCKS
Endo
Cinch
ead
Butch Vig) MOp
Crazy Tow
Tom Morello & Chail Smith Crazy
Town Grunge is Dead Butch Vig) Tha
Alkaholiks Shootyz Groove and more...