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Left to right: Columbus buddies got a bonus raw
street demo when Bork nollied to 50-50 right by the
shop. Steffan Attardo divebombs a big rail backside
180 in the Twin Cities.
anthem "Check My Wang." "Check my
wang!" we were calling out for several days
after. It became one of those catch phrases
that gets funnier and funnier to those who
lived it and undoubtedly more and more
annoying to most everyone else. "Check
my wang!"
That was another van byproduct: the
phenomenon of the inside joke. The
close quarters and nonstop contact with
each other breeds this sort of thing. It's
not unlike the marching songs GIs sing
or sci-fi fans rattling off Monty Python
lines really annoying but strangely
addictive shit. Another one was the
Dukes of Hazzard theme song, which Ron.
was especially adept at singing, particu-
larly the climactic "making their
wayyyyyyy" line. Boy, was it a hoot. I
guess you had to be there.
Chicagoland was the next destination,
with a stop by First Gear skate shop
(whose logo includes a martini glass) and a
visit to what was possibly the worst
skatepark in the continental US. The sides
of the handrail were carpeted (sweet for
tailslides) and the surface was so slick that
the team briefly amused themselves by
noseblunt sliding across the entire mini-
ramp flatbottom-not the edge of the flat-
bottom, just across the actual surface. Ron.
saved the day with some stylish inverts on
the mini, and Stacy tailslid one of the four-
foot-tall retaining walls. Attention
skatepark builders: Thrasher offers both a
written and a video guide to building skate-
board ramps. It's pretty accurate and costs
about 10 bucks.
The next day was the scene of one of
the worst van meltdowns of the entire
tour. That is another feature of any
extended demo tour-the meltdown, also.
known as torquing. We all did it, and it's
really nothing to be ashamed of. I'll start
with mine.
At the demo at the worst skatepark in
the continental US (the one just men-
tioned), I got so pissed that my slave flash
wouldn't work properly that I smashed it
on the ground. It broke into tons of pieces
and the flash implement popped out and
was hanging there like a gouged-out eye-
ball. I also punched myself in the head. I
did all of this in plain view of nearly 100
children as well as the Santa Cruz team. I
was immediately embarrassed, but the
kids seemed to get a kick out of it and
there was even some cheering. Looking
back, I believe the root of the problem was
strongly linked to van insanity.
The others torqued out as well, plenty of
times. Young Ryan would mostly just
punch the ceiling, which he did about 300
"hanging there like a gouged-out eyeball"
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