JUNK DRAWER
featuring Polonius Reap The P-man recently had a
brain aneurysm. Apparently sitting six inches from
the TV trying to make out the scrambled soft-core
porn on channel 176 can mess you up good.
He's better now and ready to do his thing...
THE NAME SAYS IT ALL
420 board
Algebra
-Shop Class
- Sex Ed
I'm always down to blaze a doobie, but dude, these dudes smoked one too
many fatties when they designed this board. It's got a weird bevel on the bottom,
but I know I can sell them up on Haight Street in a minute.
FIRM
cbillabong
FUTILE FEATURES
Customatix shoes
STRATEGIC STICKER PLACEMENT
You can order these any way you want them. I went for the star-spangled
sole. It's a good idea. Mine didn't turn out so great, but it's probably my fault
cause I was loopy from auto-erotic asphyxiation when I phoned 'em in.
Speed Punks
Pro-Tec helmets
I wish I had one of these a couple months ago when I reviewed that
Mountain board. They're good helmets, but the whole pro model thing has
gotten out of control. The helmets are the all the same, except they come p
stickered with the sponsors of whichever pro's model it is. It took me all mo
ing to peel off the Clockwork stickers from Brian Patch's helmet so I could
make room for some 420 stickers. 420 bro.
SIMULATED PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
Ever since I got my license sus-
pended for driving while brain-
dead, I've been itching to get
behind the wheel. This game was
cool for that, but it's a little bit too
cutesy for me. I'll stick
to Twisted Metal.
PlayStation
FUN
SDEED
AUNKS
Perfect Dark
I was engrossed in the plot twists of an episode
of Baywatch the other day when a commercial for
this game snapped
me back to reality. It
looked sick-awe-
some graphics,
hella blood, and a
hot chick main char-
acter. But then when
I got it I was a little
disappointed. It was
too complicated;
PERFEI
DARKS
MATURE
Nintendo
maybe I coulda figured it out before my older
cousin turned me onto the wonders of mind-
altering substances, but nowadays forget it. I'll
just play Tempest and Pacman.
NOT ANY GOOD
Navigator trucks
I was ripping on these racks, making Jamie Thomas
look like a wuss, until I tried to grind something other than
metal, or tried to turn. These things suck. If it ain't broke
don't try to fix it. It's like my grandma: she chewed
Copenhagen her whole life, so why would she switch now,
just cause there's some new chaw on the block?
Grind Session
This game rips. It's like the best parts from the other two
skate games, and I got to be Pigpen for a day. I couldn't fi
ure out how to make him pro
jectile vomit, but I had him ri
ping the Burnside level. My
favorite character was Cardi
(obviously), but when nobody
else is around I like to play v
grindecoctions Daewon and get tech on the
NYC level.
ZERO
MUMFORD
CONSEQUENCE
PlayStation