Broken bone facilitator
Mountainboard
Dude, this thing is an accident waiting to happen. My
bros and I got wasted and they tried to kill me on a
gravel road by clipping one of the brake wires. Luckily I
was wearing my leather or I would've been hurtin' for
certain. It's cool but I'm psyched I got it for free, 'cause I
definitely couldn't afford to buy one. If I wanted to lay
down some cash to get hurt, I'd rather fight the bouncers
at a Motörhead show.
Uncensored PG-13 insanity
Frezno Smooth
First of all, I'm P.O.'d that I'm
not in this movie. Every other
extreme sports personality is in it,
so why not Polonius? Secondly,
I'm P.O.'d that there's no nudity in
the movie; it says uncensored
director's cut, but I've seen more
skin on an MTV Spring Break
special. On the other hand, for a
low-budget movie, it looks pretty
pro and it's actually funny. You
can never go wrong with gratu-
itous puking or a good dead ani-
mal joke. It's mostly motocross,
but there are plenty of scantily-
UNCENSORED DIRECTORS CUT
destinat to be a cult classi
moo
SETA ENSLAR DE TR
clad chicks, cop-bashing, and even a little bit
of skating tossed in for good measure.
40 THRASHER
Junk Drawer
featuring Polonious Reap
he J. Drawer broke Polonious to the world five
months ago and from there it snowballed. Offers
of a full-time roadie spot on the Ratt tour and a
possible sponsorship from Pabst Blue Ribbon were
dangled in front of him. Yet for what he lacks in
brain cells and personal hygiene, he makes up for in
loyalty. He's still down to rate our schwag.
"Steel Magnolias"
-
"Fast Times at
Ridgemont High"
"Porky's 3:
Polonious' Revenge"
Rapping music clothes
Triple 5 Soul Gear
The only time I usually change clothes is when my
Metallica t-shirt starts sticking to me and I have to
put on a Guns 'N' Roses one for a few weeks, so I
wasn't really too excited about having to try on some
hip-hop clothes. Luckily my younger brother, Lil' P,
is into rap, so I gave the stuff to him and he was
stoked. He said, "The pants are dope; they have ill
zippers on the legs that let air come in and keep
your legs cool." He also said the backpack with the detachable cell phone case and
jacket are "off the heazy" (whatever that means), but I guess they're cool for him. He
hid some weed in one of the pockets and it took Mom two days to look through all
the pockets before she could find it.
Foot covers for hesh lovers
Etnies gear
When I roll out of my cot at the crack of noon, I
like to throw on my cut-offs, light a butt out of the
ashtray, take a swig off whatever might be left on the
milk crate next to my bed, slip on my new Etnies
house shoes, and head to the store for some nutritious cup-
cakes and Mountain Dew. After refueling, I lace up my new Etnies
shit-kickers and it's off to the dump in Daly City to fill my pick-up
truck with the latest in outdated computer parts and discarded
gadgetry. As long as I put on the right shoes at the right time, my feet
GO BIG
AND
EAT IT.
Nestle
Butter
are as happy as a pig in shit; I haven't needed a tetanus shot in almost three weeks.
(That last case of lockjaw had me sippin' suds through a straw.)
God bless America and God bless the junkman.
BITE MY BUTTERFINGER!
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