TRANSPORTATION
Though a
Greyhound bus
is the ideal mode
to really get the
flavor of the
American west, a
crowded, poorly
ventilated mini-
van will suffice if a bus ticket is out of your
price range. Of utmost importance, aside
from a sound frame, engine, etc., is a func-
tioning air conditioning system. Ideally,
this system will have vents only in the
front, creating a caste system of comfort.
The driver and shotgun holder will need to
wear a parka, while those in the rear seat
(i.e. the Hot Box) will be in a constant state
of straining their necks to feel the wafts of
a cool breeze. Those sitting center will be
the only ones actually comfortable, as
their position mimics a temperate zone.
Your van should have only one functioning
cassette tape that should be a favorite of
one or two members of your party and
loathed by everyone else. All trash should
be crammed into any available crevice,
and a third of all beverages should be
spilled on the seats and/or floor. At not
time should a map be used, as they are
expensive and difficult to fold. When in
the van, every member should say exactly
what is on his/her mind at any time, espe-
cially pertaining to, but not limited to, the
driver's path, speed, mental capacity, or
overall leadership abilities.
By following these simple guide-
lines, you should have no problem
adapting to, and even embracing,
the majesty and magic that is the
American desert. It is said that,
once people visit the desert, they
sometimes hear the sand and cacti
calling out to them, gesturing
them back with their gritty and
poky, but overwhelmingly warm,
arms. Are the cacti calling you?
Left to right:
Big Mums blasts a big
frontside flipper on some
adobe playground
equipment. Trainwreck is
as Trainwreck does.
Alex "Trainwreck" Gall
barges a fakie ollie
down a fat Tucson stack.