FAMOUS MONSTERS
Man has. since his own inception. wondered what
exists beyond the outer limits. Often accounts are reported that tell of brief
encounters with the unknown. This is such a story: one of sexy glittery ghouls who go by the
names of Devil Doll. She-Zilla. and Vampire Girl. Earth people beware-we are being attacked by Famous Monsters!
There is a conspiracy theory that if you
play your record In The Night backwards.
there is a message that Famous Monsters
are not merely rock stars, but are here to
abduct male homosapiens and enslave
them in your native worlds. Is there any
truth to this?
Vampire Girl: No comment. I mean, if we told
you then we would have to kill you!
Devil Doll: Let's put it this way: there are many
other messages.
She-Zilla: There are many messages.
What is monster sex like?
SZ: What?!
DD: We do not discuss such things!
VG: Oh my goodness! Our monster socks are
black.
, red, and green.
Do you know if Captain Kirk contracted
pace blisters from that girl he met on
Alpha Centauri?
VG: I read about her.
DD: I heard that She-Zilla is not related to her.
SZ: Yeah, don't confuse me with her. It always.
happens and it's embarrassing, and people...oh,
my...I'm not entirely green. Just the good parts.
How was the show in New
Orleans with Quintron and
Miss Pussycat?
SZ: Incredible glamour. I
feel small when I'm in.
their presence because
they are so royal.
DD: And Miss Pussycat puts on a very scary
puppet show.
SZ: Yeah, it made me very afraid and it made.
me laugh.
VG: But it didn't make you afraid to laugh.
SZ: I was not afraid to laugh; you're right.
Who would win?
Blood drive: Bela Lugosi vs
Christopher Lee.
VG: Bela Lugosi.
In the ring: Boris Karloff vs Robert De Niro.
All: Boris Karloff!
Staring contest:
All: Oooh, a
VG: She-Zilla.
Vincent Price vs Peter Lorre.
That's a tough one.
DD: Peter Lorre.
Bass solo contest: Cliff Burton vs
Steve Harris.
DD: Cliff Burton.
Death match: King Kong vs Godzilla.
SZ: That one is obvious.
Monster truck air contest: Monster Patrol
vs The Gravedigger.
VG: Gravedigger.
Demolition derby: Leather
Tuscadero vs Famous
Monsters.
DD: Well, you know
the answer to that!
VG: Bring her on, and we'll have to
show you.
In the Falcon, Han Solo did the Kessle Run
in 12 parsecs. Do you think he could have
made it faster if he was on space coke?
VG: I don't think Han Solo would do something
like that. Maybe Luke Skywalker, but not Han.
DD: No.
SZ: The Millennium Falcon is a piece of junk.
We have our own individual spaceships but for
the tour it's better to carpool. We have a van-
shaped spaceship.
What can we puny earthlings look forward
to from Famous Monsters in the future?
DD: More glamour, more cocktails, more riffs..
VG: More parties.
SZ: More jokes. Hey, why don't cannibals.
eat clowns?
VG:
Why
She-Zilla?
SZ: Because they taste funny. If you went to
President Lincoln's fast food chain, where would
you sit?... The John Wilkes Booth.
DD: That's the scariest joke I've ever heard.
SZ: I know more about your planet
than you do.
So, my final question...why are
you girls looking at me like
that?...ahh...ahhhhh.
......aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!
James Jackson
ANTIHERO SKATEBOARDS
JOHN CARDIEL
ANTI
KATEBOARDS
HERO