the
he Four
T
WORds
Four Letter words
Letter Words hail from northern Orange County, but
don't hold that against them. Just let me introduce
'em here: We got six dudes who actually play and sing in
the band, and two more who kinda dance and/or loaf
around on stage. It's basically a party/freak show type
happening when and wherever they play. Sexual
Chocolate plays the drums (standing up sometimes), and
he's a hell of an '80s DJ if you got the right records. The
Kernal is the overseer/manager guy who doubles as one
of the singers and looks like a flamboyant used car sales-
man circa 1973. The other singer is AJ, and he reminds
me of a real pimped-out Fred Savage. Kid Kevin plays
guitar and so does Hole, while the bass is taken care of
by Jeff the future porn star. The extra guys are Roadie
Bob (AKA Squelch) and AJ's little brother. I don't know
what that kid's name is, but I call him the skater kid because the first
time I saw them play he was skating around on stage wearing full pads and a
helmet. Their 7", out on Discos de Los Bobbos Dobbos Records, is called We Put
the Cult Back Into Culture, and it is an all-out tribute to their mentor and god Bob
Dobbs, the mystical leader of the cult of the Subgenius. Lately, a couple of the
Words have been frequenting the late night parties at my house, so here's an
interview that was completed one night in the kitchen at about 2 AM.
Kid Kevin, I wanna hear that story about
how that chick left you.
KK: Her name was Pinko-I played two shows
and she broke up with me. She wanted to be a
pink; she wanted to be normal. I was just
Kevin...Kid Kevin.
OK, who's the roadie guy?
KK: Squelch is a sick man. He's my brother
and I love him; he is Roadie Bob Slayer-he
works out all the nooks and crannies of our
complicated equipment.
How is your equipment so complex?
KK: Well, we come from Planet X, you
see...Bob put us here on July 5th of 1997 and
we were given one year to spread the message
of f slack to the masses before Bob came back
down in '98. We have different equipment
because we're from Planet X. Squelch has made
some real breakthroughs in the adapter depart-
ment. Spinal Tap went to 11 on their amps, but
we go to 14...my eyes are heavy.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Who's Bob?
KK:
Bob is the master of slack. He is my
god-it's a religion. It started a while ago. It
started forever.
But who is this guy?
KK: Bob always has and will
always be.
would have thought about it, but fuck them. We
wrote a song about how we wanna take them on
in a steel cage, Jerry Springer style. We're all
about Iron Sheik old school wrestling. They say
that they would take us on in a drinking match
for the name-but we can't take someone in a
drinking match who wakes with a Guinness
every morning. It's just not fair. They said we are
just going to fade away, but the power of the
subgenius will prevail. Out with the old and bring
in the new.
How old
low old are those guys?
KK: I'll kick their asses. I don't care how old
they are.
Have you ever seen them play?
KK: No. I always hear them being compared to
Sham 69, but I heard 'em. Sounds like everything
on Fat-fuckin' BYO pussies. Put that in the
mag. Fuck BYO!
Hey, you got a song called "Skate and
Destroy" that you sing-do you pay
Caballero any royalties?
KK: It's not the same song, man. Caballero
has a 60x60 foot billboard in front of the new
skatepark in Orange-he doesn't need me or
my band.
"I'll kick their asses.
I don't care how old they are."
But is he alive? Is he a real guy?
KK: Don't question the faith. Here, have a
smoke. Of course he's a real guy-he got assas-
sinated by the conspiracy about ten years ago.
Fuckin' pinks! My ex-girlfriend wants to be a
pink. She's part of the conspiracy-let's go kill
her. First we're gonna melonball her-I've
always wanted t
I to gouge someone's eyes out.
Why not hers?
So what's up with that band from England
called the "Four Letter Word"? I read that
they wanna fight you guys over the name.
KK: Well, around the time our record was
being pressed, Ronflict (of Final Conflict) called
me up and told me that those guys wanted us to
change the name. But no one from the Four
Letter Word talked to us; and they knew how to
get in touch, so fuck that. If they called us I.
You guys seem to be drunk a lot of the
time-do you ever worry about your moms
finding out?
Sexual Chocolate: I got caught after a 12-
mile drunken cop chase, so my parents know
what's up.
KK: My mom thinks I don't drink.
C'mon, you're in a punk band. She's
gotta know.
KK: I just don't come home if I'm drunk, or I
pull it off.
What are some secrets-do you chew gum
or something?
KK: That or I'll roll around on the front lawn.
What does that do?
KK: I don't know...makes you smell like grass.
-Spidget
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