Marshall
Pipeline Skatepark 1985 As Chris Miller
hangs up on a big backside corner air and is
carted off on a gurney, Tony Hawk plays "She
Goes to Finos" during his runs, thereby intro-
ducing me to the funny punk rock music of the
Toy Dolls. It's a mighty good thing too, because
up to that point was nto bands like Def
Leppard (Yeah, I had a Brit flag muscle shirt -
so what?) and other lameness which we 12 year
olds seemed so prone to during the 1980s. Well,
the Toy Dolls are still up to their old high jinks
to this day, and when they bounced into
Hollywood a few weeks back, I managed to cor-
ner head honcho Olga and ask him some point-
less questions that my drunken neighbors
thought up the night before.
Hey Olga, do you really have asthma?
Aye, I've got this thing here. (shows me his inhaler)
How old are you guys?
Somewhere between 15 and 45.
What part of England y'all from?
The very north, like Scotland. Not as far north as
The Exploited The Exploited live in the next town.
Do they have Mexican food in England?
Not like they do here. There's only two or three
restaurants and they're all in London. We live
like 400 miles north so it's all frozen Mexican
things in the supermarket.
The first time you had a burrito, did you
unwrap it and eat it with a fork?
Aye.
That's weird. OK, up to this date, how many
albums have you guys done?
Probably about 14 or 15 includin' the live things.
What's the new one called?
One More Megabyte.
The Japanese really like you guys, don't they?
Aye, well, ya know, they're ten years behind and
102 THRASHER
THE TOU DOLLS
so... Yeah, it's a very female-oriented audience.
OK, going on with that female thing, do Japanese
groupies put out more than American groupies?
That's a very personal question, one which I
shall not answer.
Do they have Mexican food in Japan?
Ahh, in Japan, it's all Japanese food, and
McDonald's. That's it.
It's really expensive over there, isn't it?
The food's not. It's expensive to buy drinks and
buy houses and all that. It's ridiculous. You
couldn't live there. Our last bass guitar player
left two years ago to go live there.
Is he still there?
Aye, married a Japanese girl.
Do you guys dig football or soccer?
The other two, they love both. I don't watch.
anything.
What about rugby? What the fuck is that sport
all about?
I don't understand rugby at all. But it looks
better than anything because you get to use
both your hands and your feet. It's supposed to
be a real gentlemen's game, but just last week
in England one of the rugby players got his ear
bitten off.
Do you listen to rap music?
Nahh, not really. The only really rap thing I like
is the little bit in the middle of Aerosmith's thing...
"Walk This Way"?
Aye, I like that. But not anything else.
How about country western?
Aye, now and again I'll listen... Yeah, our music
is punk, folk and country all mixed together.
Do they have country western music in England?
Aye, but it's all American.
How about in Japan?
Bahh! Not at all.
Are groovediggers still not allowed at your shows?
Of course. We're playing the same music as we
were playing 20 years ago.
What the hell is a groovedigger?
It's from 1981-82 time, when everyone dug the
groove. You know, like Madonna says, "Get Into
the Groove" and all that kind of thing.
What do you guys have against Madonna? Did
she give you crabs or something?
We did do a show with her, but we didn't get
crabs from her. She was very obnoxious and just
like a star.
Is Gwen Stefani (No Doubt) a slag or what?
Nah. She's a very nice and respectable girl.
What bands do you guys listen to? Please don't
tell me No Doubt or Guttermouth.
Nah, none of that stuff. Mozart, Abba... things
like that. I never listen to any punk stuff because
we're playing it all the time. -Andy Harris
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