HER NAME WAS
COLOSSUS
Do you remember that very first time you went to an amuse-
ment park and went on your first giant slide ride, sitting on your
pop's lap on top of a burlap bag, and your heart started racing,
and your pulse quickened with internal excitement as you slid
over whoop-dee-doos 100 feet straight down to death, but you
didn't die from fear, you relished every moment of it and
couldn't wait to go again? It was this annual summer event when
your dad says, "Let's go to Magic Mountain. Hurry and get
ready!" And you're super-stoked and, of course, already had your
bag packed with goodies and stuff you'll need for your trip. Then
you get there, and you're going down the biggest roller coaster
ever, and you are scared shitless, but loving every minute of it,
and you're imagining-day dreamily, I might add-as you're drop-
ping down the first hill that you are riding the hugest wave in
Hawaii on the North
Shore at Sunset Beach,
and that this sensation is
the very thing you've
been looking forward to
your whole life... Then
you tell yourself to wake
up, it's all a dream, then
realize no, it's all too
true... Is it pure fantasy
or total nonsense?
Finders Keepers
lost another one, but gained one back, a right-hand kidney,
and so on and so forth... Suddenly, I'm by Miller Park (a huge
plunge square pool), and some kid tells me of some epic pool
that's supposed to be humongous. Right away I give him the
third degree about directions and such, then drive around for
about 30 minutes to no avail, thinking, "What the hell? Where
could this thing be?"
Then I inquire every source I know of and drive back out to
Fontucky a couple of days later. We plan to meet up with Rueler
at Miller Park, and he lags for 2 hours (the usual Rueler routine),
then as we're on our way to Pepper pool, making the weekly
Sunday rounds, we cruise by this house I've been driving by
all summer. I'm too lazy to check it out and jump the fence,
'cause it's baking, and the AC is on in my lil' utility vehicle, so
Nakama leaves the cold
behind and ventures
out into the blistering
heat, while Rubster,
Royce, Curtis, and
some other motley
assorted scumfucks
and I patiently await,
probably for nothing.
Then out comes Naki
from the backyard with
a shit-eating grin on his
face that meant, "Oh,
yeah..." Then he opens
Well, I told myself,
"This is no dream,"
when we found it. Pure
pirate treasure, it was..
The newspaper head-
lines read: "Historical
Find Significant." Or,
better yet: "An Old,
Ritualistic Cement Pond
Uncovered After 30 Years Has A Strange, Magnetic Pull On
Specially-Equipped Skateboards With Indy 169 mm Anodized.
Trucks." This was how I felt when I saw this monstrosity, this
thing, something so crazy and outta control, it's basically beyond
description; a bad B-movie, really, something they don't make
anymore and probably never will again; this pool, this behemoth
which we named Colossus because of its serious amusement
ride trannies (there's nothing like the roller coaster feeling a pool
provides) that really scares the piss out of you. It's like your body
saying, "Go-go-go," while your mind is saying, "No-no-no." It
truly is one-of-a-kind and deserves to be in the all-time pool hall
of fame just for the sheer size alone.
LEFT: Kale Sandridge goes big guns at
Fontana. Photo Malenfant. ABOVE: The clean-
up crew gets to work. Photo Burnett.
Kids In A Candy Store
I get back from the Warp Tour and the very first day go out
looking in Fontana for pools and discover to my surprise how
much things can change in one-and-a-half months time: the
flower shop is now history, thanks to the bulldozer, and we
my door, letting all the
precious frigid air out
into the menacing heat,
and says, "You won't
believe it." Upon hear-
ing this positive
remark, I turn off the
motor to the Nissan,
exit stage left, and walk/half-run to the backyard, which has a
huge hole in the fence that apparently meant "Come on in" in
skater terms. It was the deepest hole, ever. Well, not really, but
it was a whopping 13 to 14 feet for sure, no lie, you could fit a
tour bus in it. Anyway, we get our skates and break every
known pool rule in existence like a bunch of drunken idiots:
The neighbors see us go in, but we don't care (once we see
the pool).
Break the fifteen minute rule (we stay a long time) for first-
time pools.
Park right out front (a description of car and license plate is a
no-no!).
Barge right in without first scoping out the scene.
Make tons of noise.
Don't plan any escape routes.
And don't see the realtor guy who has a key and is in the house
when he sees us...
Actually, he sees Curtis first, who went out for a broom, but
66 THRASHER