'm not gonna go to sleep," says Abel.
"Why not?" asks John.
"Cause I'm afraid I won't wake up"
"How long has it been since you've slept?"
"I don't know, like two weeks or something"
"Jesus, man, that's serious. You could die."
"I know. That's why I'm scared. I dozed
off on Monday. It was just for a second,
then I was up again."
"Man, your eyes are bloodshot. Have
you eaten?"
"Yeah, I had some apple pie."
"That's all? God, man, you need meat and
veggies. You're all shivering. What's happening
with you?"
"Nothing much. I'm trying to lift my spir-
its, but it's hard 'cause, you know, my girl left
me and I just feel sad. And I've been getting
these strange thoughts like hell is where
lonely and sad people go. And I'm afraid
I'm gonna go to hell 'cause I'm sad and lone-
ly, and I miss my girl."
"Man, you're talking crazy. Let's go get you
some food. You'll feel better. We'll go skating
and have some fun."
"No, man, I'm cool here. I'm just resting"
"You're not gonna snap out of it. You need
to get moving. You gotta do something. How
about later? My girlfriend and some of her
friends and I are gonna see that movie Romeo
& Juliet. You wanna come?"
"No money."
hello. She smiles and is somewhat attracted to
his abrasiveness. John orders
Julie asks, "Abel, what will you have?"
"Same as him."
"But you didn't even hear what he ordered."
"I know. I don't care."
Julie starts to laugh. John does too. Abel is
not amused one bit. He is looking over at a
refrigerator filled with cold sodas."
"Do you got Pepsi?" Abel asks.
Julie, bothered by Abel's behavior, says,
"See for yourself."
John, fully aware of Abel's mindstate, says,
"Go on, Abel, get a drink. I'm paying for it."
Abel walks past a swinging door that says
"Employees Only" and grabs a cold can of
Coke. The two, John and Abel, are seated and
waiting for their sandwiches to be ready.
John asks Abel, "Where you living?"
"In the park by the China banks. Candy
kicked me out."
"She dumped you and kicked you out?"
"Yeah, and she won't talk to me."
"I'm trying to go back to my mom's, but my
stepdad's an ass."
That sucks!" Pause. "Well, come to the
movies with us. You'll have fun. That 17-year-
old actress, Claire Danes, is in it."
"Who's she?"
"She's supposed to be the next Meryl Streep
Julie interrupts with the two sandwiches
and sets them down real peaceful-like
John says, "Thanks."
over at Abel every so often to see what's
going on with him. He is asleep and at
peace. Julie leans over her friend Kim's chair
and tells John, "Hey, your friend's sleeping."
John whispers, "Let him sleep. He's all
bummed out his girlfriend dumped 'em."
Julie sits back in her seat. A funky look
comes over her face. She then leans her head
on Abel's shoulder, who is so out of it that he
does not take notice. She remains still for a
good two minutes and then begins to move
her head slowly, snuggling with him. Her
hands slowly begin to go to work on his
legs and thighs. Kim, John, and the other
couple, completely involved in the movie, do
not take notice. Abel, so sound asleep, also is
unaware of what is happening. Julie undoes
his pants and pulls out his dick. She slowly
strokes his cock with her hand, waiting for
it to become hard. When it gets semi-hard,
she puts her mouth down there and begins.
to suck. Only now Abel's eyes are open. He
jerks his whole body out of his seat in one
quick motion and screams out loud, "What
in the fuck do you think you're doing?!"
Four or twelve people in the movie theatre
turn their heads. Abel's pants are undone. He
buttons them and begins to try and walk out
of the theatre. Julie, pulling onto his shirt.
says, "I thought guys liked that kinda thing"
When Abel gets to where John is, he says.
angrily, "That bitch was trying to suck my
dick, man. What kinda shit is that? I was
"He fucking switch flip 5-0 grinded up the
Hubba ledge and popped out clean."
"Man, I'll pay for you. Don't be stupid."
"Alright, then. Will you spot me twenty?"
"I'll buy you food and pay for the movie.
but I'm not gonna give you twenty bucks to
blow on drugs."
"Man, I quit drugs. I'm off that shit. Look at
my board, the trucks are totally grinded. Look
at the nose and tail. I've been skating my ass
off. It's the only way to conquer my sadness."
"What board you riding? Let me see it."
The board is flipped over; you can barely
make out that it's an Ethan Fowler board. The
nose, tail, and center part are entirely scraped.
"Fuck, you weren't joking. That board is
thrashed. What tricks have you been doing?"
"Lipslides frontside and backside. And I
learned to pop up from a lipslide to tailslide.
I've tried it backside, but it's too hard."
"No way, that sounds cool. Let's see you try it
now, man."
"I'm too weak." Abel holds out his hand.
"Look how I'm shaking. I'm a wreck."
"Well, let's go get you something to eat."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
The two boys enter a sandwich shop off of
Market Street in San Francisco. John spots a
friend working behind the counter
"Hey, Julie, he calls out.
A hippyish looking girl with dreadlocks
turns her head.
"Hey, it's me, John-Kim's boyfriend."
At first Julle doesn't recognize him, but as
he moves closer, she does. "Oh, yeah, hi.
Aren't we supposed to be going to the
movies tonight, John?"
John, a little embarrassed 'cause she did not
immediately recognize him, calmly says,
"Yeah," followed by a short pause. "This is my
friend Abel. He's a rad skater
Abel tells John to fuck off and then tells Julie
40 Полная
Julie says, "Enjoy." She smiles at Abel.
Abel asks John. "Did she spit in my sand-
wich? What was that smile about?" "
"You're fucking paranoid. Like I always
remembered you to be."
The two swoosh down the sandwiches
John says. "Hey, man, you know that little
fucker, Lavar McBride?"
"Yeah."
finally getting some rest..."
John follows Abel outside of the theatre.
"Hey, Abel, man. I'm sorry, dude. I guess it's
my fault. I told her you were bummed 'cause
your girl Candy dumped you, and I guess she
took it the wrong way, man. Don't be mad."
Abel walks off
"What about your board? It's at my house."
Abel says from a good twelve feet away. "I'
"He fucking switch flip 5-0 grinded up the pick it up tomorrow."
Hubba ledge and popped out clean."
"No way, that defies gravity"
"The little dude got big and now he's
bad ass."
Abel says, "Fuck" in amazement and asks,
"How about his brother, did his knee ever
get better?"
Yeah, I think so. But I haven't seen
him around."
Julie peeks over from where she is preparing
sandwiches for some other customers. "Is
your friend coming with you to the movies?"
she asks
John turns his head. "Yeah, I'm making him."
I don't think so," replies Abel.
"Come on, you'll have fun."
Four or five hours later, John, his girlfriend
Kim, Julle, Abel, and one other couple are in
line waiting to buy tickets for Romeo & Juliet,
The line is long. Their group is up in front and
will be the first to enter. They are all seated in
the back of the theatre. Abel is in the far cor-
ner: Julie is seated next to him. The previews
are on, Abel's head is titled back, and he is doz-
ing off. When the film finally starts, Julie
nudges him.
"Hey," she says, "it's starting."
Abel flutters his hand for her to leave him
alone; he is finally comfortable enough to
catch up on some "zzz's, which he desperate
ly needs. The movie continues. Julie looks
He continues down the street with an upset
stride. Abel stops at a phone booth and dials a
collect call to his ex-old lady, Candy. The
operator is a machine, "Please say your name."
"Abel."
"Please wait while we verify if the call is
accepted. Sorry, your call was not accepted.
Do you wish to bill this call another way?
Abel smashes the zero button with his index
finger. An authentic operator comes on, "How
would you like to bill this call?"
Abel, deeply bothered, says, "Third party
billing and rattles off his mother's number.
"Is there someone there to verify?"
"Yes"
"Your name?"
"Abel."
"Okay, hold the line."
Abel is impatient, kicking the phone booth.
The operator comes back. "Okay, I'll con-
nect your call.
Two or three rings. Candy answers, "Hello"
"Candy?"
Candy abruptly says, "What?"
"Can I come up to sleep?"
Candy doesn't answer."
Abel says, "I won't try nothing. I promise. I'm
just tired; I haven't slept."
Candy, in a reasoning voice, says, "I told
you that we both need space from each other,
didn't I?"
"Yeah. But my mom's boyfriend's an ass-
hole. I can't stay there. I've been sleeping in
the park."
Short moment of silence.
Candy says, "I thought I told you not to call."
"I haven't called you in like two weeks. Come
on. Candy. It's cold here and it's getting foggy.
I'll wake up all wet."
"You can stay over on Friday night. I got too
much homework tonight, Abel.
"I'm just gonna sleep. How's that gonna both-
er your homework?"
"Not tonight," Candy says, trying to rea-
son with him.
Abel says a sad, "Okay I'll see you, then." He
hangs up
He walks a sad stride four blocks and stops in
SHOOT
ME
front of an apartment building. He rings the
buzzer. His friend Billy answers, "Weed head-
quarters. Billy"
"It's me, Abel."
"Come up"
Abel walks up the stairs instead of taking
the elevator. His walk is slow and drawn out.
He is as down as he can be. When he gets to
Billy's door, Billy is looking out and says,
"Fuck that elevator. Did it get stuck again?
That piece of shit."
"No. I'm just moping, It's like my voice must
just get on her nerves or something"
"You need to phase that shit..."
Abel looks around Billy's apartment.
There are shoes, shirts, pants, and towels
thrown around. Abel cracks a modest smile.
"Your place is looking nice."
"What? So I haven't cleaned in a while."
The two are silent.
"You can crash here if you need a place
to stay."
Abel laughs. "No, you couldn't pay me to
sleep here."
"Why you bagging on my place?"
Abel is still smiling, "I'm just joking"
"You better be."
Abel picks up a bullet shell from the floor
and looks at it closely. He examines it as
if the riddle to life itself were hidden
right there. "Hey," he asks Billy loudly,
"you still got that five chamber Smith
and Wesson?"
"The one you claim I stole from
you? Yeah, I got it."
Billy reaches beneath his cushioned
fold-up futon and pulls out the gun.
"Have you used it?"
"Only twice. Once up in Reno and
one night when I was drunk, I shot the
street sign from my bedroom window.
It fires straight, like a light beam."
"Let me see it."
Billy hands it to Abel carefully, who
says in a cocky voice, "Now you're not
getting it back" He checks to see if it's
got bullets and then puts the safety
switch on.
Billy, with a scared look, says,
"Give it to me, man."
Abel smiles and says, "No." He puts
the gun into his back pocket calmly
and smoothly as if it were a wallet.
Billy is now pissed mainly at himself
'cause he knows how Abel is. In his
mind he thinks, "Fuck, I should have
never let him hold it."
Abel gets up out of his seat. "I'm
gonna leave now."
Billy is afraid and scared. "Come on,
man, that's a five hundred dollar gun.
Don't keep it."
Abel turns his back on Billy and
opens the door to leave. Billy
contemplates rushing Abel,
but is too afraid.
cool, Billy."
Abel, while clos-
ing the door behind
himself, says, "Keep it
Billy, trying to gain some kind of respect for
himself, says, "Okay, I see how you wanna be."
Abel is now out on the street and walking
parallel to Billy's apartment building. He looks
up to Billy's window. Billy has a .22 rifle in one
hand and is struggling to open the window
with his other. Abel pauses and puts both
hands in the air. "Shoot me!" he screams out.
Billy points his gun, but does not have the
killing capability. He sets the gun down and
perches his whole body out the window. "You
"No, I walked up the steps."
"Come in," Billy says. "What's up, man? You fucker!" he yells.
look down."
"I am."
The two sit across from each other on mini
one-seat futons.
"Fucking Candy kicked me out," Abel
exclaims.
"Wasn't that like two months ago?" Billy asks.
"Yeah, but I miss her. I called her tonight and
she... Abel stops in mid-sentence.
"What's up, man? You want some 'erb?"
Billy suggests.
Abel laughs and continues on down the
street. His mood is now better. He feels invinci
ble, like even death wants no part of him. He
walks twelve blocks with a clean, even stride. In
his mind he is thinking about Candy. He heads
over to her apartment, which is across the
street from a liquor store. He paces around, try
ing to decide whether or not to go up and
knock on her door, He's happy and confused.
He decides to walk into the store. The clerk
watches him as he just stands still, looking from
inside the store up to her apartment. The clerk
asks. "Can I help you, sir?"
"No, I'm just looking up at my girlfriend's
apartment. She lives across the street. I'm try-
ing to see if she's home or not."
The clerk, confused, does not know how
to ask him to leave. Abel turns from looking
up at Candy's window and asks, "Can I use
your phone, sir?"
"I'm sorry," the clerk says, "the phone is not
for customer use."
Abel reaches into his back pocket and pulls.
out Billy's gun. He aims it at the clerk, who
immediately puts his hands up.
"Don't shoot me, please. I'll give you
the money."
"I don't want your fucking money. I want
you to pick up the phone and dial my girl-
friend's number."
The clerk reaches for the phone and waits for
Abel to give him the number.
Abel tells him the number, "It's 555-1212.
The clerk dials quickly
"Her name is Candy. Just tell her that if she
doesn't come down to the store to see me. I'm
gonna blow your head off."
The clerk is shaking nervously. Candy
answers on the third ring.
"Hello, is this Candy?" the clerk asks
"Yes, who is this?"
"I'm the shop owner across the street..."
Abel is smiling and quite amused at the
situation at hand.
"...your boyfriend is here at my store and he
has a gun."
Abel walks close to the clerk and reaches
for the phone while still pointing the gun at him.
"Give me the phone," Abel says to him. The
clerk hands Abel the phone.
"Hey, Candy, what's up?"
"Nothing, she says. "What was that all
about?"
"I'm in the liquor store across the street and
I'm gonna blow this fucker's head off if you
don't come down here."
"Abel, have you gone mad? Are you joking?"
"Look out your window and see for yourself."
Candy scuttles through her small apartment
with her cordless phone. "Abel!" she screams.
when she sees him with a gun aimed at the
man's head. "Don't shoot him. I'm gonna put
some pants on and be right down. Don't
shoot him, Abel. You'll go to jail."
Abel laughs, saying. "Like I care" He hands
the phone back to the clerk, who hangs it up.
and is still nervous as hell. Abel assures him,
"It's alright, man. I ain't gonna shoot you."
Candy enters the store a few seconds later.
She is wearing tight jeans. She looks nice.
She has no shoes on and is barefoot. Her
hair is dark red and super wavy. Her eyes are
a dark, hazel color and are opened wide. She
is surprised and also scared. "Put down the
gun, Ábel."
Abel lowers the gun to his side and begins
to walk over to Candy. By now the clerk has his
hand on his own gun and is aiming it directly at
Abel's back. Candy sees the clerk with the gun
and screams, "No!"**
The clerk fires two shots into Abel's back. He
falls. Candy crouches down and holds Abel.
"You're gonna be okay," she says.
A peaceful look comes over Abel's face.
He says in a soft voice, "I'm sorry I'm dying
this way."
Candy begins to cry. "Abel, you look so
beautiful... She looks up at the clerk with the
gun still in his hand. "Call an ambulance, you
fucking asshole!"
The clerks sets his gun on the counter and
picks up the phone. He begins to dial 911.
By Mark Gonzales
41