74
ANCE
VACANCY
Shane from Florida (above) gets up on a backside
wallride. Kale Sandridge (top) busts a fat slob off
a SoCal loveseat. In the nocturnal abyss of the
Lower East Side, Ricky Lee (right) smudges a K-grind.
looked like he belonged to the ape fam-
ily. I humbly apologized for my respec-
tive face.
"I'm sorry. I'll make sure you never
have to see it again."
With that, I tried to scoot around that
human mountain. Needless to say, I
didn't make it. A beefy hand slammed
down on my right shoulder. To be hon-
est, it has never been the same since.
"I'm not through with you nerd!" the
Crusher growled.
I looked up at the hairy arm at the
skull tattoo emblazoned on it.
"I said, I don't like your face. I think
I'll change it."
That's when I began to panic. I imag-
ined my funeral. It would have to be a
closed casket, of course, my face
being destroyed beyond recognition.
My mother would be hysterically weeping, my father
a hideous wreck. Fellow Gainesville High students would
come to pay their respects, most not knowing who I was.
"What was his name again?" someone would ask.
"Waldo," another would say.
There would be some general confusion.
"Who? I don't remember any Waldo."
I came back to reality when I felt the hot, sweaty
palms around my skinny neck. Crusher was beginning
his legendary ritual! Wanting to protect my head, my
hands flew up to cradle it from the expected blows. That's
when something strange happened. Without any warning, he
dropped me and let out a wounded animal howl. I watched.
as he began to dance around the hall in pain, clutching his
foot. A crowd had gathered around him, pointing and
laughing. That's when I realized I had dropped my skate-
board right on his big toe! Crusher's size sixteen foot was
in a cast for five months. It
was broken. And you know
what? He never bothered.
me or any other skinny
kid again.
Guys high-five me as
I saunter down the hall.
Girls clamor for my
attention. And
now I'm sailing
through life with
a smile. I guess
you can say I'm not
doing too badly, con-
sidering that my name
is still Waldo!
-Kim Thomas