The Last
Hell
Aide
What if they gave a war and nobody came? Well, I
did, and quite a few people showed up. The Last Hell
Ride came to pass on July 16th, 1994. There was only
one rule, and if you didn't abide by it, then you were
cut. That rule was: "Roll in, or get the fuck out." Some
had been up thinking about that drop for weeks while
others knew that if their time to die was now, so be it.
Roll-ins on vert are like going off curbs, only a lot faster. All you have to
do is make the commitment. However if you miss, there is a heavy price to
pay. The carnage started at 8 o'clock when Jesse Driggs said, "Let's get it
over with." I went first and Driggs followed with ten slams in a row. It was
fitting. Slowly but surely, the trogs showed and they put their money
VICTIM
where their
mouths were.
As it said on
the invite, "Don't bother coming if you ain't going to do it." Some zeros
tried the "I'm hurt" or "I don't have my deck" bullshit like Kit Erickson,
Chris Keefe and some lagging Jaks Barneys. They were all immediately
told to get the fuck on. It brings down the session if kooks don't go by the
rules. There were as many as 25 people on the ramp at once and it made
for one hell of a snakefest, but if you wanted to roll in, the ones that had
already done it were more than willing to watch you kill yourself trying.
Among the freaks that rode that night, I will always remember Andy Roy
who picked it clean and beat himself silly, Bob and Alex
from Brasil ripping in any language, Hurley taking a bell
ringer the size of Texas, Kevin Knight still trying after
being shelled by beer bottles, eventually dislocating his
shoulder and going home empty-handed, Max Schaaf
showing up late and paying due respect to the place
where he learned to ride, Kevin Thatcher at 36 years old
making the roll-in with style, John Cardiel's half-Cab
Indys, Lance Dawes pulling it first try, the head-on that
put Piston and me on the backburner, Noah Peacock
blasting big airs after dropping from the extension, Curtis
Hsiang and Royce Nelson flaunting East Bay power, Sean
An artist of incredible depth, Gluehead (left) loves to do the frontside grind stinkgrab
yank-a-roni's every chance he gets. Art Director/Music Editor Brian "Anything is Possible"
Brannon (above) was one of the few that risked dive-bombing off the extension. Kevin
"The Hitcher" Knight (below), contemplating existence in a makeshift sling. After being
laughed and yelled at for more than fifteen minutes, Hitcher's stairway to heaven (bot-
tom right) turned into the highway to hell. If you've read Thrasher for over ten years,
you may recall the old Walker ads with Joe Duong on the Exterminator getting ugly.
Well, Joe (below left) showed up and flopped serious Andrechts all over the ramp.
Young making it after a few tries and still wanting more,
Danny Sargent getting very lucky, Dom Callan sticking
the drop but not the other wall, Gluey pumping big front-
sides, Brian Brannon getting sketchy, Astorga flying no
pads up the E, Fish's handplant assault, and Eric J's alley-
oop nollie to tail backside revert. Zombies kept showing
up and paying the price until I shut it down at midnight
because my stomach was sore from laughing so hard.
The end result was a lot of burned skin, broken glass and
one of the best sessions ever. No-shows included Coco
Santiago, Shawn Martin and Roger Doyle. Bottom line:
Many are called and few are chosen.
-Jake Phelps
BOW
DOWN
AND
RAY
WA
Worried that the Widow Maker might not remember
him, Max Schoof (top) let the dying patient know that
he would always love her. The snake session (right)
was so bad that an ambulance had to be stationed out
in front to cart off the victims. Over the years, the run-
ning total of bodily damage reads something like this:
Stitches-79
Broken Bones-11
Strains-113
KO-27
Operations-8
SATAN
WILL