UNDER YOUR NAILS.
CAKED ON YOUR SKIN.
SOILING YOUR PEACE OF MIND.
The new album featuring
Them Bones, Rooster, and Would?
ALICE IN CHAINS
months ago, my board slipped mys-
teriously into the barren black orb of
the road, and barely missed by an
oncoming truck. Then, just last
week, I was skating my way under a
freeway overpass, I attempted a
backside noseslide, when a stream-
ing current of evil ripped my board
into the street. This time there
was only millimeters difference
between total board destruc-
tion and a safe get away.
One Cautious
Street Skater,
Westminster, CA
BOON DOCKER
I'm a skater with a prob-
lem. My parents want to
move to hick town. I'm totally
freaked. I've heard horror stories of
skaters getting the crap kicked out
of them just because they don't
chew dog shit, milk cows or
get at least 1,000 girls pregnant!
Skippy
Spokane (Valley), WA
Get a Lynyrd Skynyrd tape, a Jack
Daniels hat and a Guns N' Roses
t-shirt and you will be fine. T-ed.
DARN RIGHT
I left my homestead 'round 7:30
'cuz I knew I'd go slow and it would
take me a while. As I began my jour
ney my feet felt all fuzzy and car
bonated like they were going to burp
or something (a neat sensation, I
thought). I avoided all obstacles
such as dog doo and mail boxes
(both were extremely close encoun
ters), ran all the early-bird joggers
off the sidewalk and finally made it
to school drenched with sweat, a
swollen elbow, and a raspberry the
size of Texas on my hip. All through
Math class the only thing I could
think about was the sensation of
carbonated feet.
POGO HARSHLY
The other night my friend slept
over at my house, we were watching
The Doors until about two o'clock in
the morning. The Plan B video came
up with the slam session where
Danny Way jumped off his roof
onto his trampoline. I remem
bered one not too far away.
By this time it was two forty-
five and way past my cur-
few, so we snuck
out. After bounc-
ing on the trampo-
line for about an
hour, learning for-
ward and backward
flips, we started to do
some really lame tricks like
rocket airs and judo-hanas.
All of a sudden, I got rowdy
and bounced as high as I
could, squeezed my
legs together, extend-
ed my arms as far as I could, and
screamed at the top of my lungs.
"Christ air!" We stopped for a sec-
ond and no one seemed to notice so
we continued on with the ruckus. A
minute later, the owner of the house,
grey beard and all, snuck out to the
back without turning on the lights or
giving us any warning and grabbed
my friend. I stood there, dumb-
founded, not knowing whether to
help my friend or make a run for it.
Before I could make a decision, my
friend broke loose and we both ran
in different directions. I was attacked
by a dog and had to jump a barbed
wire fence. My friend was black-
mailed by a drunk to tell the whole
story. The cops found out but got
our names wrong. We didn't get in
any real trouble but we aren't going
to sneak out for a little while.
Sid
SOUTH PAW
Galveston, TX
Now taste your socks T-ed.
SPAGHETTI SAUCE
I'm commenting to you about your
April, 1992 article, "Meatballs Don't
Bounce." I am a mad scientist and I
have found a formula that makes
meatballs bounce. Here is my secret
Me
I'm a sixteen year-old female
skater and I'm drop dead gorgeous.
But one of my hips is half a foot
higher than the other and one breast
is a lot bigger than the other. It
wouldn't be so bad if they were on
opposite sides but since both my
bum breast and bad hip are on the
same side, I turn sharply to the left.
formula: 2 lbs. meatballs, 3 packs of Anytime I get on my skate, it's so
bad that I go in circles. Should I kill
myself?
lubed condoms, 1/2 lb. of elephant
dung, a pinch of oregano.
Your friend,
The Meatball Scientist
Lefty
No, just rotate your wheels. T-ed
AIRWALK
COLUMBIA
Produced by Dave Jenden and Alice in Chains Management Kelly Curt Susan Silver
Columbia Reg US Pat & Tm Of Marca Registrada 1992 Sony Music Entertainment Inc.
THRASHER
Damian Zuch. Ontario, Canada.
KON CHATMAN+SORRY SERIES LOW+SORRY SERIES IVIID
for stickers send a buck and a self-addressed stamped envelope to: airwalk, p.o. box 9000-227, carlsbad, ca 92018. photo:daniel harold sturt