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GENE GENIES (64) "Dr. Rosen, how do you know these children did not
develop their physical stature through physical means, as their parents had? If both
parents skateboard, is it not natural to push the child in that direction?"
The doctor responded. "Each child has a bone mass that is proportionately greater
than that of the parents. In comparison to other children, even Steven, their bone
mass is many times greater. Furthermore, the kind of stresses needed to produce
such mass would probably cripple an ordinary child because their developing bones
are much weaker."
"Dr. Rosen, if these are so superior why does their musculature appear normal for
a child in that age group?"
In a continued, controlled demeanor, Dr. Rosen replied. "Appear, my dear col-
league, is the key word. Their muscle fibers are longer, better designed for
endurance, Also, there is so little fat in the muscle tissue that it is almost imeneasur
able. Typically, skateboarders do not have tremendous bulk, rather they are slim and
sinewy They have greater flexibility and range of motion. Their balancer, of course, is
legendary. An example: Trisha, one-footed nose wheelie into a G-turn, then stop and
hold the one-footed wheelie."
Trisha performed the move as described, holding the stationary position for several
minutes. Dr. Rosen went on, "Larry, would you please go to the ramp? I would like
to see a high stalefish, then a backside 540"
Larry, like Trisha, performed flawlessly However, being a showman, he did a vari-
al 540 one-foot
"I can tell you are truly dumbfounded," said Dr. Rosen. "Two of these children
have siblings who are approximately five months old. Both already show signs of in-
creased bone mass and muscle tone. In fact, both are beginning to learn how to walk
on their own, without any outside interference.
"Skateboarders have always been cast as a bered apart by society: now genetics
has made them a breed apart. They are a genus that heralds a new stage in human
evolution. Their emerging presence is as important to mankind as the Neanderthal
was in the transition from ape to man."
So it came to pass, in 2016, that the word skateboarder was no longer a label, but
a description of a new life form on the planet Earth. Members of this genus were
called "Skatopian," and their athletic prowess also showed in other sports. Like all
skateboarders, Skatopians felt a special brotherhood towards one another, which led
in time to total world peace. The skateboard itself, little changed from the nineties,
replaced video games and to a certain extent TV, as the first choice for family enter
tainment.
SMOKESTACK LIGHTNING-laj Poten
I look out the window, as if my view is going to be any different. Fireballs are still
raining down in torrents. "Looks like I'll be spending another day skating the base-
ment. I speak out loud to myself. It feels good to hear a human voice, even if it is
my own. This firestorm has raged for almost a month now, and I'm starting to miss
human contact. It's impossible to hop on my board and ride to my friend's house
without ending up a pile of cinders. In fact, the temperature outside makes it impos
sible to do anything except stay inside. The phone lines are down, too, so I can't talk
to anybody that way. I spend kong, awkward hours trying to strike up conversations
with myself. It's not that easy-I'm not a very talkative person. At least I have plenty
of food.
I grab my skate and head downstairs. I can still hear the firestorm raging outside,
but it's hard to believe it could be going on while I stand here in my cool, windowless
basement. This is where I spend most of my time, cooped up inside my own personal
indoor semi-skatepark. My mini-ramp is about three feet high with a six-inch exten
sion. It takes up about half my basement floor space. It passes the time. I also have
parking block that I stole from the local Mi-T-Mart a few months ago. I set it on the
ramp or put it on the floor and do slappies. At least I'm not doing kickflips on the
living room carpet and being yelled at by my mom, like some of my friends are
ea
I slap a tape labeled Assorted Punk Stuff into the cheesy, hattered radio plugged
into the socket over the workbench. I look at the multitude of old skate junk spread
over the bench and around the radio, and I wonder if I could build anything out of it."
I drop in and try to think up some stupid new incredible technical tricks as I listen
to my tape for the four hundredth and thirty millionth time. I can still hear the rum-
bling outside. Every time I hit the coping. I imagine it's my trucks causing that harsh
destructive noise, not a screw-up by a few uncaring chemical companies.
I remind myself how fortunate I am to skate at all. There are lots of people who
don't even have a cement slab to play around on, let alone a spiffy mini in their base-
ment. Hell, there are people who never skate. They're the unfortunate ones.
Another slap-dink one-footed channel-dogger-to-revert. This is too easy. I miss the
challenge of a big vert ramp, a gnarly downhill nun, or somebody's backyard pool.
My own pool is right outside, a beautiful right kidney which, like everything else, is
built to take on the firestorms without disintegrating. It might as well be on the next
planet at this point, at least until this storm clears. This Cantin
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