Z
slick skin bottom
SKARFING MATERIAL
UNK
wered all the stoners"
Novas with a gooey
substance that resem-
bled Fred's beloved.
spicy nacho cheese.
This month's column
goes out to Fred, a trib-
ute to those meccas of
modern convience, the
sludge shacks. It is
widely agreed, that for
bad or maybe worse.
the skater breed does
most of its serious
shopping at these
speedy stores, drawn.
by their convenience,
familiarity and loiter po-
tential. Mini-marts stock
only the purest fast
food crap-and you
can nuke it right in the
store. Plus, they usually
have smooth parking.
lots, sidewalks, fire hy-
drants, painted curbs, handicap ramps
and well-stocked magazine racks.
NO LITE
Plump dogs, BALLAD OF FREDERICK BLECH
flesh burgers, There was nothing Fred liked better
cow pies, than a full-tilt munch fest at the local
cold crud and Quickee-Stink. He'd splurge down the
gut bombs are candy lane grabbing chocolate, gunk,
gook and gum, round the corner
not for the through the chips and corn puffs aisle
faint of heart and finally assault the assorted liquid
or light of refreshments, purchasing an unhealthy
stomach, but variety of sugar, water and freshly re-
skaters seem constituted fruit blood. As for the odd
to have no brew-ha-ha, Fred did not indulge. He
problem said it dulled his otherwise impeccable
with them, taste buds. He wanted to savor every.
lustration by subite nuance of the inorganic orange-
Kelly Reid. colored cheese-flavored nacho sludge
blanketed liberally over a crushed boat
of the year-old tortilla chips that he
loved so well.
It was bound to happen. All those
years of muck consumption took their
toll one day on poor Fred. The warning
signs had appeared long ago. Serious
volcanic acne activity, tooth rot and
brain softening had marred Fred's oth-
erwise youthful appearance. His wasn't
just a pizza face, it was more a meat-
lover's special with ricotta cheese.
Alas, after an exceptionally gluttonous
feast of sugar, preservatives, rotting an-
imal innards and expansive carbon
dioxide, Fred went for one too many big
spins in the parking lot. The quick and
jerky movements jostled the fumes and
gases inside Fred's stomach, causing
them to expand violently. The resulting
explosion killed Fred instantly and cov-
22 THRASHER MAGAZINE
The following formulas will yield
delectable delights containing only in-
gredients available from any retch-o-
rama. No kitchen utensils other than
plastic silverware and maybe a thirst
buster cup are needed.
Nuclear Chocolate Dog Balls
■1 box instant chocolate pudding
cups milk
2
1 package large marshmallows
Mix contents of pudding box with milk
in a cup. Put marshmallows in a sepa-
rate cup. Dip marshmallows in choco-
late pudding and eat. Guaranteed to
give you lots of energy in twenty min-
utes. Ed the Psychopath, Portland, OR.
Miniature Curbs or Kat Dingle
1 package Kit Kat bars
-powdered sugar
Separate Kit Kats and let them get
soft and sticky. Sprinkle till they are cov-
ered with sugar. Ta-dah! Miniature
curbs (they taste better than real ones.)
Thomas Schwake, Sulphur, OK
Mosh Mallows
-wax paper
peanut butter
-5 or 6 big marshmallows
Slap peanut butter onto wax paper.
Put marshmallows in the peanut butter
and throw into the microwave for a cou-
ple of minutes, or until the marshmal
lows explode. Take it out and mosh it
up. Erik King, Arvada, CO.
Reese's Sandwich
peanut butter
bread
chocolate frosting (canned)
Grab some bread and spread the
peanut butter. If a knife is unavailable
use a finger. Next, spread the chocolate
on another piece of bread. Stick the two
together and slam the whole thing in
your mouth. Nate Spillson, Monroe, MI.
Mash-O-Crash
-potato chips
-pretzels
-crackers
Doritos
Mash all ingredients, then chow
down. Robe Stag of Palm Coast, FL.
Pool Sleaze Stew
+4 graham crackers
-5 ginger snap cookies
1/4 tsp. cinnamon sugar
1 cup milk (2% is best)
green and yellow food coloring
almond extract
Break-up graham crackers and ginger
snaps into fourths and throw into a fairly
large bowl. Add cinnamon sugar and
milk. Then add four drops of green food
coloring and two drops of yellow food
coloring. Finally, add just a drop of al-
mond extract. Stir thoroughly and eat!
John Weiss, Herring Cove, AK.
Mellow Orange Tangwich
• 2 slices bread (white wo crust)
-Tang
.marshmallow fluff
-knife
-spoon
Slap a knifeful of marshmallow fluff on
one piece of bread, and cover the
marshmallow with Tang until you see
only orange. Put the other slab o' bread
on top and voila. Eat it with your mouth
or feed it to your cat and watch it make
trippin' faces. Allen Reilley, Mesa, AZ.
So. Cal. French Dip
lowfat cottage cheese
- 2 beef cold cuts
-Red Hots
• peanut butter, creamy
can of fruit cocktail
-2 slices wheat bread
Spread peanut butter on one slice of
bread and cheese on the other. Sprin-
kle Red Hots on the butter. Put the
dead cow on the cheese. Slap together.
Gnaw off the crust and stomp on the
bread with your bare feet until it's all
compact. Take the can of fruit cock,
toss out the fruit and use the juice for
dipping. Victor Hu, Tustin, CA.
RAIL SKINZ CENTER SKINZ TAIL SKINZ
UNPAINTED DECKS
BLANKS
kyle yanagimoto
Z-Roller
new hollow axle
Z Products, PO Box 5397, Santa Monica, CA 90405 (310) 476-4857