Dear Larry,
I would like to congratulate you on your recent ad making fun of me and my companies. It was very well
planned, timed and executed. How excited and proud you must feel after all these years of making
forgettable ads; you finally summoned up enough intelligence and wit to do a good one. I was also very
impressed by the way your ad imitated and mimicked ours. Beside the fact that those are both qualities that
I deeply admire, it's always a joy to watch someone follow in my footsteps. All in all, an excellent effort.
Of course your ad did contain a few inaccuracies, omissions and minor flaws that shouldn't go
uncorrected. Otherwise you might just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. And nobody
wants that to happen. So I've decided to help out with a little advice specifically designed for you and your
affiliate companies. This way we can all learn together. The kids can learn by watching; I can learn by
doing; and you can learn the hard way, by your mistakes. (Your progress can be easily monitored by
counting the number of Blockhead boards at your local shop on one hand).
LESSON 1: Never trick the kids (unless you can get away with it).
By the way the ad was written, it appears that some guy named Dave owns Blockhead. What you
neglected to tell everyone is that Blockhead is really owned by you, Larry Balma, and that Dave is merely
another employee paid to obey your every command. It was also never mentioned that you, Larry Balma,
also own Transworld Skateboard Magazine, Tracker Trucks, A-1 Meats, Skate Rags and Limpies (not to
mention a few that are out of business or have nothing to do with skateboarding, like House of Kasai or
Mammoth Mountain Bikes). But don't worry, I guess if you've tricked the kids this long there's no reason to
believe you can't keep getting away with it.
LESSON 2: Don't be a hypocrite.
Your ad also insinuated that starting companies and stealing team riders is bad. What I'm wondering is
why it's okay for you to own lots of companies, steal riders (Gonz, Klein,Chatman) for one of them
(Tracker), and then have the audacity to parade your new stolen truck team in the same issue in which you
chastise me for the same offense? It appears, Larry, that you learned the simple 16 step plan well before I
did.
LESSON 3: Always share your personal luxury Items.
The only thing worse than a company owner that loans his team riders race cars and love boats is a
greedy one that keeps them all for himself. Sound familiar?
LESSON 4: Never use play money.
Using play money can only mean one thing. Never provide such an obvious clue that you're tapped out.
The next time you want to appear wealthy, go to the bank and ask if they'll let you take your picture with
someone else's money. Otherwise try to get a laugh some other way; play money isn't funny, it's
embarrassing.
LESSON 5: If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones.
If that was the best you could do at making me look bad, next time get some help. There are many far
worse qualities I possess than those few you mentioned-- revenge, not being the least of them. (Oh, by the
way, sorry about Rick Howard.) If you thought you could save one of your piece of trash companies with a
single ad, think again. It takes time, money and originality.... all resources of which you are in short supply.
Otherwise your peons wouldn't be calling and begging me to run ads in your magazine. So next time you
need something to do, start by concentrating a little effort where it's needed most, like making trucks that
turn.
P.S. Have a nice day!
Your Friend,
Some howe
©STUSSY 1991-PHOTO-DAVID DOBSON
LeAve
MG ALONG
GET OFF
MY BONG...
GAUSO W
DOING NY
SUPERFLY
STUSSY GEAR
FOR THOSE
KING SIZE!!
OWN!!