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Send $1 for sticker and info to:
19803 Almaden Rd., San Jose, CA 95120
72 TRADER MAGAZINE
phone
phreakers
in lan
leather
mini-skirts
with tiger
stripe tops
eating
micro-
waveable
sausage
cheese
Zap-a-Pacs
to go.
Mustration
Reed.
QUICK STROKES
Gonzo journalism lives inside the swollen belly of The Great Red Shark.
The bi-monthly tabloid takes inspiration from the life and lifestyle of Dr. Hunter
S. Thompson, blending fact with fiction in mortuary and bait shop reviews.
columns by Dr. Thompson himself, the nationally-renown "Mr. Weepy comic
and the ever popular "Stain of the Week department. A four-issue subscrip
tion is available for five dollars from TG.RS, PO Box 54635. Omaha, NE
68154. Been wondering what's up in the hacker world since Operation Sun
Devil busted up your favorite pirate BBS and drove the computer eline further
underground? Itching for info on international drug research and develop-
ment? How about a detailed report on the latest cryonics conference or high
tech news ranging from virtual reality to ill-planned space stations? Well, jack
in to Steve Steinberg's new cyberpunk journal Intertek, $2.50 per issue to:
Intertek, 325 Elwood Beach #3, Goleta, CA 93117. Speaking of psychotropic
cyberchaotic, synaesthetic scramble-il you haven't seen a copy of Mondo
2000, your brain is under-cooked. Let's leave it at that. For more info, write to
Mando 2000, P.O. Box 10171, Berkeley, CA 94709-5171.
TALK DIRTY TO ME
by Kevin P. Simonson
What follows is the transcript
from an actual conversation with
Lynn, one of thousands of men
and women employed in the
phone sex industry.
Women's Recorded Voice: Hi
baby, get your access code ready
and I take your call live in just a
minute! I've been all alone waiting
to hear the sound of your voice
(At this point, "Sex" by Berlin
starts playing in the background)
Oh baby, this is so exciting!
A live woman's voice comes on
and takes my access number
Kevin: When I was younger, I
was doing belly fops on my par-
ans bed and somehow my sis-
fer's finger rammed into my open
eye, consequently I had to wear
an eye patch for a couple weeks.
Ever had a serious eye injury?
Lynn: No, I haven't
Kevin: Which of the following
would you rather consume: A)
potatoes: B) a Hilshire Cheddar
wurst Zap-a-Pac; or C) some
type of casserole?
Lynn: A Hilshire...
Kevin: Cheddarwurst.
Lynn: Never had one.
Kevin: It's a microwaveable
sausage or beef roll wrapped in a
pita-like shell. You'd rather have
Voice: I'm the one and only. that than potatoes?
Kevin: Is this the Dream Gal?
sweetheart
Kevin: What's your name?
Voice: Lynn
Kevin: What are you
Lynn: I'm wearing a
wearing?
tan leather mini-skirt
with a siger-stripe top that
goes with it. Do you want to
know what I look like?
Kevin: OK.
Lynn: I'm 55 and I have long
blonde hair that goes to my waist
I have a dark over-body tan and
I'm 38-24-34
Kevin: Do you think the 90s will
bring a recession, and if so, how
severe will it get?
Lynn: (Long pause) Hmmm. I
know there will be a recession
because of the oil crisis and all of
that. But as far as how severe, I
don't know. Plus with the war
and all that stuff and gas
prices. I don't know what gas
prices are there, but I put super-
unleaded in my car and It's a dol-
lar fifty a gallon. It used to be only
a dollar ten.
Kovin Do you do impressions?
Lynn: No I don't
Kevin: You don't do Brando or
anybody?
Lynn: (giggling) No.
UST
Lynn: Honey sweetheart, our
time is running out.
few
Kevin: Just let me ask you a
more questions
Lynn Ive got to go. Call back!
go through the whole pro-
cess again. I am thrilled to find
out that there is a new recorded
message waiting for me!
Real Human Voice: Hi sweet-
heart, this is Lynn, who is this?
Kevin: This is Kevin again. If
you had to compare your jugs to
an inanimate object, what do you
think it would be?
Lynn: Inanimate? As in not liv-
ing, right?
Kevin: Yes.
Lynn: Ummm. Hmmm. How
about the Twin Towers in New
York? Bye-bye.
I am now twenty dollars poorer
or twenty dollars wise depending
on how you look at it.
HSTREET
02673
H-Street Team Photo 1991
H-2neet Team Photo 1331
Up Front (L. to R.): Mike Carroll, J. Rogers.
Stuck In The Middle (L. to R.): Alf, Ocean, Marcus, Sal Barbier,
D. Way, M.T., Tony Mag.
Backs Up Against The Wall (L. to R.): Calvert, Charlie Thomas,
Bill Wiess.
This photo was taken at the recent ASR Trade Show. It is supposed to be a photo of the ENTIRE H-Team. It serves as another explicit example of the lack of organization
and professionalism under which H-Street operates. Below we have attempted to list our excuses for the absence of more than half of our team (in order of disappearance).
Matt Hensley Skating nearby. His car broke down 3 miles away from the Trade Show.
Tom Boyle Lost somewhere with Barker Barrett on a skate tour to California.
John Sonner Too busy trying to get a new clothing sponsor to make the team phote
Eddie Elguera Out being coal to more kids, and doing another troedema, while
spreading the name of the Lord.
Colby Carter Mysteriously disappeared 15 minutes before the team photo withLife Team
Riders: Reeves, Donger, and Sheffey, for some serious speed lines through
downtown S.D.
Chris Livingston Last seen with a tall blond girl in a Butt-Fless bikini by the Body Glove
Chad Vogt Didn't show 'cause he doesn't care about team photos, chicks, trade show
hype, etc... He's too busy skaring vert, street, mini romp, or anything else he
can get his hands on!
Jason Carney-Busy trying to talk "Buisness" with one of the Gotcha Swimsuit models!
Eric Kosten - Trying to talk to the same girl as Jason?
Mike Kopper-On a train (scored to y), in the Midwest, bound for Califomia to film his port
in the new H-Street Video Extravaganza "NEXT".
David Nielsen-Busy skating the Houston Ski Park with Dennis Martin, Denailson, & the
crew.
Tim Gavin. Couldn't get out of school, probably doing his homework somewhere in
Phoenix
Dave Ayotte & Tim Adame Ripping somewhere in Vegas.
Cookie-Head Jenkins Busy with his Manager Girlfriend? Is Cookie-Head the new Mache
Man Randy Savage?
Damien Carbajal in a heated discussion somewhere with P.E. boy Brian Le about
meat, concave, and the price of crude oil?
Dan Peterka !! where is Dan?