(gro-tesk')
tal: gross proms, v. Dinugated many
flagrant: gross injustice. 3. a. Coarse; vulgar. b. Offensive; disgusung
Lacking sensitivity or discernment; unrefined. d. Carnal; sensual. 4. a.
Overweight; corpulent. b. Dense; profuse.
gros-so (grös-OH) n. a. A basic unit of weight; b. jeff, also jeffrey. c. A
31" x 10.25" hunk of wood. 2. a. Air hog, outdated; b. worse than any
monkey; oily matter, see obsolete
gro-tesque (gro-tesk") adj. 1. Characterized by ludicrous or in congruous
distortion. 2. Outlandish; bizarre. 3. Of or designating the grotesque in art
puted in this style. 4. One that is grotesque.
OBSOLETE GROSSO.
With Chef Boy-Am-I-Hungry
After eight months my mind was made
up-I wasn't coming out. No way, no
how. My due date was in less than a
month and it was getting mighty cramped
in there, but I didn't care. It was warm,
meals were great and I didn't have to take
crap from anyone. All I did was float around,
listen to her or television and kick a bunch
when I got bored. It was a much better deal
than the clanging, banging chaos I often heard
outside. Then she freaked on me.
It started early one morning. She shot up in
bed so abruptly I almost ripped the cord as I
spun backwards. The sac frothed madly and
pulsed with adrenaline as she jerked around
the room, muttering, "The pantry. I have to
clean the pantry now. It must be right. It must
be perfect for my little pumpkin." Pumpkin?
She stumbled around in what had to be a
small area, causing me to rebound back
and forth off the walls of her belly. The
turbulence finally stopped and she
heaved a sigh. "There, clean and pro-
per for my babycake." She rubbed
the wall in front and sighed again.
"Wow, all that work has made me simply
ravenous." My little heart dropped. Pumpkin...
Babycake...she planned to eat me! I hunched
tighter in my fetal curl, determined never to
leave the womb's safe haven. I felt her giggle-
sadist-and heard the refrigerator door open.
"Oh, I know it's crazy, but I want some.
PICKLES IN A PIG BLANKET
⚫ pickles ham
Gather as many pickles as you like. Wrap
each pickle in a piece of ham and skart. Dip
'em in peanut butter for extra thrille. Recipe sub-
mitted by Ken Meinhart of Okanogan, WA.
BUTTERED CRANIUM
1 large dill pickle per person
plenty of butter
lots of Parmesan cheese, grated
Cut your pickle from head to toe. Melt some
butter in a frying pan. Throw your pickle halves
in the pan and let them hummers fry for 1 to
2 minutes, according to how well you want 'em
done. When they've simmered, slap 'em on a
plate and pour the melted butter all over them.
Last but not least, drown this delight in
Parmesan cheese. Recipe submitted by David
L Jones Jr. of Fort Leonard Wood, MO
All right, I was wrong, she wasn't going to
eat me after all. She had consumed some
serious muck, however, and the swirling en-
zyme storm needed to digest her snacks was
making my fontanel throb. Metabolic migraine
and all, it was still better in the sac than out-
was sure of that.
Three weeks later the situation had gotten
worse. The combination of violent mood swings
(especially when Oprah was on), rigorous
chores (she had retiled the bathroom floor,
sewed five
Skarfing
Mate al
new dust ruffles for my crib
and laid wall-to-wall carpet in the
whole upstairs, to name a few) and bizarre
eating habits (potato pizza, peanut omelets) was
running my sensitive pre-natal disposition
ragged. Then came the final straw. After a par-
ticularly strenuous day of vacuuming and grout
cleaning, she cooked up a huge batch of
GUMBO FROM HELL
• 1 white onion
1 bunch green onions
1 package smoked beef sausage
1 jar spaghetti sauce
.5 cups frozen or fresh okra
2 tsp each fresh crushed garlic or garlic
powder, seasoning salt. Cajun seasoning
1 tsp cayenne
¼ cup vegetable oil
2 cups uncooked rice
Cut both kinds of onion up into little pieces
(it looks like a lot but it is essential to the recipe).
Cut the sausage up into discs. Put the veggie
oil in the bottom of a large pot, stoke the flame
to medium, huck in the onions and sausage and
cook till the beef is brown and the yons are clear.
Add the sketti sauce, then the okra winphrey,
then all that fine seasonin'. Let this goo bubble
(stirring frequently) until the okra reaches melt-
in-your-mouth consistency. Meanwhile, cook
the rice according to the directions on the
package. When all this is done, you can either
dump all the rice into the pot and mix, or slop
individual rice portions into bowls then gum-
borize them heavily. You'll love it either way.
Recipe submitted by Greg Lashay of Wichita, KS
Well, enough was enough. All had I wanted
was a warm place to sleep and some nice, mild,
soft, bland.
nourishment, but she had to
force garbage through our system on a
regular basis. A fetus can only endure so much
till he reaches the breaking point, and, finally,
I did just that. Quivering with anger and fear,
I thrust my fist through her water sac and began
to weasel my way out. The pain was incredi-
ble, ten times worse than LaMaz class, but
somehow I made it. Although the rest is history.
that's yet to be written, I know one thing for sure:
No one tortures me and gets away with it that
easily. After all the tumult and turmoil they've
put me through for the past nine months, I'm
going to make sure neither one of them sleeps
for the next nine. Of course I'll need lots of
energy to keep them busy, so I'd better start
feeding. Hey, wait a second, this milk tastes
grass. I think she's been eating
ROOF TILES
1 package Saltine crackers
1 jar crunchy peanut butter
brown sugar
First, spread the pea butt on the crackers.
Sprinkle some brown sugar on those babies
and you're all set. Recip submitted by Chris
Haskell and Mike Neault of Augusta, ME
DAPPER SERVICE
No fashion pablum here folks, this is a for-
mula for success. Pamper yourself in a genuine
Festival Of Muck T-Shirt. Simply send $13.45
to MUCK T, C/O THRASHER Magazine, P.O.
Box 884570, San Francisco, CA 94188-4570.