TRASH
'69 SKANKMOBILE. Runs good
and irates moms, eternally con-
verible. Listen to her 429 purr. Call
544-6230. Hey, chicks dig it. Just
a mere $200.
A15WR
UPTIGHT DEPT.
Why was ACP Keith Cochrane sighted
sporting the skin-tight leisure sack look? Was
it a reaction to being (as rumored) manager
of some odd segment of the Dogtown Team?
Or is Keith trying for a new street career
following his brutal slot car defeat at the
hands of one Sargent Carter? Yes, slot fans
(or, gazing at the accompanying photo, is it
slut fans?), the site of the long-anticipated
Above: As featured in
San Luis Obispo's Photo
Ad mag, Gary Wood and
Brendan MacNamara's
custom boat is still for
sale. Right: Pet of the
month, A.C.P. Below: A
fiendish Providence,
RI, hit-up. Below
Right: Promo poster
for a battle royale.
skate truck moguls race-off was in a multi-
room course held in an unnamed Long
Beach, California hotel. Sargent Chris of
Tracker fame handily defeated the pack in
this spirited grudge match. Course Marshall
Joe Bowers was forced to avert his eyes from
this fiasco at one point. Even such battle-
hardened veterans as Fausto Vitello left the
contest (presumably in disgust). Did Shuf
skaters Bruno and Rodney dare challenge
the H-Street hierarchy to slot to the def? Did
Cochrane's defeat lead to a rumored take-
over of Team Venture by Schultes? Did
observer C. Morton cut a new pair of pants
out of the hotel curtains? Did Danny Way
race Tracy Conera through the slot curves?
Have disgruntled magnates at the infamous
Ermico think tank diplomatically suggested
a new sporting race in something more
manly like a go-kart? Will Tracker Larry then
raise the stakes and bust out the M-6 BMW?
More vicious competitive frenzy? Follow-
ing the wedding ceremony of skate lensman
J. Grant Brittain, was there not a blood sport
match featuring ping-pong ballsy Jim Gray,
who in short order blew off Morto, O, Ridge
and dozens of others before he honed in on
his final victim. Strange but true, Mr. Gray,
serving twenty feet behind the net, competed
brutally against his lovely wife Michelle in
the hardest match anyone recalled seeing.
Many, including GSD, Gator, Chris Miller,
Balma, etc., wisely departed with their pong
honor unsoiled. The question is, how long
will it be before Blockhead wheel guru Gray
challenges certain notorious wheel men?
RUMORS
Are Christian and Pops Hosoi consider-
ing even more elaborate camouflage.
techniques for their current mega-ramp? A:
present the pair has managed to conceal the
ramp from public scrutiny even though it's
in the former backyard of a very famous
movie star which just happens to sit above
the most famous public street in Los
Is Chris Borst, a man well known for
radical diplomacy, now rumored to be
H-Street's am team manager?
Has a certain minor manu been accused
by some major manus of providing girlfriends
to team riders in order to control their minds?
Is the minor manu actually advised by some
ex-spy type desert oasis wench who claims
she used to listen to Russian submarine
radio transmissions?
Does the smear campaign attempted
against ever-so-innocent Rich Metiver ring
any bells? Are rumors circulating that the
jagged slurs alleged in this moronic column
pertaining to paranoia were indeed planted
by certain power-hungry manus? Or did in-
house advertising geniuses set Metiver up
by creating "your talk may kill your com-
pany" posters? Are there rumors to the effect
that, in an infamous Team Flow Note, Metiver
has denounced the poster as "lame"?
Will the Venice Pavilion, home turf to a
multitide of all-time skate greats, in addition
Bale of the Dons Bale of
BALMA BALMA
VITELLO VITELLO
Balle of the Dons Battle of the Dons
BALMA BALMA
WHERE THE ELITE MEET THE STREET"
CLUB
CRETE
POWELL PERALTA
to being a
heavily-used community
resource, be torn down and replaced with a
concrete stage? Will this new stage be the
site of the 1991 U.S. Olympic Festival roller
skating venue? Are certain Chamber of
Commerce-types actually interested in
displacing skaters who are considered public
nuisances and very bad for business?
Should Marjorie Alatorre, executive director
of the Chamber of Commerce in Venice be
singled out by concerned skate citizens for
protest calls and letters?
Is it true that a certain world-class ramp.
is in jeopardy because an uninvited person
tried to skate on their own, consequently
slammed, and is now suing the owner? Isn't
it also true that the owner was thousands of
miles away at the time of the incident? Are
we not responsible for our own actions? If
you elect to roll in, don't you
have to pay the price?
Was Blaize Blouin session-
ing in the Charleston Community Pool dur
ing Hurricane Hugo as rumored? Wasn't
Fudala out rolling in V-Beach during the
storm, claiming it was calm and sunny?
Was Dorsey spotted in a Munich holbrau
with a full-on harem as his entourage? Was
Falahee rumored to be an eyewitness to the
weirdness as were King GAP and KT?
MEDIA MANIPULATION
Anyone seen the ever-cute, always-cuddly
frequent flyer billboard put out by a large
medical insurance company? It features an
obviously cut-out squeaky-clean-type child
Clockwise from Below:
Ivan H. thrivin' in Chi-
Town. Club 'Crete
sheet. Two Tonys on
German telly Ente
but not effete
Peralta, Powell
and Novak.
actor flung far from his brand new Vision
Psycho Skate.
Other notable examples of national skate.
exploitation include Franco-American Sporty
O and Teddy-O's ads, and least but never last
(or long-lasting, we hope) is Kellog's recent
Tony Tiger on a skateboard print ads.
DOWNHILL TACTICS
When the going gets tough the tough get
rolling? Slalom? Beyond the veil of vile innu-
endo and into the realm of verified perform-
head, this time at Virginia Beach's Soap Box
ance? Yep, once again slalom rears its ugly
Derby raceway. Insiders have noted Henry
Hester quietly training again. Bob Skold-
berg was seen at the shores recently..
gyrating on a new Preisendorfer cue while
Lundo and Mellow Cat Ledterman looked
on? Rumor has it that John Hutson's first
words upon hearing the news were "How
much?" Did Michael Williams actually break
out a Quicksilver from the archives? Paradox-
ically, the insiders tout Steve Sherman as
a fast runner at V-Beach. Sherm's recent
Snake Ranch
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