ARB
Mixi MIS MIZITIC
Photo: SPIRG
SIMS
Skarfing
Material
with Chef-Boy-Am-i-Hungry
lay upon my earthen bed
My armor cold and cracked
A fortnight had hence passed away
Since e'er I last doth snacked
My stomach moaned and rumbled
Like a dragon in its cave
The Holy Guacamole was indeed
What I did crave
But oh alack alas a loss
Of faith was mine to keep
For as I did recall the past
I could not help but weep
You see in days of yore my life
Was but a summer stroll
The dearest dream of clotted cream
And scones till I was full
I filled my plate and ate and ate
Amidst the kingly court
Until the Eve of Cleavers came
And cut my repast short
It seems that in the royal kitchen
All was not at best
The cooks were agitated to
A state of great unrest
The king in all his wisdom
Rectified the situation
He beheaded the insurgents
With the tools of their vocation
And so revolt was quelled
But in the process we had lost
Our burger warmers and the men
Who kept the salads tossed
With all great chefs expired
And no culinary school
The royal feasts had been debased
To fights for lukewarm gruel
Belts were tightened jaws grew slack
Bread crusts became treasures
Our king gnawed on a chicken bone
Whilst planning drastic measures
And soon his call to action came
He needed one brave knight
To scour the land and satiate
The royal appetite
While in some kingdoms knights are sent
To seek a Holy Grail
Sacred burgers were the object
Of this grave travail
An ancient legend passed along
From centuries gone by
Told of blessed patties
Floating ready in the sky
One courageous soul would have to
Strike out in pursuit
Of the pickle onion
Catsup mustard covered loot
Since I am a knight who's sound
Of body and of mind
I volunteered to venture out
And see what I could find
Thus I wandered through the kingdom
Hungry but alert
Searching high and low each day
And sleeping on the dirt
By day fourteen as I did say
I lay in great malaise
Then my nose was tickled
By the scent of mayonnaise
I stood up tall and sniffed the breeze
Enchanted by the fragrance
My hunger pangs were now as strong
As those of twenty vagrants
And lo what sovereign sight did shake
My body with a thrill
The biggest beefy burger
Ever cooked on any grill
With yards of melted cheese and
Secret sauce to fill a moat
This bounty must have weighed a ton
And yet it seemed to float
Cloaked in steam and dripping juice
The snack began to talk
It said "I'm here to serve you
And I'll follow where you walk"
As we travelled toward home
My heart was filled with bliss
I knew the royal stomach
Would soon gain what it had missed
Once we reached the castle.
I was greeted by great cheers
Such a valiant deed had not
Been done in many years
So ecstatic was the king
That he decreed a feast
He gave a speech and sung my praises
Loud to say the least
He offered me his gratitude
Then much to my surprise
Said "Take him to the gallows
He forgot to bring me fries."
HOLY COW!
We won't waste time with a basic burger
recipe. Here are some flourishes you can mix
with the meat that will turn a plain burger into
a regal feast: egg, onions, garlic, oregano,
BBQ sauce, bread crumbs, curry powder,
jalapeño and cayenne pepper, wheat germ.
oatmeal, bacon bits, cheese, chocolate
chips, zucchini, flour, clam juice, dirt...