Skater's Edge
ON WALKING AND PEDESTRIANS
As a skater, I have this aversion to walking
and pedestrians. Walking is a slow, tedious
process in which your destination looms
ahead of you long before you reach it. You
plod on one step at a time when, Lord knows,
you could have been there fifteen minutes
ago if you skated or ran. Walking is for lazy
people, crazy people and people under three
or over sixty. That probably includes 85% of
our population in one way or another.
Little kids have the right idea; they run
everywhere. Down the hall to the kitchen, out
the front door to the mailbox... rarely do you
see someone under ten years old walking,
unless they are accompanied by adults who
constantly scream, "Don't run!"
At an early age we are brainwashed to
believe it is uncivilized to migrate swiftly from
one location to another. I can remember
being seriously agitated as my mother grip-
ped my hand firmly, forcing me to walk from
the parked car to the grocery store door. Why
walk when you can get there all the faster?
Perhaps if more adults would run with their
kids, there wouldn't be so many cellulitic
blobs out there spending a fortune at the spa.
Fortunately, I never listened to adults. Even
though I am now considered one myself,
walking is something I will save for my retire-
ment. Until then, I'll always run to the mailbox
and I can guarantee you'll never find a girdle
or support hose under this girl's dress.
I suppose there are times when you are
forced to walk, like when your relatives drag
you along on a tour or when you go to the
movies with non-skating friends. Still, your
skating instincts always manage to take over.
It is impossible to walk by a bench without
posing a sweeper or to eye a perfect marble
ledge without attempting the old "run and
leap" method air. Of course, your friends
then look at you as if you are insane and your
relatives are appalled at such a public
display. Naturally, they assume you are
merely spazzing out, when in reality you've
just landed a perfect aerial. Skaters will be
skaters, board (bored) or no board.
Injury is a sure fire method of imposing in-
voluntary pedestrianism on yourself. If you
can't skate, you probably can't walk either
(seeing as how most would rather skate in
pain than not skate at all). The sheer frustra-
tion of being "skate deprived" is twofold
when you can barely hobble across the street
22
by Bonnie Blouin
to the soda machine. This is when photo-
graphy skills come in handy; if you have them
you're not completely out of the picture.
Even worse, however, is when other people
make the pedestrian decision for you. Like
when Mom and Dad cluelessly think your,
grades will improve if they take your board
Pedestrians, with their
simple, clogged minds,
seem to assume that
we are frenzied
maniacs, completely
out of control. As we
know, this is almost
never the case.
away. Or when your teachers view your board
as a "toy and a distraction" rather than your
only means of transportation. Not to mention
policemen, who believe you are a traffic
hazard or an abuser of public property. Yes,
folks, the assault and battery of a painted
curb is pretty serious stuff.
Unfortunately, this type of action only leads
to rebellion. For in the heart of a true skater
walking is degrading and completely absurd
when one has mastered a much more ad-
vanced form of mobility. Indeed, we don't
tackle kindly to anti-skate indignation,
especially when imposed upon us by those
who are pedestrian bound for life.
And what pathetic, lowly creatures
pedestrians are eternally damned to walk
the beaten path like laboring ants trudging
single file to their dirt abodes. We skaters,
on the other hand, choose and create our
own paths, often using peds as obstacles,
much to their chagrin.
Pedestrians, with their simple, clogged
minds, seem to assume that we are frenzied
maniacs, completely out of control. As we
know, this is almost never the case. Naturally,
we've all "bapped and splattered" our fair
share of peds but, more often than not, it is
their own fault for floundering in their indeci-
sion. If they could only learn to act normally
when we thunder past them, instead of look-
ing terrified and darting back and forth, like
a squirrel in front of a car.
The stationary pedestrian can also present
many problems as they sit or stand in the
vicinity of the very obstacle you've just skated
a mile to shred. Politely asking them to move.
is about as effective as saying "open
sesame" to a door. Generally, they will step
about two feet to the left while you roll your
eyes and resign yourself to the obvious fate
that is bound to befall them.
You begin to skate and strangely enough
the stationary ped is completely oblivious to
your actions and entirely heedless of their
own predicament. Of course, we skaters
don't go around purposely bashing
pedestrians in the ankle with our "run away"
boards. But when it happens, even after
forewarning, these clueless souls suddenly
view you not as the harmless child you were
a moment ago but as a street ruffian and a
menace to society. Indeed, I often wonder
if the majority of people in this world lack
common sense.
Many times pedestrians will transform into
spectators. I believe most of us enjoy aston-
ishing the general public as long as their
presence does not interfere with our fun.
Most spectators tend to display a genuine
enthusiasm, respect and inquisitive attitude
toward our accomplishments, though their
questions can become a bit tiresome.
Undoubtedly, my views are biased. That's
okay, though, because I'm a skater and this
is my column. Pedestrians are on my "low
life list," along with cockroaches in my
kitchen...but I kill cockroaches and I only
graze pedestrians.
It is quite simple to cop such an attitude,
and I believe y'all will agree. As skaters we
are forced to deal with the general public in
a less than satisfying manner, usually
because they misunderstand what is going
down. Period. Therefore, the general public.
is destined to be forever maligned by the
tongues of skaters. A minority we may be,
but we will take no shit, for indeed, we have
the upper hand in the concrete jungle.
Time Out For En
PREVENT
TRAGEDY
Send check or money
order (U.S. Funds only) for
$2900
(plus $1.00
Name
(please prin
Address
City
Phone No
Ant. Encl
Age
State
LOGO
TRAGEDY
CHECK
VISA
MONEY ORDER OM.C
MINIMUM CREDIT CARD ORDER-$1000
for postage and handling) to:
THRASHER Magazine, Credit Card No.
P.O. Box 884570, San
Francisco, CA 94188-4570
ලිය
mom
Signature As It Appears On Card
CONVERSE
Chuck
LL STAR
ALL YOU NEED.
Exp. Date