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California Surf Style
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Skater's Edge
by Bonnie Blouin
Every month we receive dozens of letters
from kids asking how to cope with parents
who are less than obliging to their skating
needs. Some kids are heckled incessantly
while others jones to skate and are simply
not allowed because, as one skater
reiterated, "Honey, it's too dangerous."
Lack of parental support, in my opinion,
is a far worse crime than any restrictive
bounds placed on skaters by cops,
neighbors, etc. The real sorrow of this never-
ending saga is the amount of actual talent
that is clipped and expunged by parents who
refuse to acknowledge that skating is
anything more than "a phase" or an annoy-
ing activity. Parents' blatant refusal to
recognize the potential their son or daughter
displays, combined with their inability to
understand the amount of skill and expertise
skateboarding requires, is an unfortunate
hindrance to the progress of skateboarding.
MOM'S PERSPECTIVE
Mothers are usually the main "stick in the
mud" in a skater's household. This is likely
due to the fact that when Mom was a
teenager, skateboarding was a sprout, grow-
ing its first roots. Now, with her adult status
and infinite wisdom, the thought of rolling
down the street, much less popping an ollie
railslide onto a bench, is unfathomable.
Since mom never saw much skateboarding
in her younger, more flexible years, she may
have a difficult time realizing that all your
street planting, ollie popping, wall riding feats
are anything more than shin-bashing, knee-
jarring, bone-breaking antics.
In other words, when Mom peers through
the kitchen window to see you skating, she's
not going to think, "Johnny's doing indy nose
picks much better today," because her com-
prehension of any trick is probably non-
existent. My own mother, who witnessed dai-
ly shredding in her own backyard for years,
COPING
WITH
UNSTOKED
PARENTS
still cannot distinguish between frontside and
backside. So, all your mom actually sees
from a non-skater's eyeball view is you flail-
ing about on four wheels. Tack on the
"momism factor" and you are, in her eyes,
narrowly escaping death.
DAD'S PERSPECTIVE
Dad is usually a bit more lax as he was
probably accustomed to the bumps and
bruises of physical sports as a youngster.
Again, though, since skating was probably
not a part of his adolescent activities, Dad's
eyeball view is much like Mom's, although
his terms of exacerbation come from a
source other than "You're going to kill
yourself.""
Dads tend to have this scary notion that
the ONLY sports are football, basketball and
baseball, or whatever sport he himself may
have excelled in as a teenager. Therefore,
while he may tolerate the fact that you skate,
he will usually come up with statements like,
"You won't get a scholarship riding a
skateboard," or "I don't know why you ever
quit soccer to ride that thing." You know the
deal, it's always on the tip of his tongue.
DOUBLE TROUBLE
If you think you have it tough now, put your
feet in some female Converse. The fact that
this is 1988 hardly deters mom and dad from
thinking skateboarding is a male sport that
will only bring degradation to their young
daughter.
Though we may appear a tad hoidenish
as we romp about with a slew of young men,
we're just Americans partaking in a healthy
All-American sport. So our bruised shins
aren't very ladylike and our shirts resemble
paper bags with oranges stuffed inside.
There are worse things, like drugs, vandalism
and shoplifting.
You'd think Mom and Dad would be
pleased that we're atheletes rather than over-
weight cellulitic blobs with no future. Besides,
knitting and quilting just aren't for everyone.
DEALING WITH MOM AND DAD
Communicating with your parents is the
only way to alleviate this tension and avoid
further confrontation. If you've ever noticed,
Mom and Dad will usually rag on you the
most during stressful moments. For instance:
when they arrive home from the office after
spending an hour in traffic; when they're late
for an appointment; or after they've unsuc-
cessfully attempted to perform repairs on a
household appliance better left to a pro.
Feel your way around these moments.
Wait till your parents are more relaxed before
you hand them your report card or ask them
if you can go with Johnny to skate the new
ramp. Most importantly, you need to pick a
quiet, casual time to say, "Hey, we need to
talk." Ask them specifically why they disap-
prove of you skating and listen to their views.
Naturally, they will mention things you dis-
agree with, but keep your cool. After all, they
are speaking from the "mom and dad eye-
ball" and it's up to you to enlighten them.
Don't blow it by blurting out something
drastic in defense of your stance. As soon
as you start stomping your feet and yelling
"I don't care what you say" type stuff, you've
lost the battle. They won't stand for that.
Approach them with confidence, speak
clearly and with conviction. Make it
understood, by your voice and your actions,,
that you are serious and you expect some
truthful answers. Parents will often blow a
sticky situation off with the "I'm your mother
and I said no" type response. Don't let it get
to that point. This usually means they are
ticked off or stressed out. Drop the subject
and wait until they are calm to bring it up
again. If they never seem calm, you'll just
have to harsh it out. You have a right to
express your views.
Once you know what your parents' views
are, whomp 'em with your own. Elaborate on
their negative reasons and clear them up.
If they mention that skateboarding is
dangerous, explain the use of safety equip-
ment and falling techniques (rolling,
kneesliding, etc.). If they exclaim that it's too
expensive, offer to earn money.
If your grades are suffering or your parents
dislike your friends and the way you dress,
you might be in for a rough ride. They tend
to use those things against you. In this case,
you will probably have to prove to them, by
bringing up your grades, etc., that skating is
not the downfall of your teenage years. It is
up to you to provide positive counter-
responses to their negative reasons. This will
leave them with nothing to argue about.
The next step is explaining to them what
skating means to you and why. They don't
know what it's like to tweak a method air off
the jump ramp. They don't know why it thrills
you, day after day, to learn new moves and
feel your board under your feet. You have to
tell them.
Skating is more than just a sport, it's a way
of life. Stick with it. Your parents will get the
idea sooner or later, so keep your chin up
and skate with pride.