TRASH
Who in recent months could ignore the
classy promotions of that legend of the in-
dustry Metiver? For those deaf, dumb and
blind types, Mr. M. is the genius who brought
the world Slime Balls, Vomits, Rocket Penta-
gons, O.J.'s and a plethora of other equally
subtle marketeerings. Metiver, the author of
that widely read document, the O.K. Team
Flow Note, can always be counted upon to
greatly expand the boundaries of creative
writing. For example, in recent issues Mr. M.
has modestly let it slip that "The pentagon
is the power shape," "We accidently found
a faster formula," and "Half-mind, but now
half-mind can't stop eating sausage." Folks,
this man's about promotion with a capital P
(no relation to the much lamented dead duck
mag of similar name). However, in a recent
flow note Metiver appears to have broken all
boundaries in his quest for futuristic fan-
tasies. Yep, witness on this page the pathetic
spectacle of poor Tyson Metiver, age 11
months, squished on the copy machine "so
you guys could see his mug." N.S.A. intimate
Rocco was overheard recently venturing the
opinion that this was in supposed retaliation
for recent gold-clad, polyester pyramids
bearing the flip-flopping likenesses of boys
Peralta and Powell. For further good taste
Manchurian mongrel or masonite messiah?
Mopsy and Mugsy con moccasins.
Is Jay Adams actually married and doing
Bible study?
Are the emergent mysterious movers in the
clothing biz actually Bronze Age? Are certain
big companies worried by this creative
menace?
Why was Lisa Bonet from video waste-
land's A Different World wearing a Dogtown
hat on TV's The People's Choice Awards? Did
a similar hat also show up in the National
Enquirer?
Is Keith Stephenson skating as a stunt-
man for a future TV. pilot called Desert Rats
on NBC? Is one of the characters loosely bas-
ed on the exploits of our one and only Gonzo
consult the latest Speed Wheel Implants journalist Billy Runaway?
t-shirt.
STRANGER THAN STRANGE
A photo in The Times taken in a culvert
(drainage ditch) at the intersection of Fowler's
Mill and Sherman Roads in Munson
Township, Geauga County near Chester. (If
anyone knows where this is, please tell us.)
A headline says "Satanic Cult Worship Con-
cerns Local Police." The satanic stuff in ques-
tion appears to be "dangerous devil wor-
ship," "ominous" and an "eerie etching."
Perhaps the word BONES, which is spray
painted above the crude rat and crossbones
is a clue. Fortunately, Chester Police Chief
Ron Smith has attended "educational
seminars on satanic cults" and knows that
"cults tend to attract teenagers." My, my,
my, aren't we all better off because of
Chief Smith's diligence, intelligence
and persistence? Skaters near
Chester, beware 'cause Chief
Smith has identified the devil and
is in hot pursuit. We guess one
man's sporting goods are
another's dangerous devil cult.
Call Ron up, we think he needs
friends.
MORE UNFOUNDED RUMORS
AND QUESTIONS
Does recent pro Peanut
Brown really have three models?
Is Steve Steadham's wonder
ramp now host to an endless open
house session? Does Steve actually
want the world to know that the blue
plastic-covered ramp, just off south-
bound freeway 5, is even more fun than
it looks? Are you and all your friends
invited to stop by for a bar-b-que and
Stellar Steadham Jam Session? Or
are these rumors a cleverly devious
plot concocted to get even with Steve
for denying access to the aforemen-
tioned ramp? Were the perpetrators
of this alleged plot well-known
disgruntled pros?
Is a certain skate shoe manufacturer be-
ing sued for infringement due to appropria-
tions of another manu's sole?
Has Escondido, CA, hometown of the
skating? Does the city at the same time pro-
much-dreaded Gator, actually outlawed
mise to set aside/create an area for a park?
Do skaters vote?
Is the following translation of a story from
Germany's Butzbacher Zeitung not epic?
"They're known all over the place. Mostly
called skateboards. Especially in the warmer
young men on the rolling wooden boards
TYSON NETIVER ASF 11 MONTHS
thres in en the copy machine
so you guys could see his mag.
Mini-Motiver's mug.
seasons they knock about the district with
their friends in pedestrian zones, under-
passes, parking buildings and other modern
places of the city center by driving around
frightened pedestrians at a high speed or us-
ing the places for their hair-raising acrobatic
show. Such a skateboard driver just recently
scared the hell out of a Butzbach citizen while
he was travelling on Unterer Kleeberger
Strasse during a 'pitch black night.' Just when
he had passed the junction of 'Am Bollwerk,"
he was suddenly approached by an American
standing on a skateboard 'kicking ass'
in the opposite lane. And to top it all,
the man was holding a case of beer
before him. This foolishness took the
breath away from the Butzbach citizen.
This high-spirited son of the New World
could have easily gotten into an acci-
dent since he was racing down the
underpass without lights and brakes.
It wasn't until the last moment that the
Butzbach driver spotted this strange
road user and he was wondering about
what would have happened had a
vehicle making a turn not observed the
American. We can't say if the American
was able to take his case of beer home
in one plece. Well, you can only hope
that this kind of foolishness will not be
repeated-but we're not sure about it."
Were the American military brass in
the Butzbach area not happy over the
story? Did they promptly outlaw
skating on the base and in their area?
Do hard-core military skate rats such
as Rollerwolf, Ace Curb and Todd
Waller now resort to even further out
forms of 8-wheeled entertainment?
1.14=-2
Can it be possible that P.J. Pacifico
and Steve Kingsley have located the
long missing Animal Chin? Are the
men now reportedly out of touch at an
obscure South East Asian ramp? Is the
accompanying photo conclusive Mouse
evidence, or was it just an outtake from one
of the boys' parent's photo album from their
trip to mainland China in the 60s?
Are skaters in Bloomingdale, Illinois, being
robbed of their skates at gunpoint?
What is Morgan "Alka" Setzer, from Cin-
cinatti, doing with a Barble Magazine? Is he
going to blackmail Airwalk because so many
girls in the photos are wearing their shoes?
Are "T-Bone" Nick and the other locals
in Warren, Ohio, amazed by a turnabout in
fortune? Instead of harassing skaters, is a
Mr. Mountain mugs for M.Fo
ON BOARD
muralized the mondo mojo-Tumbleweed.
Burger King manager actually allowing riding
on his premises? Is the King Burger man
even thinking of promoting a contest?
Did Grosso, Lucero and Peters actually
consume $110 worth of alcohol in a single
session recently? Was this done as a public
safety spot showing the negative effects of
alcohol on professional athletes' performan-
ces? Did Grosso later puke on his bed? Did
Duane then puke on Grosso? Did Lucero
try to bail on the vomit but instead impact
his eye on a table? What's next, an all-nighter
with Nancy Reagan? Just say "bart."
Was that Bob Pribble in a recent G&S ad
or is Bill Tocco an assumed name?
Did Kevin "Tumbleweed" Ancell actually
play on stage at Bill Graham's Fillmore
Auditorium? Did Tumbleweed then fly to
Savannah, GA, to protect a certain young
woman's virtue from over 50 motel bound
skaters? Is he close to releasing the much
talked about Thrasher Comic?
Did Fausto V. become the latest skate in-
dustrialist to score a Harley-Davidson?
Is Steve Rocco convinced that "an un-
named manu" who is irate over a recent Giz-
mo ad has put a contract out on him? Have
goons actually beat him up for no apparent
reason? Has another happy manu sent a per-
sonal letter expressing his gratitude to Rocco
for not slagging his corporation? Is
Rocco dreaming again? Is he really
flying to Havana to re-kindle an old
flame? Is this round two in the Gizmo
Goes Golden Gloves story? Did Her-
mosa Beach cops recently single out
Rocco to arrest for the "crime" of
skateboarding? Did Rodney laugh?
Do cops read his ads? Have politicos
demanded a public apology from the
Skipperboy for Steve's recent antics?
Why has Stacy Peralta been spend-
ing so much time in Beaverton, OR,
recently? Are the Bones Vidiots really
filming a circus, or were those sword
swallowing women, clowns and trick
dogs merely subterfuge? Does word.
have it that the elite video unit is
currently filming three separate videos
with three different crews, and that no
one knows which is the real one?
Does promoter Bill Silva have plans
for the biggest skate tour ever? Will
"Dollar Bill" Silva be able to eclipse
that high water mark of skate culture,
Skateboard Mania?
Are Steve Olson and Johnny Ray
not evident as actors in two MTV vid
spots? Is not a Skatemaster Tate
70mm theatrical spot in the making?
Is Spidey in Jerusalem wailing on
the Wailing Wall?
Was Powell sales head Carson
Miller actually walking hot coals in an effort
to put mind over matter? Or was Todd
Hastings merely passing out hotfoots?
Were Muir, Dressen and Hosol giving a
lecture on street slang to ABC TV recently,
or was it a spot on skate riding? Was Christ
not convincing, nailing an on-camera 540°?
Is Tony Hawk moving into a new house?
Will Joe Johnson be his housemate? Will
he sublet his old digs to Ray Underhill? Will
Sinbad make a ramp at Tony's new place?
Is Dave Dominy hanging with veteran art-
ist Rick Griffin? Will Griffin chop Dominy's
rod four inches to keep pace with Robert
Williams' latest '34 Ford beater?
Could 5,500 people in Savannah, Georgia,
be wrong?
Will Rob Roskopp score a Team Tracker
mountain bike?
Is Don Hoffman looking to start a video
mag? Will it be called Bradsher or B.W.S.?
Was Glenn E. Friedman observed
shooting pics for Dennis Hopper's film
Colors in South Central L.A.? Is an Ice-T
cover somehow also involved? Is Five
Fingered E. now appearing in an upcoming
Hip Hop film as himself? Or is Glenn acting?
QUOTE
"No photo incentive on Rip Blip."
Metiver
105