NOW THERE'S
A WHEEL SO
STUPID IT HAS
TO BE GOOD!
INTRODUCING
GIZMOS
IT'S A BIT CONFUSING ON THE WHEEL MARKET THESE DAYS. WITH ALL THE
DIFFERENT BRANDS OUT THERE JUST HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHICH ONES TO
CHOOSE? WELL, AT SANTA MONICA AIRLINES, WE'VE BEEN STUDYING THIS PROB-
LEM VERY CAREFULLY AND HAVE COME UP WITH A SERIES OF TESTS THAT ARE
DESIGNED TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR DECISION.
#1 THE NAME TEST
A GOOD WHEEL MUST HAVE AN INCREDIBLY STUPID NAME. THIS NAME MUST
NOT ONLY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH SKATEBOARDING BUT ALSO APPEAL TO
KIDS THAT WATCH TOO MUCH T.V.. EXAMPLES OF THESE NAMES ARE: "GAMMAS",
"NITROS", "BLURRS", "ROCKETS", "SAW BLADES", "NEUTRONS" AND "SLIME-
BALLS. MANY MORE EXIST BUT THESE ARE THE WORST, OOPS WE MEAN BEST,
EXAMPLES.
#2 THE GRAPHIC TEST
A GOOD WHEEL MUST HAVE FLASHY GRAPHICS. YOU MIGHT THINK SINCE THE
GRAPHICS NEVER ACTUALLY TOUCH THE GROUND THAT THEY REALLY DON'T
CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING TO THE WHEEL; EXCEPT MAYBE A HIGHER PRICE AND A
LITTLE EXTRA WEIGHT. DON'T LET THESE MEANINGLESS FACTS CONFUSE YOU.
FLASHY GRAPHICS SELL LOTS OF WHEELS. AND WE ALL KNOW THAT IF A WHEB.
ISN'T A BIG SELLER IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE ANY GOOD.
#3 THE ADVERTISING TEST
A GOOD WHEEL MUST BE ADVERTISED CORRECTLY. THIS IS ACCOMPLISHED
USING VARIOUS TECHNICS. MOST EFFECTIVE IS THE "I'M A PRO AND YOU'RE NOT"
TECHNIQUE. A PRO SKATER IS PICTURED DOING A TRICK (THAT YOU CAN'T DO),
SHOWING HIS MUSCLES (THAT YOU DON'T HAVE) WHILE A GRAMMATICALLY
INCORRECT TWO OR THREE WORD PHRASE (THAT YOU WOULDN'T SAY), BURSTS
FROM THE PAGE. ANOTHER EFFECTIVE, ALTHOUGH CHILDISH, TECHNIQUE IS THE
"GROSS OUT. TAKE A COLOR PICTURE OF ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: 1. A DEAD
ANIMAL 2. BLOOD AND GUTS 3. LOWER LIFE FORMS, LIKE MAGGOTS. THEN,
ENLARGE IT TO FULL PACE SIZE.AND MAKE A REFERENCE THAT THIS IS WHAT
EVERYONE ELSE MAKES THEIR WHEELS OUT OF.
#4 THE URETHANE TEST
A GOOD WHEEL MUST BE MADE FROM GOOD URETHANE, BUT WHAT IS IT
THAT DISTINGUISHES A GOOD URETHANE FROM A BAD ONE. WELL, TO BEGIN
WITH, URETHANE ITSELF IS VERY COMPLICATED. IN FACT IT IS SO COMPLICATED
THAT NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE SKATEBOARD INDUSTRY (WITH THE POSSIBLE
EXCEPTION OF GEORGE POWELL) COULD ACTUALLY SIT YOU DOWN AND
EXPLAIN ALL THE DIFFERENT POLYMERS AND ISOCYANATES NOT TO MENTION THE
COMPLEX CHEMICAL FORMULAS, THAT THEIR WHEELS ARE MADE FROM. FORTU-
NATELY FOR US, AND THEM, THERE ISN'T A NEED TO COMPARE BECAUSE VIRTU-
ALLY ALL OF THE URETHANE IN THE SKATEBOARD INDUSTRY IS SUPPLIED BY ONE
COMPANY; UNIROYAL (THAT'S RIGHT THE TIRE COMPANY). THE ONLY DIFFERENCE
BEING THE AMOUNT OF FILLERS, PIGMENTS, AND CATALYSTS THAT THE MANU.
FACTURERS ADD TO CHANGE COLOR, HARDNESS, OR MOST IMPORTANTLY, SPEED
UP PRODUCTION.
#5 THE DESIGN TEST
WHEEL DESIGN IS VERY CRITICAL. FOR A WHEEL TO BE TRULY FUNCTIONAL IT
MUST BE DESIGNED BY A TRUE EXPERT IN THE SKATEBOARD FIELD. THIS IMMEDI-
ATELY RULES OUT SKATEBOARDERS FOR MANY REASONS, THE MOST OBVIOUS
BEING LACK OF MONEY. THE REAL MAN FOR THIS JOB IS TODAYS HIGH-POWERED
AND FINANCIALLY BACKED ENTREPRENEUR. YES THE ENTREPRENEUR, WHOSE
MIND IS UNCLUTTERED WITH USELESS INFORMATION LIKE, CORRECT HEIGHT,
WIDTH OR RADIUS, CAN DESIGN A WHEEL IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. THEN,
USING HIS TEAM OF CHILD PSYCHOLOGY AND MARKETING EXPERTS, HE CAN
CONVINCE PRACTICALLY ANYONE THAT HE HAS DESIGNED THE BEST WHEEL
POSSIBLE.
#6 THE GIZMO TEST
LAST, AND LEAST, IS THE GIZMO TEST. TRY OUT SOME GIZMOS. IF YOU LIKE
THEM, RIDE THEM. IF YOU DON'T, SELL THEM TO SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS AND
CO TRY SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE THE ONLY TRUE TEST OF A GOOD WHEEL IS IF
IT WORKS WELL FOR YOU.
SMA
INDUSTRIES
"WE'RE MONEY MOTIVATED
FOR INDUSTRIAL SIZE ORDERS CALL (213) 370-2434
SEND $1.00 FOR STICKERS AND INFO TOP.O. BOX 305, REDONDO BCH, CA, 90277.
PRODUCT
by Jake Phelps
Since this is the second anniver-
sary of my authorship of this column,
I would like to take the time to thank
the companies that send products.
the kids who write letters, and, most
of all, everyone who reads the maga-
zine. You may think writing this article
is easy, but there are things you do
not know. I usually get the equipment
four or five days before the deadline.
which sometimes makes road testing
and writing the article a tough job.
Nonetheless, if one person reads it
and learns something they did not
know before, it is worth it."
Schmitt Stix has sent us three of
their new decks and they all seem
like winners. These are decks for all
types of skating: Joe Lopes (vertical),
Bryce Kanights (street) and the Haze
Lingren "Crowbar" (freestyle).
The Lopes "Barbeque model is
31" long and 10" wide, and has a
3½ nose, a 6% tail and a 15½"
wheelbase. All vertical riders, get on
this one. For the street skater and
smaller vertical rider, B.K. has a new
shape to ride. It has a pointed nose
and blunt tail area that will withstand
the ultra pounding. The tail area has
an oval shape for maximum foot
placement. The B.K. is 30%" long.
10% wide, and has a 4" nose, a
6%" tail and, you guessed it, a 15½"
wheelbase. Lastly, the Haze Lingren
"Crowbar" is the only Schmitt
freestyle deck. So with their quality
and reputation on the line, you know
they can't go wrong. The measure-
SCHMITT STIX
ments are: 27%" long. 71" at its
widest, 7" in the middle, a 4%" nose,
a 5% tail and a 12" wheelbase. The
die cut tape didn't fit, but what the
hell. Make your own. Another
thing-these decks have the mega
graphics, so all you graphic hounds.
out there, check 'em out now!
Schmitt Stix, 1711 Whittier Blvd.,
Costa Mesa, CA 92627
It's kind of frustrating to deal with
inconsistent quality within one com-
pany. We received the new mini
Rocco from Santa Monica Airlines
Rocco Division. Whereas the Natas
model has a good concave and good
wood, a la Santa Cruz, this Rocco
deck looks more like a cheap Taiwan
imitation of Rocco's old Sims board.
A mild concave, chintzy wood, a
slight tail, and graphics with lots of
colors and all of his friend's names.
S.M.A. Rocco Division, 4050 Spen-
cer, Unit I, Torrance, CA 90503
Henry Hester of G&S has flowed
pretty heavily. This time he sent a
complete Henry Hester slalom deck
with G&S Trucks and 90A Bam Bams.
Not a lot of people are into slalom,
but ten years ago Hester, Skoldberg,
and the crew were making bucks go-
ing through cones. Anyway, the
board is similar to the ones ridden
in those days-with camberflex, no
nose and no tail. It's just a turning
machine. The trucks have been
reviewed here previously, and their
lightness is worthy of mention once
again. They do need some work in
the area of turning design, though.
ツアルト
EMA
PATROL
The Bam Bam wheels were
smooth but not as fast as you would
need for cutting cones like Bad Hand
the boys used to. For you ollie
masters, try to ollie on a slalom deck,
and be humbled. Henry also sent
some new G&S Rails that have al
45-degree angle inside with no rough
edges to grab. They slide well-only
bummer is wood screws. Remember,
wood screws void some warranties.
Thank you, Henry! Gordon and
Smith, 7081 Consolidated Way, San
Diego, CA 92121-2604.1
"The Rapper" by Bat Industries
is home made and ready to go. It is
a custom riser lapper system.
Things like this make skating great.
Made in the basement, last forever
and for only $3.95 you can't go
wrong. Bat Industries, 2213 White
Ave. Knoxville, TN 37916. Allow 50¢
for shipping.
Here are a few items to watch for
during the coming summer months.
This info is fresh from the Action
Sports Trade Show in Long Beach,
California and we will try to review
these products as soon as we get our
hands on them:
From our buds down at Schmitt
Stix you can expect the new Chris
Miller model to hit the racks soon.
That's right, he's no longer with G&S.
For you long riders out there, the 33"
Chain Saw model, complete with ser-
rated edges, is available. As soon as
that moving van with the new Sims
line arrives, we'll set the record
straight for you. Look for decks by
Buck Smith, Henry Gutierrez and Eric
Nash. G&S' Neil Blender deck. San-
ta Cruz has both the Jason Jesse and
Corey O'Brien models on the way.
Finally, Vision plans on letting loose
with a Freddy Krueger model.
Look for Schmitt's 65mm Saw
Blades wheels. It's about time
somebody else picked up on the tall
wheel idea, considering the success
of Bullets. Also along these lines is
the new center-bearing wheel of like
size from Blockhead. Coming from
Dogtown is the K-9 wheel. This
wheel features a revolutionary
molding technique that allows for a
perfectly round shape and perfectly
molded ends.
Thunder has begun production on
a freestyle truck. Also, original
Tracker man, Dave Dominy, has de-
signed a new truck called the Cutter.
Well, that's it for Product Patrol. So
write me a line and go skate some
more. Okay?! Send correspondence
to: Jake, c/o THRASHER Magazine,
PO Box 884570, San Francisco, CA
94188-4570.