Skarfing
Material
EVERY
ART ST
NEEDS
HIS
CANVAS
Haac
Christian Hosol
CONVERS
Chuk
ALL
STARS
CARte ino
by Chef-Boy-Am-I-Hungry
It was a dark and stormy
night. No, not really, but it
was night. Well, actually it
was just after night. Morn-
ing, to be more precise.
I woke up hungry as usual
and began my hunt. I hadn't
had meat in days; maybe I'd
find a pigeon if I was lucky.
So down I climbed from
the ruin of a building that I'd
been sleeping in, in this ruin
of a city.
Even if the fowl was
radiated I'd be able to eat it.
My tolerance for radiation
had built up immensely
since the year of the cloud.
Yep, the political geniuses had made that
cloud some eight years ago. They've been
hunted down and dissolved by some of the
survivors since. I don't know if it was any
kind of justice, but it sure felt good.
I looked up and saw a small flock flap-
ping over me. I grabed my board and started
pushing towards their direction. Ollieing the
many cracks in the pavement kept my pace
considerably slower than I prefered. They
dove towards the waterfront. Maybe there
was something better to eat there.
A half mile later, I saw the birds. They were
just sparrows. I didn't care, I could have
eaten a few of them, I could've eaten just
about anything but another can of apple-
butter. I had to move carefully, didn't want
to blow it. I set my board down and began
to creep across the street.
"Honk! Honk!"
Damn, a car. The birds took flight. I ran
back to my board. I was hungry and pissed.
The birds flew over the street. I hurled my
board at the car but missed it. I slumped
down on the corner and thought to myself,
just what I'd do if I did catch a bird...
NUKED FOWL
4 bird parts (breasts, thighs, etc.)
• 2 potatoes
1 bag of mixed frozen vegetables
¼ cup butter or margarine
A tad of garlic
½ cup of salsa (the kind in the meat dept.)
• %4 cup or so of white wine
1 radioactive cooking device (microwave)
Get yourself one of those nifty micro-
wavable casserole type dishes and dump
the frozen veggies into it. Mash your tad
(four tads equal one bit, a buncha bits equal
one heap) of garlic into the softened butter.
Take your bird parts-probably some
chicken-and smear some garlic-butter all
over them. Put them on the vegies. Chop
up your potatoes and cover them with the
butter too. Toss 'em on top. Pour your salsa
and wine over it all. Add seasonings as
desired and cover with the custom lid that
came with the dish. Place in microwave and
set it for about twenty minutes on high.
Check occasionally. When chicken stops
being pink, it's done. Things may look a bit
strange, but the flavor exchange and
nuclear convenience are worth it.
CHOCOLATE HOLOCAUST
• 2 scoops chocolate ice cream
+1 tall glass
• 1 tbsp peanut butter with bones
Some assorted candy sprinkles (optional)
+6 oz. raspberry seltzer water, or cherry 7-up
First plop the two scoops of ice cream into
the glass. Then put the peanut butter on top.
Skater: Chris Miller. Photo: M.Fo
Now it's time for the seltzer. Pour it over the
mess, but don't cover the whole blob of p.b.
Add sprinkles and dine. (Submitted by Jason
Reisdorf of Mechanicsburg, PA)
PINK WASTE
1 large package of cherry Jell-o
• 4 cups miniature marshmallows
18 oz. package of cream cheese
• Large can of chilled condensed milk
2 small cans of crushed pineapples
1 13'x19 (or so) oblong pan
• 2 cups boiling water
Dissolve Jell-o into two cups of boiling
water. Add marshmallows. Stir until
dissolved. Beat in cream cheese, then beat
in chilled milk. Proceed to murder until
whipped. Add pineapples and refrigerate.
Chill until it doesn't move when you shake
it. It looks like it might glow in the dark, but
it's good. (Submitted by Mohawk Mike of
Grand Prarie, TX)
LEAD VEST LINER
A lead vest to protect yourself from radio-
active rays may be a fashion faux pas but
it is effective. So cover it up with a nuclear
styled Skarfing Material t-shirt. Order yours
for a mere $10.25 (postage and handling
included to THRASHER Magazine, Skarfing
Material T-shirt, PO. Box 884570, San
Francisco, CA 94188-4570.
41