KASAI
reading stock quotations nearby? Did
Johnson and Staab eclectic ocean their
way to fame and misfortune atop the cop-
ing and through the window? Was not Matt
Etheridge and Mr. Ed's all-night grind ses-
sion the end of all? Why was G&S man
Gallagher wearing a back brace? Did Art
and David Harris really power eight pitchers
of margs as advertised? Did Dorsey show
that famous tattoo again? Where was
Deano Huffman's "new" girlfriend? Did not
George Powell throw a birthday party for
12-year-old" Paul Schmitt at some
medieval jousting restaurant? Did not Team
Vision retaliate by throwing "real" rib
bones? Did Schmitt pay extra to have
Powell's knight throw the contest? Did not
an unnamed and well-lubed sales rep from
Newport jump down onto the stage and
demand justice? Did he not grab a sword
and offer to fight anyone in the house? Did
the uptight security squad take him up on
it? Why was Paul wearing a paper crown?
Is Duane P. joining Schmelzer at Circle A?
Is Bill Tocco turning pro following his
Phoenix win?
Did Van Dyke Parks play piano at Papa F
and Skipper Boy's birthday party? Were
Natas, Vallely, Buchinski, Bolton Colbun,
Alaric Valentin, Judith Teelelman and Sid
Felson all seen doing the pirate jig?
MINI
BICHWORD
DAMP
CHALLENGES
$412590
PURSE
Where were you?
COMING EVENTS
SAVANNAH SLAMMAH #2
April 2 Savannah, Georgia
Second annual pro-only streetstyle con-
test will be held in the Savannah Civic
Center Arena. For more info write to:
High Tide, 5500 Abercorn Street, Savan-
nah, GA 31405. Call: (912) 355-8551
106
ON BOARD
THE ONGOING SAGA OF OLLIE MCRAD
The THRASHER BBS is a lot of things, but
mostly it's just a weird place to spend time.
Here is part of a continuing story that callers
added to throughout 1987. Only the names
have been changed to respect the innocent.
Ollie McRad...
by Lard Skate
Once there was a boy named Ollie McRad.
He was the self-proclaimed ollie king of Burn-
town USA. He could float over hydrants, bikes,
skates, skaters, old folks, and dogs. Once,
when he was trying to pop over his dog, he
missed and smashed him flat. Emotionally
crushed, he quit for a while. He carried his
blood-stained board for a hundred feet and got
back on. Then Ollie did a boneless off of Mrs.
Jones. She hit the ground and died. Ollie was
then jailed for murder....
by The Pose Nose
Eventually, our hero was let out on parole
(actually he bribed the guard with an Ollie
McRad Dead Dog Pro Model for his son.) He
returned to his favorite ditch in Bumtown, but
the local authorities had tarred it. His favorite
ramp was Skilsawed and all the fire hydrants
were raised five feet. McRad was utterly bum-
med so he decided to start a rad skate zine.
His business failed because of tough competi
tion. So he thought, shoot. there is nutthin
heeer (Bumtown is in the South...he has sort
of a draw). He left and started a punk skate
rock band. Even though he failed at everything
else he got lucky with his band and made
millions from his concerts and royalties...
by The Generic Skater
And since his band was such a success, he
began to squeeze it for all he could and started
marketing all kinds of cheap merchandise.
Eventually, Mr. X (owner of large skateboard
company) became so enraged with senior
McRad's hideous product line that he threat-
ened to clean him out in a hostile takeover. Ollie
couldn't. stand still for this and hunted down
Mr. X for revenge. Mr. X was heavily maimed
and, since Mr. Y (second owner of said
skateboard company) never said anything
anyway. X&Y went under for lack of a public
relations man. As soon as X&Y's value became
low enough, company Z bought them
up
and Ollie bought Mr. R (retired pro and
president of company Z enterprises) and ruled
forever...
by The Generic Skater
World War Ill was initiated while Ronnie was
asleep. We didn't see it coming and we all
died. Yes, even Ollie....
by Va Thrasher
Then he woke up...Was it all a dream? He
walked towards his board, it had some dried
blood on it, he looked outside..."No Way!"
Mr Y and Mr. X were running at him. He shut
the door and ran for the back one. People were
tearing down his ramp...people were skating
Wait!
on his roof...He was surrounded.
Ollie had an idea. He went to his room. He took
out an old Prince record and started cranking
it. They heard that stupid music and ran off
laughing he quickly ran outside...
by Doc Atomic
Mr. X and Mr. Y were coming at him at 60
mph and Ollie tried to ollie out of the way (over
their heads) but he was grabbed in the groin.
oooowwwwww! Then he woke up in an
Army-Navy store. He was posing in front of a
mirror with a gas mask on when the nuke bomb
had dropped. The only things not demolished
in the store were him and his skate. He went
outside and everything was totalled except, a
bunch of toxic zombies who were coming toward
him...
by The Generic Skater
He died!
by SCRAPE
He woke up...to be a TOXIC ZOMBIE
by SHOTGUN
Then he died again...
by John Rotten
A group of survivalists who had sealed
themselves off in a giant lead-lined baggie to
escape the radiation found him and ran wires
and cables up his bum, attached a prosthetic
skateboard to the bottom of his Vans, shot him
up with steroids, implanted fuschia colored pipe
cleaner to his head and made him watch NSA
videos. He became the Robotic Cyborg Skater
of the Future and battled mutant bikers in the
desert that was once Venice. He dropped his
last name, stumbled into a time machine and
appeared in 1987, on all the networks at once,
testifying on how he sold polyurethane to the
Iranians in order to supply weapons to the Con-
tras in their fight against parking garage rent-
a-cops! Later, he dorked Fawn Hall, and kept
the leotards for himself.
by Anonymouse
Then Ollie's true identity was discovered. His
last name was North. It was found that his in-
volvement with Reagan's fiasco was not such
a good move. His skateboarding career was
ruined forever...
by Devil's Advocate
So, Ollie North went to jail for his bit with
Reagan. Jail was boring with no guns to sell,
so he made a skate and lo! Bar grinds for Ollie
all day long...soon to be out on bail...
by Jason Stuart
Ollie constructs a quarter-pipe on the
jailhouse wall. Up he goes... method air over
the barbed wire. and he bails to freedom. But
wait! He hits his head on a cow and falls un-
conscious. Skate scientist Phlobo McPhreenb-
bie finds him and revives him with Vivarin and
his computer...but something goes
wrong. his brain is united with the computer!
He becomes MAX SHREDROOM!
by Anthrax
Hhhh hi ffffffolks this is Mmmax!
Shredroom come here I got a little surp p
prize for you...heh, heh, heh, heh...and sud-
denly Cab rolls in...
by Devil's Advocate
Max Shredroom shows Cab some n-n-new
t-tricks. Cab worships Max, and they both go
out and get smashed in a local bar.
Get yourself any old computer with any old
communications software and a modem,
hook that computer to that modem, plug the
suckers in and call the THRASHER BBS. The
only cost is the phone call and you can pre-
tend to be anyone you want. What more
could you ask for? Call (415) 822-5630.
TRAC
TRUE