SKATERS
ARE
REVOLTING
The rev
ז.
FF
by Brian Brannon
"Stop skate harassment." An ugly scene developing
at the Carson Streetstyle extravaganza.
he revolution bloomed in the streets, but its roots ran
deeply underground. It sprouted in the hills where the
very rich dwell, then stretched its branches outward.
The rebels struck at the very homes of those who
oppressed them: the insurance company executives, the
lawmakers, the corporate honchos...These fascist fiends
had made it a crime to frolic freely in the streets. Then they
had taxed the poor riders to the bone, forcing them to pay
outlandish fees to enter ugly, sterile and over-crowded skate
parks. Finally, they had build the most magnificent man-
sions that money could buy. They furnished their palaces
with every conceivable luxury, made by the most
fashionable and expensive European designers. And in
every backyard they planted the very largest and finest
blue, sparkling swimming pools.
Random incidents began to take place. The house of a
prominent insurance lobbyist caught fire one night while
he and his family were away. Both home and pool sat empty,
but not lonely, for over six lovely, shredding months.
The next week, the chief of police discovered a rare and
lethal strain of tropical algae breeding in his pool. The whole
block was quarantined.
A pair of "poo-poo logs" were found floating in the midst
of a crowded party at the exclusive country club's swim-
ming pool. A small riot ensued and the pool lay dry for
two months. The public raised a stink and the club owners
waged a fierce battle in the arena of public opinion.
Under these and similar circumstances many more
pools and houses were abandoned. In the center of the
confusion, a small and secret tribe of rebel riders en-
joyed some of the finest skating imaginable.
The marble left-hand kidney which belonged to a
skate-hostile congressman was truly a gas to grind.
The speed offered by its smooth and oh-so-round wall
was heretofore unknown. Its marble coping propel-
led the ripper's truck on extensive and extended
journeys.
But soon the skaters set their sights on new ter-
rain, that they might keep keen and shake the law.
They formed an intensive campaign against a cer-
tain 212 mile-long aqueduct. Work was halted mid-
way through its completion. The canal threatened
extinction to a rare species of beautiful green and
purple Southwestern butterfly.
Meanwhile, the faction frowned as the authorities strip-
ped the skater on the street of ever more rights and sites
to rip. When skateboarding was outlawed from every place
except skate parks, the rebels made their stand.
Early one September morning, over a thousand skaters
from across the globe gathered at the intersection of Jojoba
and Main. Then, with the push heard 'round the world, their
four-wheeled march began. These protesting Americans
let nothing and no one stand in their way. It was an invigorat-
ing sight, over a thousand skaters riding for their rights.
Whenever they met a police road block, they aired or
averted it, grinding sirens and cycles alike. The people of
the city hung out of their windows and cheered them on
and the skaters surged forward, peaceful but proud.
The National Guard was soon ordered to the scene. Yet
all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't stop
the skaters from rolling on in. The soldiers would disperse
one group of ragers to find another shredding hard, just
around the corner.
As this continued, more of the people stood with the
skaters and yelled to the police to cease their hassles. "We
will overskate," was the battle cry. Joggers joined in, and
bikers and rollerskaters and hacky-sack players and golfer's
and kite flyers and bird watchers and basketball players
and soon the streets overflowed with singing and dancing
and people having a good time.
It was at this point that the mayor started to sweat. He
knew this many people partying and enjoying each other's
company could only spell trouble. He called the governor
and the governor called the president and the president
told his wife and they all agreed a very grave situation was
at hand. After a lengthy conference they realized there was
nothing they could do. So then and there, the 93rd Amend-
ment to the Constitution of these United States was signed
into law, the Right to Bear Skates.
From that day on, skaters could ride anywhere hither as
well as thither, without fear of hassle from federal, state
or local authorities. They maintained a watchdog commit-
tee to protect and hold onto all they had won. This group
safeguarded the rights of similar minorities: the American
Indians, the Surfers, the Breathers and the Elderly.
Together they banded as one and forced their leaders
to live by the laws under which they were dected, LIBERTY
AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.
While the lawyers haggled over a settlement, the rebels
dropped in on over a hundred miles of clean concrete. The
canal featured ten-foot walls with perfect transitions and
varying styles of hips, channels and drainage pipes.